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A new chapter snuck in when I wasn't watching, but I am glad to have found it! I probably have said this before but you GET teenage angst and you write it so well! Edward is a piece of work though. Entitled and possessive, I felt a bit scared for Lily whenever they had that conversation, just the two of them.
The bit with Kat upset about her Dad not showing up to the big Quidditch match was sad. She's definitely someone who acts the way she does hoping her Dad will notice and/or craving attention. And I feel badly that she is forgotten. Also Xander felt a touch of empathy for her, which was nice to see! Normally he's so emotionally closed off, but for him to comfort her and to find a way to understand her disappointment was kind of sweet.
And then, among all the teenage drama and heartache we are reminded of the political state of this world and how precarious all of that is. I think this is the first time we see the potential darkness that Xander could yield and how it could impact the larger world. I will be curious to see how he comes into this power and how he chooses to use it!
Another excellent chapter!
~ Courtney
The opening of this chapter is such a ride. I loved seeing Lily with her sort of other group of friends, the Quidditch team, and how eager they all are to avenge her for what's been done. Speaking of, it's absolutely HORRID that this poor teenage girl should ever have sex scandals written about her that aren't even true, I meant honestly, journalism, grow up. Her ex is horrible, I beleive I've mentioned this before. Ugh. But the way that section ended is so great, I loved seeing a real snippet of Lily's biting retort - she knows exactly how to mess with people when she wants to, and that was the perfect comment - both pretending to forget Caroline's name and then dropping the wedding for Xander to deal with. Brilliant.
The scene in Herbology is so fun. Firstly, it's lovely to see Lily thrive at something academic, especially in the one place Xander seems to genuinely struggle. I love that opposition, and it's part of what makes them good for each other, really, if they could get over themselves. The bit of tension created here is lovely, and I think Caroline must feel it too, as she shows what I would consider some jealous behavior. That "sexy" of hers is SO CRINGE, and I love that Lily doesn't just let it slide by. hahaha And then when Xander gets the tree to grow finally when it's Lily that moves him... Of course, I worry what it's rapid death might foreshadow as well...
But then the ending with the thestral and the plan to help it! Obviously, as mentioned, I've read ahead already, and let me just say now that I'm so glad you thought of this little plot here with it and the two of them off on a good-hearted venture together!
I love Xander's mind, in a way that both fascinates and worries me, because the amount of Slytherin ambitious curiosity that he posesses makes me worry about who he will become when he does learn the truth about his past. You do such an incredible job at creating the undercurrent of threat and darkness. You've also done such a great job at making me feel like I don't know what path Xander will choose to take once his past comes to light, and that captivates and scares me, because he is clearly a brilliant mind with exceptional talent, and if his life with the Potter's isn't enough to keep him to the good path... then it could be a very dark future for this story. I hope he stays good... I like him, I really do. Like, look at how protective he is of Lily here, even if he's not got the best reptuation himself, he's right in saying that it still doesn't make him like Ballard, who, as Hugo says, it absolutely the definition of toxic masculinity. Speaking of Hugo! Could he be any cuter with the blushing and stumbling over his words hwen Hannah comes over? Ugh, be still my heart. And then the Victor Hugo bit had me cackling. That's SO funny of you to have had Hugo named after him, but specifically leave out the first name because of Hermione's past with Krum! Absolutely DEAD. hahaha Great chapter, great story, loving every minute of it.
Ah, and Lily is spiraling! She’s finally admitted that someone tried to hurt her, but Nia gives her some hard truths here, which isn’t going to help her anxiety. This girl! And I don’t know what’s up with Lily thinking that Edward is worth all the trouble. I mean, yeah, maybe… no. Not worth any of the trouble. Though, it might be nice if Lily was able to talk to Nia as a friend, get some things off her chest. Admit to a few other things that she’s keeping from everyone, because THAT might help her anxiety.
Uh oh! If THAT book is missing, it’s a Bad Sign.
And nononono, Lily, be STRONG! But really, Edward isn’t horrible. He does really care about her, but it’s not GOOD, Lily, please please… ugh! She’s interrupted! And Edward is giving her his mnd, and she MISSED THE NEW UNIFORMS!!! LILLYYYYYY, why???
Oh my god, James is Too Much! I can’t even think straight with all the flurry of activity all around the castle. Adults for the match, the convergence of people who are supposed to be fake dating other people, other people spending time in other people’s rooms, Lily is NOT on the mend, she’s on the edge, and none of these guys are catching a break. You write this whirlwind so well. I am totally convinced the whole world is about to blow up at any second.
“It was an old habit of his, giving Xander something he deeply wanted in order to avoid giving him the answers he so desperately needed.”
Ah yeah. This.
Pix
I cracked up with Lily’s seven trunks! And that’s with magic! Perhaps she hasn’t mastered the undetectable extension charm.
I was a little confused about the conversation with Hugo about Scorpius? Does Lily have a crush on him? I thought she was dating this Andrew guy? I did like the humor of the cloak. What a great away to avoid everyone.
Also, love the banter again, particularly that line about an eagle flying high enough not to fall prey to a lioness. Then the pulling of pigtails. Even if Lily didn’t get it. It was obvious from Xander’s reaction that he did and didn’t want to admit it.
Oh, that’s what happened to Ginny. I was wondering why she hadn’t been mentioned since the first chapter. Poor Harry and kids. Was there a particularly reason that she died beyond having the Potters deal with tragedy?
In This Darkness Chapter 2
Again, great angsty beginning. I thought the Boy in Volkswagon was a goner. I love the introduction about how it didn’t matter that the calendar hadn’t marked the end of summer.
Then we realize it’s Xander, all grown up, and Harry. They obviously have a good relationship, full of respect for each other with the discussion and permission to set wards. Plus, Harry drops another hint at how powerful this boy is with his mentioning of Twycross. (That guy is STILL teaching apparition!)
You’ve set us up nicely for some darker issues later with the mention of Clarifiers (I assume Dark since they killed his mother) but segweg into good description of the Potter Manor (enough to give us an image of both the house and the owner (no shock Harry doesn’t buy a lot of books) but not overwhelming us with details and then the banter between Xander and Lily. You set up three major points in their relationship here: 1. They are comfortable around each other and have known each other for years. 2. He’s attracted to her (even if he doesn’t want to admit it or doesn’t realize it himself.) 3. They have a very angst filled relationship which requires a lot of almost vicious banter. I particular liked the line about “I didn’t go around splitting people in half.” “To be fair, you didn’t have to deal with you.” Great wit!
Lily is having some issues. It looks to be with her friends (and soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, although I doubt he’s figured that out yet.) but I guessing it’s more to do with internal struggle on her part. The letters intermittent with her actions (or lack thereof) was a nice way to show this.
You’ve got my attention with the opening chapter. You explained just enough about the boy to keep us intrigued but still filled with questions like exactly what happened to Anna? Who was this man named Vandenburg? Who murdered her father?
Harry is very different here-so calm and controlled. Here’s a man who has grown up and is now the expert at interrogating witnesses, at observing their body language and, apparently intimidating people (at least squibs)
I was trying to figure out if this Chapmas a good guy or a bad guy, until the Xander hit him with a Crucio with “a look of pure fear and hatred on his face” that I thought this guy hasn’t been the best role model. However, it does open up a lot more questions. For example, how long ago did his mother die? Is the boy really afraid of the squib or something else? How in the world did he learn Crucio?
To me it seems a bit farfetched that he was able to do this spell wandless with no training; however, it does set an obvious trait: this kid is VERY powerful.
I think it was a good call erasing the boy’s memories to help him have normal life. (Would it be great if we could really do that for PTSD); however, I wonder if it will backfire on them in the future.
Great characterization of Harry and introduction to the kid. I can definitely see why this was nominated for Best Page Turner
You’ve got my attention with the opening chapter. You explained just enough about the boy to keep us intrigued but still filled with questions like exactly what happened to Anna? Who was this man named Vandenburg? Who murdered her father?
Harry is very different here-so calm and controlled. Here’s a man who has grown up and is now the expert at interrogating witnesses, at observing their body language and, apparently intimidating people (at least squibs)
I was trying to figure out if this Chapmas a good guy or a bad guy, until the Xander hit him with a Crucio with “a look of pure fear and hatred on his face” that I thought this guy hasn’t been the best role model. However, it does open up a lot more questions. For example, how long ago did his mother die? Is the boy really afraid of the squib or something else? How in the world did he learn Crucio?
To me it seems a bit farfetched that he was able to do this spell wandless with no training; however, it does set an obvious trait: this kid is VERY powerful.
I think it was a good call erasing the boy’s memories to help him have normal life. (Would it be great if we could really do that for PTSD); however, I wonder if it will backfire on them in the future.
Great characterization of Harry and introduction to the kid. I can definitely see why this was nominated for Best Page Turner
Xander is such a Slytherin. Every chapter you find a new way to demonstrate it. This time two: definitely not ethical way to make money and blackmail of Andrew. You’ve done a great job portraying Andrew as such a whiney character. I really like the line when he complained that he gave Lily the moon and she wanted the stars. Xander’s retort was just precious and so dismissing of the Ravenclaw-well written.
The tense interactions between Lily and Nia was interesting. I understood that they had been friends forever, but this didn’t seem like good friend conversation. Is this a new twist to their friendship or has is always been petty and snippy?
You have some of the best descriptions of weather and time. I really like the idea of one month walking out the door and another walking in. I might steal that for story some time. Andrew Rogers is really annoying and controlling and I’m mean really! Why was she even with this guy. He’s got some serious signs and needed to be dumped. He is suspicious of Oscar!
I can tell that Oscar is a good friend. He supports her and tells her that the boyfriend is great until he’s gone and she still supports her, now against the “shithead.”
The poor Threstrals! Being bred for their tears. . . . and how do they make them cry to collect those tears? I sense a story in the making for a future chapter.
I like the opening paragraph. First it really tells of Xander’s arrogance (and really all Slytherins. What a miserable dorm to live in.) Second, it shows that some things never change even across generations. (Afterall if you asked Draco and Pansy, they would have declared Albus Dumbledore the single worst thing that had ever happened to Slytherin.
But whether it be Dumbledore or McGonagall, you’ve created an engaging paragraph to grab our attention. His request really is arrogant, and I had to chuckle at Hugo’s reaction. He’s right. It’s very classic Slytherin response.
Honestly, I don’t like Xander. Oh, I like him as a character. He’s interesting and has great depth, but as a person. He’s just a jerk. Obviously you’re heading toward a Lily/Xander pairing. I just hope he improves along the way.
Hugo! Yay! I love your Hugo. I love how he is close with both Lily and Xander, and how he sees them both so clearly, and has both an incredible innocence about him, but also such sarcasm at times. He's a dream, I just adore him, and I love the set up that begins here with Hannah Archer. Little red behind the ears! He's just adorable.
Xander's dialogue is so great in this chapter. He is so bitingly witty when he wants to be, and he knows how to rile Lily up, even though she has Hugo by her side to keep him from digging to deep this chapter. But then if someone else is attacking her or making her feel small, Xander is ready to do whatever it takes to protect her. And Andrew could definitely use a dose of Xander... He's such a perfect example of " but I'm a nice guy!" until he doesn't get what he wants, and then he's absolutely horrible and obsessive and vengeful. Lily can handle her own, but it's nice that Xander pays enough attention to make sure she doesn't have to.
The choice you've made with Ginny is absolutely heartbreaking, and we get to see the effects of it on Lily and Xander both in small ways throughout the story, but I just had to bring it up this chapter, because it's where we first really get a grasp that she got ill and the Healers couldn't figure it out or save her. Ugh, my heart!
Also, Lily's friendship group is so fun and interesting and crazy and unique, and we just get a first peak at them here, but yeah, you do them so well as we get to know them more, especially Nia, so I thought I'd just mention it here as we make introductions this chapter!
I love that Harry calls Xander son, even if Xander calls him Harry. You've created such a great, well-rounded relationship between the two of them, where Harry has to figure out how much Xander should be told about who he is and the things that are happening - same as what he went through himself - and that Xander wants to prove himself to Harry, and he has such a curious mind.
What you've done with the Clarifiers is so great, you've made them feel like such a real threat with an extremely troubling purpose, while also being quite different from how it felt with Voldemort. Voldemort was a single person with followers who listened to him, whereas Clarifiers are more like a movement of like-minded people working together, and it's very scary in a new way. They feel like such a present danger, even as they run beneath the surface of the story most of the time.
You've built such a complete world, too, like the introduction of Fabian Ballard in this chapter and how he's controlling what the papers print, and the power he has and continues to try to get later. And then there's things like Hermione having to be left in the dark about who Xander is, because of her own position. And the Auror killed at Connerton and the role that plays later. You just really were so thoughtful about this new world and all of its facets, and that work really pays off with this story.
And then we meet Lily for the first time here, and she's just as interesting a character as Xander, I really love what you've done with her and her relationship with Xander, how they used to be close, but now have some disdain for each other - even if we know they're both mostly just in denial! haha They have great banter and know each other well enough to say exactly the right thing to get under the other's skin. And Lily has this coldness to her on the outside, but she isn't truly a cold person at all, and you balance that so good throughout the story.
Sorry if my reviews are a little all over the place, it's just because I've read so far ahead already that I have a hard time sticking to just the current chapter and add thoughts from what I know is coming! haha
Hello, I'm in love with your story. I read almost all of it leading up to nominations for the Inky's, but didn't review at the time because I knew the reviewing event was coming up, so I'm back now to basically just gush about how much I have fallen in love with your fic!
This is such a brilliant start to the story. It is absolutely captivating the new world and new dangers you've created that are clearly going to center around Xander someday when it all catches up to him again. What you've done to tie him to his grandfather, by giving them the same magic, is just so cool. I love that Xander has this unique ability that runs in the family and is clearly a very scary power to exist in the wrong hands. I think you do such a great job at setting the tone for the story with this background chapter, I can really feel the undercurrent of a new threat from this alone, and I know that only builds as the story goes on, but you set it up beautifully for success here. I also love the line where Ginny tells Harry that Xander isn't him. That really hits, you really feel for both Harry and his childhood as well as for Xander here. It's just a wonderful foundation for a brilliant story.
Quilly! Hello, dear! I'm so excited to be back to this story, thank you for accepting the swap! <3 <3 <3
Wow, these kids keep being so messy... poor children... the night conversation between Lily and Nia was so painful, their friendship is obviously very strong, but there's also so much they are hiding from each other... and poor Lily is clearly still struggling so much after the poisoning... poor girls... :/
Edward... I'm not sure how I feel about him. On one hand, I think he's a good boy and he's just unlucky that he's stuck into his father's machinations. On the other, I don't like how possessive he is with Lily. I mean, he's an adolescent in love, and no one likes to be rejected, so I can't fully blame him, but there was something obscure in the way he reacted to her trying to keep him at distance. It just gave me bad vibes... maybe I'm reading too much there, though.
Ahahah! Yeah, I can bet Mason is a terrible liar... :P (More Mason/Oscar? Please? <3)
Hugo and Hannah... please, fix this situation between them? I need these sweethearts to get things straight again... I can understand how hard it is for Hugo, it's not something easy to explain or open up about, but he needs to talk to her and explain. She'll accept him, I'm sure! <3
And, wait! When did Xander lose Reagan's book??? How??? Did someone steal it??? Who??? This sounds like a very dangerous thing, and I'm worried...
The Kat/Xander/Caroline non-triangle is such a mess as well... Kat is such a schemer, I wonder what she knows, and what she's planning... and what did Harper bring her? I enjoyed seeing Harper making an appearence here, btw! The Bulstrode extended family is fascinating :P Are you going to get back to the Mason/Oscar fic at some point? I'd love to read more of that! (Yes, it's the second time I'm asking for more Mason/Oscar, that should tell you something... :P)
Albus always focused on what was fair. He had better hopes with James. James focused on what was right. I don't know why, but I love this line! It's a very neat concept, and I can see it fitting James and Albus. <3
Harry using presents as a way to both distract Xander and apologize for keeping him in the dark is such a Harry move... I'm a bit worried about how Xander will react once he'll find out All the truth about Xander Vanderberg (sorry, couldn't resist :P) I hope he'll be able to forgive Harry for hiding the truth and taking away his memories... anyway, it's so touching that Harry would give him the book James & co used to learn to become Animagi! My Marauder heart can't help feeling so awed about it! Their conversation was pretty heavy, though. Again, typical Harry, refusing to resort to questionable means, even if it is for a good cause. I can see how Xander's views would diverge from Harry's there, but it's lovely to see how much trust he has in him, either way! <3
Ahahah! That closing line was amusing in a darkish sort of way. No, Quidditch matches between Slytherin and Gryffindor are neither light nor fun, lol! :P (Hope Lily will get out of it victorious, or at least not too badly hurt...)
Great chapter as always! Thank you so much for the swap!
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
heyy quilly, my fren!
so i really loved this chapter because it felt as if there's important stuff in it that are like...mentioned but i feel like they'll be important later - like reagan, teddy not being teddy, hugo wanting to be an auror and ofc galaforth. okay, this last one was given more prominence in the chapter but still!
i feel like reagan has some shifty, possibly even shadyyy plans for xander?? or is in some other way connected to him and his family because that dude has some kind of an ulterior motive for sure,,,i mean why else would he be so interested in xander and hard on him, right??!
i really wonder who the person pretending to be teddy was and ofc i wonder about teddy's actual mission :eyes: obviously whatever mission harry had sent him on was super secret if it required someone drinking polyjuice potion and pretending to be teddy on his pre-wedding party thingie...at least lily and xander are as curious as i am so hopefully they'll manage to eavesdrop like good lil nosy teenagers so we'll find out as well heh :D
but anyway what really got me this chapter, besides the ~~~mysteryyyy was 1) hugo and xander sitting in a corner and being sulky teenagers at a party they feel they don't quite fit in because mannnnn, idk, it was jjust so easy to imagine them, y'know? like the way you wrote them it felt super natural and also quite funny
and 2) xander basically admitting in his internal monologue how much he's actually into lily because that dude is a total goner and it's absolutely ridic how much he wants to pretend that he's not. he's a damaged kid for sure, and i get how the entire situation with him ending up as an orphan raised by the potters means he's both reluctant to get close to anyone because #damage and also how it must feel weird to like lily since it seems like most people (except hugo lol) think he should consider the potter kids as like...foster-siblings.... so it's ~~~complicated but that's the way we like ittt
and lily is such a tease and idk, i think somewhere in her subconscious she knows exactly what she does to xander and that she likes him as well but. i mean. i don't expect her to admit it :D
this was such a great chapter!
kris
Hey Quilly! Here with a little festive review for you :) I've really missed this story and I'm excited to be back here immersed in a new chapter <3
I really feel for Lily at the beginning of this chapter. Nothing seems to be going right for her; she's having nightmares, she's not flying well, her love interest of sorts has issued a bit of a threat. All these things individually would be enough to trouble a person but altogether must feel like an impossible burden for a teenager of Lily's age. I really want her to catch a break soon :(
Hmmm. 'The Dark Side of Potioneering' does NOYT sound like a safe book to lose! Nor for someone as careful with possessions as Xander is it something to have been mislaid by mistake. Someone has definitely taken it. I just wonder who.And to add to his missing book, Xander doesn't seem to be having much fun with all these women, haha!! If it's not keeping up pretences with Kat so that they can investigate Lily's poisoning, Caroline keeps throwing herself at him too. And Xander's not the only one with relationship woes - I want to lock Hugo and Hannah in a classroom and not let them out until they've sorted 'this', haha!
I wish Lily would just ditch Edward, tell him straight that she doesn't want to be with him. Even if he won't accept friendship. They aren't right for each other and Lily knows that. He's way too controlling, the way he catches her wrist and basically tries to emotionally manipulate her. Nia overhearing at just the precise moment that Lily and Edward were discussing that kiss was unfortunate and not what Lily needed...at least Oscar was sensible about it all and didn't give Lily a hard time.
There's a lot to digest and a number of potential storylines in this chapter. James Potter's relationship (or not) with Harper, whether Kat will get what she wants from Xander. Can he comply with her wishes and what effect will that have on Lily? Does Kat know something useful about the Vittamortis or is this a ruse on Kat's part or a red herring? Xander becoming an Animagus - this could be fascinating and I wonder what his Animagus form will take - but I also enjoyed the little delve into Harry and Xander's relationship, how Harry had given him gifts to avoid telling him the truth. And with a little of the truth creeping out, things don't seem so bright for Xander's future. Loved the final line of dialogue which gives the chapter some lightness to end on.
Looking forward to seeing what happens in the quidditch match and what Kat now knows (or maybe doesn't really know) about Lily's poisoning. Can't wait for an update!
M
Dodgy pubs and Albus! This looks like a recipe for… well, I have to read more to find out why the leader of the American Resistance is looking for Xander! Weird that Albus is semi non-chalant about his sister, unless he's getting word from somewhere else as to how she's doing. Maybe someone told him she was fine. Maybe he knows more than he's saying.
Ahhhh! So much intrigue! So Albus was worried sick over his sister, which led to MORE INTRIGUE!
Okay, so I get the Caroline thing and the bonding thing and even the Kat thing, but I'm really surprised about the reveal of how Lily and Xander fell apart. I'm so relieved that they talked (sort of) and that they are trying to repair their previous relationship, sort of. It's hard to tell how far they'll get, but at least they both want to atop fighting long enough to have some honesty between them.
This whole Clarifiers thing though. It's making me twitch in a nervous kind of way. Xander seems to have some big things coming for him. It'd be nice if he had a team behind him when it all happens, but I'm feeling like the angst and drama isn't going to let up anytime soon. Hopefully I'm wrong.
Pix
Hi Quilly, here for our swap! And so happy to be diving back into, well, into this darkness :P again!
I kind of like how, while they're not necessarily comparable, there's like a parallel between what's going on with all the politics and wheelings and dealing outside Hogwarts, and what's going on with all the politics and wheelings and dealings inside Hogwarts. And there's fairly often some overlap between them especially now with what happened to Lily, which is unavoidably a symptom of the conflicts brewing in the magical world at large.
I also really enjoyed this glimpse into what a Hogwarts Quidditch match day would be like with all the families in attendance, like the castle tours for parents. Gosh, but Harry just hiding out in McG's office until right before the match, which he never had to do before Ginny passed. *weep* And when you see people like Ron and Hermione are already in the stands, and Harry's older kids are there too, but Harry still chooses to wait inside until the last minute... it just really highlights his isolation.
I'll never get over how much I love your characterization of Harry, and in particular in this chapter his dynamic with Xander. The habit of giving Xander things to be able to avoid giving Xander information he really wants. There's remnants of that avoidant kind of personality we know of Harry from canon, at least when it comes to dealing with uncomfortable interpersonal things and things that make him feel guilty.
The memories of those days only ever served to make her feel sticky with melancholia though,
This line from earlier in the chapter jumped right out at me. Sticky with melancholia. How incredible!
Thank you for the swap, Quilly, and I eagerly await more ITD (also still rooting for Hugo and Hannah, poor things).
Melanie <3
Hi, Quilly. Here is areview which I promised you to write, about the poor, tortured characters in your story.
This chapter is pretty intense, and I had to read it over several times and write notes on paper about the events, in order to really get a handle on it. Your title, In This Darkness, is very apt because your characters are all in darkness.
This story has many threads; it is not just a series of events in straight-line order, so that you can have many different aspects of the story being touched upon in one chapter (hence the usefulness of writing notes on paper about the various plot threads being addressed with the chapter). Sometimes when we write a chapter, it encompasses mostly one scene addressing one event of the story in one location, and sometimes it is made up of many parts, many different scenes addressing many different concerns. Here I seeroughly five (depending on where you draw the lines) scenes with varyng actors and varying points of focus. So one must use their powers of cncentration to keep it straight. That is not a bad thing; it is probably good exercise for the brain.
Some specific comments on particular scenes. Poor Lily, nothing is going right for her. She isn't playing Quidditch well after being recently poisoned, and the Slytherin team is targeting her, and the tabloids are writing scurrilous junk about her, and her on-again-off-again relationship with Edward is all screwed up, and he's not making it any easier for her, and her friends turn against her.
Xander is missing his borrowed potions book (a serious loss), which may be stolen, and Kat obnoxiously throws herself at him, but reacts huffily when she is asked if she took it (but doesn't deny it). I'll bet she did take it, or at least knows where it is. Why does Xander get mixed up with so many girls - Lily, Caroline, Kat and a dozen other one-night stands? Feeling pity for them? Or responsibility? Kat strings him along by claiming to have "a pretty solid lead" about the Vittamortis poisonings, but she's all talk and no action. This is probably connected to the missing potions book Nevertheless, Xander almost feels sorry for her! But that doesn't excuse her acting like a jerk.
Interesting exchange at the end between Harry and Xander. For years Harry has gone to great lengths to keep Xander in the dark about the Clarifiers, the Resistance, and Brenes, but we still don't know why.
A long chapter without one over-riding focus. A lot of interwoven plotlines and a lot of angsty people. And we stil don't seem anywhere near a resolution of the ills in this society. I predict that there will be a lot more chapters to come! <3
As usual, a polished and flowing writing style, easy to read. Thank you. I enjoyed reading this chapter! :)
Vicki
Such pretty descriptors open this chapter, though it chills me to know that the color red can mean many different things. Not all of them are beautiful.
Oooh, Lily is starting out with deflection, and that’s never a good sign. She feels the changes and the sickness, and she’s not about to admit that to anyone. And poor thing! She’s feeling the distance lengthen between herself and the people she used to hang out with. That’s got to be the worst!
Wow, you’re really letting Lily have it in this chapter! Xander is kissing Kat… wait now. Hold the phone. When did they start doing that in public again?? Argh! Lily’s FEELINGS!!! Distracted is a very mild way of putting it. And oh gosh, HE JUST WALKED RIGHT UP THERE, DIDN’T HE?!?
Now you’ve got me yelling at the screen. Sigh.
“Well I was seeing two of you and now there’s only one, so, you know, I’d say my misery has been cut-down by half.”
*snorts coffee*
Oh, but the ‘I’ll talk to you later’ is a loaded one.
“It was that this deep into the dungeons, the cold felt like an entity, and the darkness circled around like a sandstorm.”
Awesomest line, ever!
Oh, and Lily has hormones. And what’s with the Slytherin boys having their own rooms?? Don’t answer that. I’m just exclaiming out of the unfairness of the situation, and also… nevermind. What’s baffling is that Edward’s family is so… political. And that’s not a good thing. His dad is a right bad person. And yeah, Lily. I see the similarities. But I don’t like them. And I don’t like the similarities between the way Edward looks at Lily and the way that Xander makes Lily feel, because it’s messy and drama and ugh. She’s not in the right headspace to be making sound decisions.
Pix
Hello! I’m back for another chapter!
The image of the soggy cereal is :chefskiss:, along with how it fits the narrative here. Loved that!
Oh, what’s this? A supportive-acting guy who is asking about her breakfast? It’s about time Lily gets herself one of those. I know, I know, it's just Oscar. But man, those papers are playing hardball, and I don’t like it. Not for her, or anyone associated with her. That’s just got to be hard to live with. Picturing that photograph on her grandmother’s coffee table… that’s just HARD. Wow.
And uh oh… Edward Ballard tried to… what, now? Except Lily might not remember it that way?? And she wants to avoid talking about any of it??? Now THIS is something I need to know about!
Okay, when Oscar says it, we KNOW Lily is just fooling herself. Ah, but you turned the tables on me, because I was thinking about Xander along with Lily, completely missing the fact that her friends were referring to Edward. Oh dear. Look what you’ve done to me.
“The reprimand, however, only caused the young ones to run only more frantically about, bumping into each other, and doing an all together terrible job of finding their footing.”
This was very funny, and also extremely realistic. Loved the imagery!
And okay, so I am conflicted about Kat. I know Xander thinks he’s getting something out of this thing… arrangement or whatever… but I’m not sure I trust her? Okay, that’s not a question. Maybe I can trust her a little bit, but maybe I can’t. The jury is out. She needs people, and she knows how to get what she needs. So… I just don’t know if I can take anything she says with a degree of certainty.
Okay, so maybe I can trust Kat, but not too far. Maybe as far as I can throw her, which is just a few inches if I use my hip to bump her really hard. Does that even count as throwing someone? Let’s just say for the sake of argument that it works. If Edward wasn’t involved in Lily’s poisoning, and the Slytherins are talking like they’re confused about it, and of course if Kat is to be believed… then this is a big mystery and there’s someone else at play here.
And Caroline. Are you showing us Caroline here to make her a suspect? Because I’m suspecting a few things. And yeah, if he’s going to break Caroline, this would be a good start. But this is interesting… is Xander admitting in his own head some things about Lily here?? And is this why he’s… oh, this is Interesting…
“he sounded not all concerned but rather like he was rathered as if seeing couples in the middle of tearful encounters was something he had become grown accostomed to.”
Yeah, Professor Coalson and every other high school teacher in the world. Sigh.
Oh. OH!!! If you pour enough guilt on it, suddenly, Xander is willing to help with homework. And I agree with Xander. This is a terrible idea. Even if it is a fake girlfriend and a real interest, and a method of avoiding actual feelings. Yeah. Terrible, horrible idea.
Lily is not fine. Not by a longshot. And she’s ALONE, which is not helping. Her newly-discovered feelings aren’t really helping either.
“We are meant for ambitions powerful enough to destroy us.”
I feel like this is something important here. Like it will come up in a theme somewhere, or is woven throughout this story.
Ah, but I see the good that is coming of Lily’s condition… and now my suspicions are shifting. As are my growing concerns about the upcoming political maneuvering.
Really cool web you’ve woven here! I continue to enjoy seeing where this leads!
Pix
There is nothing worse than waiting for the fate of your friends behind the closed door of a hospital. The not-knowing just kills. And oh god, Harry is there??
“Xander had not realized his heart had gone missing, not until it was back inside his chest, beating.”
Seriously, there is no better way that you could have worded this. Brilliant!
And yeah, I hate Reagan right now. Not just a little bit. He’s too cold to be working with children. Seriously. OIh, that’s tough, putting yourself ahead of so many others like that. But I’m with Harry. He had the means, and he was going to save his daughter.
Okay, so I’m on Team Xander about not needing to know what Nia was doing that night. Geez, and they were so out of touch that they really had no idea what went down.
I love Lysander. Enough said. You wrote her coming out of her poison-induced haze very well. All the disorientation, the confusion, and she doesn’t remember things… which is going to make things complicated.
And then we just roll into Xander having a horrific flashback… this chapter has so much going on… and KAT!!! She almost gave me a heart attack. What is this chapter??? Piles of secrets is what it is. Kat has strats, that’s for sure… and even though I DON’T want to know who put that love bite on her neck, I DO want to know who put that love bite on her neck, and why it would be so much worse if Anthony found out.
What are you doing to me?
You put me through a lot here. I hope you’re happy.
Great chapter!
Pix
Tag! :D
What a great chapter for quotable quotes and thought-provoking bits. Beginning with Xander and Albus's meeting where Albus mentions Lily being in need of a good friend and Xander replies, "She has more than enough friends." Ah, Xander, but that isn't what Albus said at all, is it? She has a quantity of friends, but not necessarily a certain quality of friend. Xander's too content to let the amount of people in Lily's life try to convince him that she doesn't need him specifically.
And more Harry, yay! Spicy Harry, too. I just love how you write him. His quip about there being no more airs of chivalry if Brenes oversteps was so him. And I really loved how you phrased this:
They both stayed quiet for a brief moment. Albus had the distinct feeling that it was not because neither had nothing else to say but rather because they were attempting to word what needed to be said in a way that would not create a greater divide.
in such a way that I could really imagine that tension.
And then these absolutely incredible ways of describing Lily's impulsiveness and grudge-holding:
her mind was furiously searching through the catalog of fights and insults and slamming doors they’d collected over the years, trying to land on the one bad enough incident to shove up his nose as evidence.
and:
enraged, she rarely ever consulted with herself about what it was that she was planning to say next.
And then. Hugo, Hugo, Hugo. I can't blame him for just letting Hannah down. Sure, she'll think he's not interested, but in his mind what's the alternative? Showing her he's interested but possibly not in the way she wants him to be? When he's still struggling with what being interested in her really means for him? And it's not the sort of thing that's easy to just explain to someone, being ace, when it's something that's still so misunderstood and stigmatized.
But this!:
You don't know how many things you can't give a person until you find the person you'd want to give everything to.
:O
Incredible.
<3 Melanie
Hello! I’m here to swap! I couldn't help rolling into two chapters with this, so I hope you don’t mind.
Oh gosh, those flowerstones are so adorable! And aggressive. Ouch!
Okay, so Edward has layers. Wow. Lily is not taking this well. I guess once she pins someone as a type of person, it’s hard for her to come back from that. I’m seeing another layer of issues she’s probably heaped onto Xander. Complications. Huh.
The newspaper buy-out adds another layer. I wonder how Edward is going to fare with how ugly things are going to get. Obviously, he’s prepared, but when he father owns the Daily Prophet… hmm… does that mean that his father has the means to keep Edward out of the papers now?
Oh my god, Xander, stop being a tosser and listen to what the girl has to say! But actually, no one wants to listen to what Nia has to say… and I’m not sure that whole exchange had more to do with Xander and Lily than it did with Nia trying to get Xander’s ire up. Though at least Kat has her priorities straight and is direct about things. And so now that Lily is Aware, she’s trying really hard Not to be Affected… and I don’t see this going well anytime soon… and what the heck is up with Anthony, and what-the-what?? Ah, I see. Kat, not Lily. That was weird, and also unexpected. And almost started a needless fight, which it seems the lot of the boys were up to going for, if it weren’t for the threat of detention. All the hormones are running amok in this chapter. Just… where’s the pitcher of ice water when you need it?
Oh yay! Halloween! That is one of my favorite Hogwarts things, with all the feast things and decoration things, and… ambiance. That’s the word I’m looking for. And the three girls make their entrance again - this time all dressed up and ready to… possibly wreak havoc for all I know.
I’m not sure about Nia right now. She made such a show last chapter in front of Xander, and now she’s throwing glances in his direction… and now she’s going off with Lily… and I have a bad feeling about this. Oh, but maybe she just needs a minute…
And now I have another bad feeling about Reagan. Hopefully, it’s just me being paranoid.
No, Kat! Don’t be like that! That’s so sad! I’m glad she’s worried about the deaths and all, but she’s just so… sad.
Okay, so the way this next scene opens, I’m really, really worried. Lily’s not feeling herself, and she’s lost her friend, and also they just came from Professor Reagan’s office… and it’s just adding up to a lot of foreboding.
“We do wounded a little differently.”
I simultaneously love and hate this line. Great job!
And yeah, this thing with Lily losing consciousness isn’t good. In fact, it’s really, really bad.
A-plus tension building in these chapters! So. Much. Drama. I love how these characters are on the cusp of bringing out their issues, and BAM! Plot hits.
Thanks for the swap!
Pix
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