Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 14 Jul 2019 08:27 PM · For: Chapter 1

Okay, seeing that this story is in the same series as your ice cream and hot tea poem and about Snape, I had to come try to see if I could get some clarity on my questions. Yu got me to read two Snape stories in a row, that is impressive.

 

Okay, so talking about a ring and comparing it to a shackle makes me think whoever the woman is, she’s married. So I suppose since this is an AU it could somehow be Lily, but I’m not sure. Oh wait, wreckage and scarlet hair definitely sounds like Lly. Huzzah, clarity! Wait no, Ice Cream and Hot Tea was set during the second war. So maybe this one is about Lily but that one isn’t. Questions remain!

 

Aside from that, this poem is seriously good. Your description does a good job of simultaneously capturing Lily, the circumstances of her death, and Severus’ emotional state. Each color that you chose was used really well. I also really like how each stanza both references something about her when she was alive and something about her death. I like how the three in the middle are things that physically describe Lily’s body, with the first being the ring that Severus interprets as keeping them apart and ending with Black, he effect all of those things had on Severus. 

 

I also like ho win the black section, it implies that the blackness is caused by the despair at her death, but the blackness also predates that, due to his culpability.

Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2019 09:07 PM · For: Chapter 1

I’m back again after fighting another Niffler, this time, on behalf of Madi/MadiMalfoy! Also, here for the EvS battle (as will be the case throughout the entire month of Jan).

 

I thoroughly enjoyed the last poem I read mere minutes before, so I thought I’d give another one a go, especially since this one had no reviews (omg how is this possible). When I realised it was from Snape’s point of view, I must admit I went “ugh”. I don’t think it’s a secret about my dislike for the character, but I still enjoy reading when others write him, to give my dislike of him a little more nuance, I suppose. And I am not disappointed! This poem still made me dislike him! By focusing on the colours that represented Lily as she lay there (dead), it was as if she was reduced to an object for Snape. This did not endear me to him one bit. I can understand that he’s overcome with grief in this moment, so he’s not thinking very clearly, but in this moment, I just couldn’t muster any kindness for him. Like, the love of your life is lying there dead in a pool of blood, and all you’re standing there describing it as “scarlet” and her (dead) eyes as “emerald”.

 

This, by no means, is a reflection on the quality of your writing! I thoroughly enjoyed myself disliking Snape in this poem. It was likely not your intention, but what even is authorial intent? I really, really enjoyed your writing (as always). The out-of-the-ordinary descriptions of the colours highlighted what a drama queen Snape can be at times, and that he is still a very young man, barely out of adolescence. It also spoke to the depth of his feeling, in a way.

 

Awesome stuff! I look forward to visiting your page some more and hating Snape because of it :P

 

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