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Hi Chiara!! Here to give the latest chapter of TSW some love! And what better day than on Valentine's Day, hey?
The chemistry between Remus and Leander gets me right in the feels, in more ways than one. On one hand, they are such a well-suited match and the banter between them feels so natural and is truly adorable. On the other, I sense that Leander's investing more in this relationship than Remus is; falling deeper, working harder at it. I love that Leander surprised Remus with a little chocolate gift; yeah yeah, probably not that much thought behind the gift itself, but the gesture is so sweet, and he doesn't seem bothered that Remus didn't reciprocate ... but I wonder whether underneath there's a little pang of hurt? Or maybe Leander won't let himself feel hurt because he wants this relationship to work, probably more than Remus does?
I adored the scene in the Great Hall; God, Lockhart's 'Valentine cupids' - I'd almost forgotten about them, haha. Of course Pansy would want to send Malfoy a love poem and I wish it had been recited in the Great Hall - "his eyes are as grey as a freshly-procured gravestone" - but maybe he'll receive it in the next chapter :hopeful: and it segues nicely into a scene at the Gryffindor table. I'm so here here here for the chaos fest that is Harry and the rest of the Potter clan at the moment, and yeah, I'm with Harry on this - they've gone to Paris?? What the. At the very least, did they not stop to consider how Harry might have felt about his 'new' family taking themselves away for a nice little Jolly in France whilst he's stuck at school. I can see how this is probably not going to bridge any gaps between Harry and James, hahaha. And now I want a croissant and some hot chocolate to dip it into and to be doing all that under the shadow of the Eiffel tower...ahh. I suppose if Harry had been a fly on that cafe table, he might have been mollified to hear that James and Lily are missing him. Not gonna lie, I'm looking forward to the argument that's going to kick off when Harry tells James off for cavorting off to Paris at a time like this :eyes:
There was a little nod to Remus and Tonks there - Ronks? Temus? I wonder whether anything's going to come of it. Dawlish is such a tool, like anyone else's personal life is any of his business? And that comment 'casual date' was a bit of a sharp-edged one. Looks like James might be getting it in the neck from Sirius as well when he returns.
I'm really, really waiting on tenterhooks to see how Draco's part is going to play out in all this now that he's got the diary? I can't even begin to guess, but the way that Tom is manipulating him makes me all kinds of concerned...will Draco be taken into the Chamber? If so, who actually likes him enough to go after him??
Ahh, Demelza, you are right about Ginny fancying Harry, but totally off the mark when it comes to who she was staring at and what she was thinking, haha! I wish she would talk to Ron so they can begin to piece this mystery together, but I'm sure you have plans afoot for that!
What a great chapter, as usual! I love this story so much and I'm so happy you're keeping up with it <3
M <3
Hi, Chiara! I am here for your generous offer of a swap. :)
I likd this chapter very much. It was well organized, focused on the main theme of the apparent theft of Neville's diary book of Tom Riddle and his fruitless search for it.
The testy conversation at the breakfast table between Neville and his Gryffindor friends had just the right combination of confrontation, challenge, criticism, sarcasm, correction, uninformed speculation, concern, irritating remarks...and in the end nothing is solved or clarified. But it does show their personalities very well.
And then we segue into the scene in the library and the actions of Draco (aha! the diary thief), who is avidly curious about what's in the book, disappointed that he can see nothing in it, and then by accident instigating a conversation in spirit-writing with the mysterious, spooky Tom Riddle. From the first moment of contact, Draco is suspicious of Tom's motives.
You have some great lines here: "All of Draco's common sense was telling him to close the diary immediately and get rid of it as quick as possible' "He was intrigued, fascinated, and scared in equal measure." I like these lines because they zero right in on Draco's reaction to this unexpected contact with Tom.
Throughout this chapter you focus on several people, one by one -- Neville, Draco, Ginny, Ron, Hagrid -- and yet the chapter doesn't feel choppy at all. I like how each of these little sections reveals what the person is thinking about, worrying about, feeling challenged by. So it makes the chapter work well as a whole. There are definitely villains, and halfway villains, and friends getting on each other's nerves, so that the tension continues at a steady pace.
Nice job. I enjoyed reading it. Everyone seems to be in a tough spot right now!
Vicki
Hi Chiara! I'm so excited to see an update to this story - thanks for the heads-up!
Poor Neville. You really gotta feel for him here. His anxiety is palpable; just where is that fecking diary? Into whose hands has it fallen? Will whoever has now got it learn its secrets and perhaps worse still, connect anything with him? I suppose at least he managed to find Trevor (lol!) whilst searching under his bed. And he must have felt doubly frustrated when Harry dismissed his concerns to begin with and then Hermione pointed out it was never Neville's diary in the first place...but she did unwittingly hit the nail on the head with the comment that perhaps the diary wasn't good for him. Err, try 'not good for anyone'!
Ginny must have overheard and of all the information to overhear, this must have really shaken her to know that the diary also passed through Neville's hands. I hope she does find the courage to confess to Ron, and if she does, I wonder what impact it'll have on the original storyline? Hmm. Or maybe she won't talk to Ron and might take it up with Neville instead? I'm excited to see where you go with this one...
Ahh, Draco, ever heard of the proverb 'curiosity killed the cat'? And Tom knows how to play him for sure. I wonder whether Tom's drawing from experience of Abraxas Malfoy and knows that flattery will get him everywhere with Draco. Already, Draco has pledged his allegiance 'I will not disappoint you' - such a dangerous promise - will he find out before it's too late just who Tom Riddle really is??
And poor Hagrid. How he suffered at the hands of Tom, unable to protest his innocence, and Dumbledore didn't do enough for him then; what would he do for him now? He must be so worried about Aragog too, because if the Ministry come investigating and find there's an enormous and highly dangerous spider in the Forbidden Forest, I can't see them turning a blind eye with a castle full of children so close by...
Another wonderful chapter and I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will happen next. I'm so glad you continue to update this story, it always brightens my day when there's a new chapter to read <3
M <3
Hiya Chiara,
I’m back again! And we’re back at Hogwarts, very excited to hear from the kids again! The last couple of chapters have pretty much been focused on the marauders’ generation, so returning to the school here seems like a great way of balancing the different strands of the story.
I really like how you’re building up that tension and uneasiness in the first section focussing on Ginny – you’ve not explicitly connected the unsettling atmosphere and Ginny’s behaviour to Tom’s influence, which I think is a great choice. It makes it seem much more real and permeating, really shows how the diary affects every aspect of Ginny’s life, even if she’s not actively writing in it. The changes to her behaviour – her sudden anger, the inexplicable shivers down her spine, Myrtle’s being afraid of her – really adds to that to; I like how it’s all very subtle, in a blink and you’ll miss it sort of way, I feel like that goes a long way towards explaining how nobody noticed anything was wrong with her for so long!
Oh, Neville! That section’s so sad, you just want to tell him that ‘those are your friends, stop bullying them’, but at the same time – I kinda get where he’s coming from. If you’ve been bullied for so long, to now be in a position where you have the upper hand, I can see why that would be tempting. You’ve done a great job at explaining Neville’s motivations, even if I can’t condone his actions. I’m intrigued to see how this turns out, I hope there’s still a way for Neville to redeem himself to his old friends, if he ever has a change of heart.
Love Samantha, she’s so observant! And I agree with her, if anyone’s going to fix this, it’ll be Harry! Even if Neville’s objectively in the wrong, I think the chances of him reaching out and trying to reconcile are very slim.
Ginny’s interaction with Tom is excellent, too, perfectly unsettling and creepy! You can see all the little ways in which Tom is manipulating her, making her feel guilty, threatening her – and even though she notices that, and tries to stand up for herself, you can tell that it’s already too late, she can’t really put up a fight against his emotional manipulation and abuse. That section where Tom takes over her body is particularly well executed; I love how you focus more on individual aspects of Ginny’s body – her eyes, her lips, her feet – rather than on her as a person, it really emphasises how, in this moment, she no longer has control over herself, and is forced to be Tom’s marionette.
Excited to see where this goes next!
x Julia
Hi Chiara,
I’m back for more!
Remus, my boy!!! You know I’m always excited to hear from him, you always capture him so well! I love his interior monologue at the beginning; bless him, he’s really going through it, there’s just so much on his plate, and he doesn’t really have anyone to help him at the moment (granted, iirc, he’s not blameless there, but still).
And then Leander shows up, I doubt Remus would ever be happy to see him, but especially not under these circumstances. I’m really curious about Leander and what his deal is – wasn’t he with the werewolf registry at one point, and a massive bigot (at least as a teenager)? I don’t remember if he’s been ‘reformed’, but I don’t really trust his intentions just yet, even if he’s right that Remus is in dire need of a friend. Very excited to see where this goes!
God, everything going on between the Marauders is such a mess, isn’t it? But it’s such a convincing mess! Of course, the easiest solution on paper would just be for James to go talk to Remus (we all know Remus isn’t likely to reach out), but James’s feelings are far too complicated for him to just do that – and it makes sense, of course! That sense of betrayal isn’t going to just disappear on its own, obviously James is going to be reluctant to reach out. And of course, when he does reach out eventually, James wants it to be genuine, and as a friend, and not as an auror looking for help in a case, where Remus would be obligated to help him, whether he wants it or not. That sense of fairness is such a subtle thing, but it’s so inherently James – brilliant characterisation!
Remus, again! I was a bit confused about who he would be talking to at the beginning of the section, because I didn’t think there really was anyone – and then you reveal that, of course, there isn’t, and instead he’s alone at his parents’ grave. It’s such a heartbreaking image, and I think the way you introduced it made it all the more heartbreaking still. It’s an image we’re all familiar with, but introducing it in this unexpected way made it hurt all the more.
I really wasn’t expecting another meeting between Remus and Mary, but I’m glad! Remus – standing alone in the rain, desolate, in need of parental comfort – could really use a motherly figure in his life right now! Even if the fact that it’s Peter’s mother is going to stir up all kinds of emotional complications.
And oh, poor Remus! I repeat, he’s really going through it! You’ve captured that sense of loss, grief, feeling lost so well! It can be so overwhelming, so crushing and devastating when you feel like nothing in your life is going right, I just want to reach through my screen and pull him into a hug!
I really loved how you tied it up at the end, coming back to the theme of dreams! It also offered some much needed relief after all the heartbreak in the chapter, and let’s hope for Remus’ (and James’, and everybody’s, really) sake that this one does turn out to be prophetic!
x Julia
Hi Chiara,
I think this is where I left off last time!
I adore the way Tonks talks about magic, a lot of times when I read fantasy/HP in particular, magic just kind of happens, so the way she’s getting into the nitty-gritty of things, the science (can you say that about magic?) of it is really cool! And I think having James get a bit lost at first when he tries to follow her is a great way to make that sciency magic talk more accessible for readers.
I also really love the easy back-and-forth banter between James and Tonks, it flows so nicely! I think you’ve struck just the right balance with dialogue tags, there’s enough detail to really visualise their expressions and emotions, but you don’t get bogged down by having something like ‘said’ after every phrase, if that makes sense.
(Also some of the details on where things had left off when I last visited are coming back to me now – “someone he wasn’t talking to anymore” must be Remus, I assume – god, there’s so much tension between everyone (for good reason!) but I just want my boys to get along! Can’t wait to see if/when/how that gets resolved!)
I absolutely adore everything about the little family interlude – the chaos of it all felt very real to me, as well as the build-up of tension and annoyance between the Potters! Of course James and Lily can’t get a lie-in on a Saturday, and everything just goes downhill from there. It’s super interesting to see how that typical James-and-Lily, playful banter dynamic transforms under pressure – there’s definitely still a playfulness in their accusing each other of being the cause for their stubborn children, but it lacks something of the levity we’re accustomed to, which I think was really well done! The Jimmy/Harry (still feels strange to just think of him as ‘Harry’) situation is extremely stressful and impossible to navigate for everyone, and of course that would affect the whole family.
The way you described Sirius’s reaction to the children’s home is great, I could really feel how he was beginning to get overwhelmed by his memories and emotions! I also thought the stark contrast between the loving, bright, and cheerful atmosphere of the children’s home and Sirius’s reaction was excellent, to me, everything you described did feel like it was designed with love and care, but at the same time, I think it makes a lot of sense that for someone like Sirius, seeing a home that’s so different from his own childhood home might still bring back unpleasant memories, since there’s a reason all those kids are no longer with their families.
The interaction between Sirius and Emmeline was very cute, too, I really felt like he deserved some sort of a pick-me-up after being confronted with his trauma like that! It makes sense that he would be feeling especially vulnerable and self-conscious after that, and I love that you’re ending the chapter on a positive note!
This was lovely!
x Julia
Hi, Chiara. Tag on the HP Review Tag thread, which hasn't had a lot of action recently.
I liked your change of pace where James and Liy go ice-skating for her birthday, at her suggestion. Obviously, being Muggleborn, Lily has had exposure to ice skating in her youth. (I wonder if there was a skating rink in Cokesworth or a nearby town.) And she might have learned rollerskating as a girl also; the motions of the two sports are similar. But James hasn't even heard of ice skating before today. I guess that wizards don't go into a sports bar to watch the Winter Olympics on a big TV screen. Too bad.
So James can't ice skate at all well,. You give a realistic description of a novice trying to learn to ice skate, using the motions they instinctively make while trying to imitate regular walking, which of course doesn't work at all. And clinging tightly to the handrails. James seems quite frustrated by not being able to ice skate as well as his wife and daughter and everyone else on the rink do.. You have to sympathize with him. He probably feels as if he's making a fool of himself.
Neville is becoming addicted to the diary as a comfort object. I wonder why he feels so happy and contented while holding the diary, like a little child holding a beloved stuffed animal for peace and security. I'd say that Tom is mesmerizing him although Neville doesn't realize that yet.
On the other hand, Draco was never a true friend to Neville. You show this well when describing Draco's resentment when Neville doesn't give him his full attention all the time. So Draco plots to get his hands on the diary and investigate it for himself. That should be an interesting scene -- Draco + Tom!
Thank you for continuing to write on this interesting story.
Vicki <3
Hi, Chiara,
I know, I'm long overdue on this story. Sorry about that. James trying to skate would be a lot more hilarious if I was better at it that he is. Alas, I'm not. If anything, I'm whinier and a lot more likely to break something (including myself). Lily is, however, delightful as she tries to teach him.
Neville's fixation on the diary is worrisome. It seems to rival Ginny's in canon, and I don't believe Draco's counterinterest is going to develop into a saving-people thing. The quiddich was good, though.
So you've got me all wound up again. Congrats, and thanks for the story so far.
George
Hi Chiara! It's me again! I you don't know have a wishlist proper yet, but thought I would pop back in here and spread some holiday cheer (and again, apologize again for the delay in giving you your review from our swap ((probably like a month ago at this point *yikes*))).
Anyway, yaya it's time for Lily and James to have a moment! I'm so pleased because of everything that came up in the therapy sesh. Also James ROMANCE IS A GOOD LOOK MY DUDE. Hah. But yea, this is the 90s in this story and it's taken us some 30 years for guys to finally "accept," that concept. So I am not surprised he believes it's a less masculine thing to be romance. BUT GOOD ON YOU LILY for setting that record straight in the moment. :)
Their banter is adorable and had me laughing out loud!
“Remus isn’t the only werewolf out there. St. Mungo’s has launched a charity project to provide Wolfsbane for free to werewolves who want access to it but can’t afford it. I’ve offered to collaborate with them.”
^^ Absolutely love this plot point! What an amazing notion, Chiara!
Ooh is Neville kind of becoming a bit possessed by the diary, I wonder?! His feelings certainly seem to be growing darker, so that is interesting!
I loved the ice skating moment! I love the comparison to Quidditch and how James is so uneasy about it and then BOOM! BIG FALL! And the moment with Lily falling on top of him, while I'm sure that hurt like hell, was sweet. :)
And now Draco might possibly be stealing the diary? Oh this is going to be REALLY interesting, I can just tell from how you've teased his thoughts and motivations in this final scene here. I'm intrigued and can't wait for the next chapter!
<3 Courtney
Chiara, I owe you a review swap! And I'm terribly sorry that this is so late!
Because Peter is locked away in Azkaban it's easy to forget his prior involvement in the story. So I think Harry's reaction of setting his bedding on fire reminds us of that bond they once had and the tumultuous relationship that still exists with James. Also, it is totally understandable that he does not want to get Hagrid in trouble. This story is great because canon Harry feels alone and misunderstood because he's "the chosen one." And your Harry feels alone and misunderstood because he was kidnapped and has these conflicting feelings about his prior dad and current father.
Oh and classic Draco! In addition to his "Draco-ness," the streak of jealousy in regards to friendship is a new trait we don't really see in canon. Sure, he gets jealous for other reasons, but not at the prospect of losing friends like here. So that is an interesting take I enjoy!
You really write these therapy sessions very well. Ludwig is unbiased, questioning, and forcing his patients to do most of the work. All marks of a good therapist. I think you show his reluctance to take time off very well. I'm glad he does in the end and that he also has the ability to do so.
Ha Hermione's intrusion at the end was just the required level of humor needed because this chapter was very heavy on the emotions! Which is good! You have me so invested in these characters, I just want them to all be ok at the end of the day!
Anyway, I look forward to seeing how these characters continue through the CoS plot and what comes next for Lily and James as well!
Well done, my dear!
<3 Courtney
Hi Chiara!! I'm so excited to see you updated! And this chapter definitely did not disappoint - I LOVED it!! I cannot wait to see how the Draco-diary thread pans out and what you've got in store there - Draco meeting the Dark Lord has alllll sorts of possibilites...assuming he manages to steal the diary off Neville in the first place, of course.
"...when he was still at odds with the Gryffindors – or, as Draco liked to call it, when he was still in his right mind."
This made me cackle; so deliciously droll of Draco and I think you've absolutely nailed his character and level of intelligence. I do feel for Draco though because I don't think he makes friends that easily and he's invested time/effort in Neville, so to see his friend run off to the Gryffindors so easily must be extremely vexing. But that diary seems to have got under his skin more and I suppose it's natural he should be so curious and resentful...although I can't wait to find out what happens, I'm also a little apprehensive because I like Draco despite his obnoxious side and I'd hate for anything awful to happen to him. On the other hand, a break from the diary would do Neville good, even if it does send him frantic when it's no longer in his possession. It's such a toxic artefact, having it so close all the time must be pretty detrimental to his health.
Whilst I'm very invested in what's going to happen between Draco, Neville and the diary, my favourite part of this chapter was the interaction between James and Lily. They have both been so busy lately that they'll have had so little quality time to themselves, so I love that James got up to watch the sunrise, and Lily joined him, and yes I too think that James is a 'hopeless romantic' - of course he is - and the skating scene was just So Bloody Cute I had to read it several times just to get more of a fix <3 There's something wicked coming their way in the form of a basilisk so I'm glad they get a little warm and super fluffy moment together!
Okay so I'm now eagerly awaiting the next chapter (no pressure!), but even if there's a bit of time between this one and the next, that's not a problem - gives me an excuse to re-read this one before starting the next!
Thoroughly enjoyed this <3
M <3
Hi Chiara, finally here for our review!
The opening scene with James and Sirius was full of such humor! And ahh...Sirius stole the letter during his meeting with Andy! The cheeky bastard haha. Anyway, the way you depicted the opening here was excellent! I could see them so vividly moving about and their banter was just gold. And also, it's advancing the plot, so job well done there!
Then this scene contrasts drastically with the next one. Poor Ginny. I could feel her guilt throughout the entire section, the poor thing.
I really enjoyed how you explored the quartet getting the diary, discovering it was Hagrid, etc. I feel like you really kept them all in character in this moment and then really expanded upon the magic of Neville actually disappearing and being sucked into the diary. And then it was a nice detail to include Ginny's presence in that scene as well.
I can't wait to see what unfolds next in this story! I think you're doing an excellent job with this retelling and having kept it interesting with your cast of characters throughout! :)
Thanks again for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
Chiara! Back in the Jimmyverse! Back for our review swap (thank you for that, btw ;))!
As always, your characterization of the Marauders is spot on! I found the silent conversation between Sirius and James super amusing while Moody is essentially interrogating them on their work. Which I don't blame them, but hilarious situation, so good job with that!
I'm happy to see that Sirius and Remus are slowly patching things up. As I recall, it's been a bit of an angst fest between them in this story. It warms my heart they are being more than just civil now and able to joke and laugh with one another. Of course, Dorea acts as the perfect bridge (children often do) in this moment as well.
I also liked seeing Andromeda and Tonks this chapter! I think you give us just enough of a backstory of the dynamic between Sirius and Andromeda that we understand why things are so tense this meeting. And it's almost like he brought Emmeline as a buffer to the tension hah. She's some kind of bridge as well in this moment, though it seems like things don't get entirely resolved between Sirius and Andromeda. But it's a start and that is the important thing. :) Perhaps if Sirius pays more social calls to Andromeda she'll become less suspicious hah.
The scene between Leander and Remus was super sweet and intimate! There is something so intimate about laying in bed with the one who care for, sharing your hopes and dreams, regardless of how ridiculous they might seem. And the support they find in each other is truly sweet in this moment.
I also loved how that scene kind of mirrored the one with Emmeline and Sirius talking about their hypothetical future with or without children. I think both were sweet in their own ways and really brought out their individual qualities such a vivid manner.
This was just an enjoyable chapter that depicted several slice of life moments for these characters. I can't wait to see where we go from here with the rest of the plot!
Thanks again for the swap opportunity! :)
<3 Courtney
Hi Chiara,
I'm here for our swap! Congrats on 1800 reviews, that's so impressive :)
I love the way that you portray therapy in this book so much! It's definitely not something that James would approach on his own, and the banter between him and Ludwig has become so natural over the course of the story. Such a great depiction of a reluctant patient. I also love how you paired this therapy session with all of Harry's inner thoughts on what he owes to James, what James has done to him, and how James can actually help them figure out what's going on with the Chamber. It's such a complex relationship and I think this chapter does a really great job of addressing all the facets!
Also, of course Neville is down with going to Draco for information, but I lowkey wish he could cut Draco off. I know he's just a kid at this time, and only really knows what his parents have taught him, but he's really bordering on unlikable at this point for me :( The comments about muggleborn and Hermione made me so sad :( but it was a great throw-in to note that he's slightly sarcastic when he corrects himself by saying muggleborn. It really showed his position on the situation at hand.
And at the end, Harry has definitely made some progress, but he still clearly hasn't reconciled fully with his new father :/ Hopefully that letter will make it out sooner than later. (Also, Scrimegour's reaction to James asking for time off was exactly what it needed to be! You go, understanding boss!)
Thanks for such a great chapter :)
Cat
Hi Chiara!!! Here for our swap
OMG this chapter was so good and engrossing, I'm so happy to be back
The first thing that really stuck out to me was how skeptical Sirius is becoming of Dumbledore. I feel like it makes so much sense because of his history with authority. I feel like James is naive, in a way, because he's had an easier upbringing. Sirius can kind of see between the nice words, and knows enough to be wary of everyone </3 And also they're so close with Dobby!! Ask the Purebloods, damn their feelings.
I feel so bad for Ginny in this section, she doesn't even know what she's relaly begging for :( I also thought that example of what happens in potions class is a really good way to show just how detached she is right now. My poor Ginny!!
The kids are on the right track with the diary for sure, I just feel bad that Draco might be the culprit and that he'll have betryed Neville :( I wish that they'd somehow been interrupted by Ginny or just anyone to stop Neville from going into the book, especially with the conclusion that Neville comes to! I know Hagrid has to get out of it, but it just puts them on a derailed path :(
I really love how these characters are all coming together from their peripheral spheres! Great work here :)
Cat
Hi, Chiara!
It’s Saturday fun day again! So here we go…
This was such a sweet chapter. Love is blooming all around your story, which made for both interesting compliments and contrasts.
If Ludwig manages to survive James and Remus, it really might be time for him to think about retirement, you know? He’s taken on some tough cases in this story. You and I think of Remus in a very similar way. He has that crushing lack of self-confidence and self-worth. He comes by it honestly, under some of the most brutal circumstances imaginable, but it’s easy to see how it becomes exhausting for friends and therapists alike. Interesting that you brought up Peter as the common link between Remus and Leander’s romantic pasts. I keep wondering in the back of my head whether Peter will play a role again in your universe. Remus and Leander getting together could certainly be a complication at some future point in the story.
"Life is risk, Remus.” - Too true, although it’s easy to understand why Remus is very risk-averse.
Honestly, I was expecting Sirius to be the emotional compliment to Remus’s self-doubt and Emmeline to be the contrast. Then again, we haven’t spent as much time in Emmeline’s point of view, so we don’t understand her quite so well. It is kind of amusing to me that she’s concerned about being perceived — or perceiving herself — as a /loose woman/. That seems like the sort of thing she’d counsel other people against obsessing over.
Sirius is such a whiny baby about his coffee. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate good coffee as much as the next person. But come on, Sirius! You just reached a huge relationship milestone with a lady you’ve been pursuing since the last story. Shut up about your coffee and just enjoy the moment!
"Also, the sex last night was pretty good, why would I want to deprive myself of it?" He concluded cheerily, a mischievous grin lighting up his features.
"Uhm, I don't know…" she said mockingly, "I think I've had better." — I love the dynamic between these two. Neither one is willing to completely cede the upper hand to the other. It’s like a romance and a playground argument all rolled into one. Endearing, sexy, a bit frustrating… everything that goes well in a fanfic love story.
Then we come back to Remus, who is almost functioning at a middle school level of approaching a crush.
"I… I've been wondering… what do you think… of me?" — That couldn’t have been more awkward if he’d written it on a piece of paper and folded it up into a strange origami shape before passing it across the classroom. But, in the end, he gets the answer he wants. I’m happy for him. I think Remus deserves this. Leander is right, though. Remus should not talk so much
Awesome chapter once again! Thank you for suggesting the swap!
Hugs,
-Dan
Well, Chiara, for once I actually read a chapter more than once before trying to review it! I just could not decide what I thought of this one after the first read, or the second, or even the third. I guess it's mixed feelings I have to report. I, like others, enjoyed reading the sequence where Harry learned to appreciate his Invisibility Cloak and perhaps a bit of the family sentiment behind the gift, but then he sets his bed on fire at the thought of helping his father do his job because that job involved putting his kidnapper Dad in prison. Ouch. Ron talking sense was interesting, though.
James' therapy session felt very real to me - although I have to admit my foray into therapy was long ago and didn't last long. I found I was even less patient than James and gave it up after about six weeks, preferring instead to bang my head against the wall. As long as the wall was not brick, that was usually okay. Brick, I confess, had its drawbacks. Anyway, good job on Ludwig. Did he send an owl to Scrimgeour or something? I can't account for the quick approval of three weeks' vacation otherwise - unless, was Scrimgeour screwing with Sirius for fun by sending him Dawlish for three weeks? I mean, that would piss me off for sure so Sirius probably halfway turned into a dog.
That's all I got today. Good chapter! Thanks.
Him Chiara! Here for the review swap.
I like the way you opened this chapter, focusing on Harry's love relationship with his Cloak of Invisibility. Lots of good words here -- adrenaline, quietness, safety, the long line of inheritance that entitles him to the cloak, marvelous how it works, softness, like caressing water, precious possession. All these words produce an all-encompassing feeling of safety, peace, protection, and wondor.
Again we see Harry and Ron going on and on about whether James should be informed of the voices, the mysterious diary, and the mysterious Tom. Ron can't let the subject go. And Harry can't stop distrusting his father about sending Peter to prison. So they hash the same stuff over and over. Harry is stuck. James is stuck.
The scene with James and Ludwig is frustrating to read. If this is how therapy works, I'd never be interested in undergoing it. The therapist is just echoing back in question form everything the client says. It would drive me nuts. James feels this when you have him say "As if I could expect an answer from you." Then why does James even want to continue the "therapy" if it's like talking to a brick wall?
Finally Ludwig begins to contribute something more substantial to the conversation. But it is disappointing to hear James saying, concerning Harry, "I'm his father! I shouldn't need to show him anything? Reallly, James? What kind of a father does that make you?
So now Ludwig advises James to step back from his Auror case and take a vacation. I wouldn't have thought that James would actually acquiesce; I would have imagined him continuing to beat his head against a brick wall.
I also wouldn't have thought the Scrimgeor would be so casually aggreeable to granting James time off (and insisting on three weeks!). Does this mean that Scrimgeor is unimpressed with the slowness of James's and Sirius's investigation and therefore thinks it's no loss if James is off the case for a while? Does Scrimgeor, like Draco, think the supposed monster is no big deal because so far it attacks only Muggle-borns?
This is a well-constructed, cohesive chapter, and I enjoyed reading it. Good job!
Vicki
Hey Chiara!! YAY for chapter 27's arrival :) I've been looking forward to this one ever since I read the sneak peek <3 and whoa, there's lots to digest from here!
The Invisibility Cloak! Harry finally decided to use it - that in itself is a breakthrough in his relationship with James if he's starting to use the gift he accepted from his father on his birthday. I can imagine he's feeling a little bit guilty about it, though; it's such an extraordinary, rare item and a Potter heirloom - nobody gives their heirlooms away lightly, right? No wonder all sorts of thoughts are running through Harry's head. I love the details of how the cloak feels in Harry's hands and the fact that he fell asleep clutching it. Yeah, I think it's going to get much more use from now on. Maybe not the most exciting maiden voyage for it under Harry's ownership, but a revelatory one - if that story about Hagrid setting a monster on the muggleborns is to be believed. I'm glad that Ron isn't completely taken in by all this...I wish Harry would consider telling James what they've found. It's understandable that Harry harbours so many sore feelings about how his childhood has effectively been a lie and how much he's missing Peter, but that's not James's fault - I can't see that James had much of a choice in what happened to Peter after the truth came out.
Ooh, Draco - a bit of jealousy going on there? Is Harry taking Neville away from you? Maybe try to be a better friend to Neville then, I dunno. The bed-making assumption did make me laugh, though, and no wonder Neville felt a little embarrassed by it, haha!!
The scene with James and Ludwig felt so real; it was almost as though I was sitting in that consult room listening in to that conversation. In all this, I'd not really considered how much hurt James had suffered in his life. Losing both parents when he was essentially still a child, with no siblings to share that burden with, and losing a cousin only two years prior must have hit him so hard. It's the sort of grief that lasts a lifetime, but instead of facing it when it does arise, it sounds as though James has probably buried his feelings in an effort to seem strong and in control. Thinking about it, he will have been twenty-one when Harry was born, and therefore twenty-two when Harry was taken (I think) which is only four years after losing his parents...whew, that's so much trauma in the space of only six years. And it's so sad to hear James admit that he feels his relationship with Dorea has changed since Harry came back into their lives (which, of course, it would have done - you can't add a child to a family without all the dynamics altering in some way). I really feel for James here and agree that work is a burden he doesn't need right now; resetting and strengthening the bonds that he has with his family matters far more. I'm glad that Scrimgeour made it easy for James, and I want to see how this time off impacts James's relationship with Lily, Harry and Dorea. Positively, hopefully? It surprised me that James wanted another child, but the idea of a bigger family than the one he grew up in most probably appeals. Having never had a real sibling, he's probably spent up to now wistfully wondering what it would have been like...
What a great chapter! I loved all the naturally flowing dialogue, the speculations, the focus on Harry and James's relationships from both their points of view. I can't wait to find out if Harry does tell James about the diary and Hagrid, and I'm missing Dorea, s I'd love a glimpse into her life right now too!!
I will be back for sure!!
Hugs,
M <3
Arrrgghhh!! How did I miss this update?? I am SO SORRY I'm late to the party, I had no idea there was a new chapter up!! Anyway, lemme at it...<3
Hmm, Sirius, I dunno; WHY has the Heir of Slytherin chosen Moaning Myrtle's corridor? It's a good question ;P And the fact that the message was writen by hand should alert James and Sirius to the culprit being at Hogwarts. I wonder who they'll suspect first? And YES, Dumbledore's way of dealing with things is certainly off at times, right? I'm glad Sirius has picked up on that. I do think that James is being overly harsh towards himself, though; it's not his place to 'save the world' and he can't protect his son from everything. Also, it must be so frustrating and upsetting that Harry doesn't see him as his father, biut that's not his fault either. He's just going to have to exercise patience and wait for Harry to accept him in his own time. I can understand that he wants it now, though :(
The 'let's call at all the Pureblood houses and ask who has a house-elf called Dobby' had me snorting. OMG, can you imagine??! I wonder if they will be able to trace Dobby's owner and use that information to piece this puzzle together.
Poor Ginny; she must be feeling so confused and alone, and she doesn't even know it's not the right diary...she'll obviously work it out at some point, though, and will she try and get the diary back from Neville? I love the way you've altered the diary storyline in this AU and I'm fascinated to know how things will work out and will McGonagall become involved? The dialogue between the four was fun to read and LMAO at Harry stating the obvious with 'he just got sucked in' :D
Okay, so after this exciting chapter I'm now waiting eagerly for the next installment :tapsfootimpatiently: Always a good day when there's more TSW to read!
M <3
Hi, Chiara! I’m here for our swap!
Very cool chapter! It wasn’t full of whiz-bang action, but a lot of important plot points came out. Good information and some impressive world-building, as well.
Poor Dobby. He tries so hard to do good, but the way he goes about it… let’s just say he could use a second set of eyes on his plans. A second set of eyes and probably a safety inspector. I continue to applaud Neville’s restraint when it comes to not just grabbing his wand and blasting Dobby. Not that it would likely work, but Neville is an angsty teenager and Dobby has become quite a problem for him. If there was anything I wished for in this chapter, it would have been for Neville and Dobby’s interaction to go on a bit longer. I’m curious what Neville makes of Dobby’s reasoning.
Very nice section with Ginny and Tom. I really like the way that Ginny’s so twisted up in his possession that she can’t even trust her own feelings:
For the briefest instant, a strange feeling crossed her. She felt joyful, triumphant, and it made her feel disgusted with herself, because how could she feel that way in such a tragic moment? But it was a volatile feeling, and the despair filled her once again immediately after. Whatever the strange sensation was, it had already been forgotten. — This! Her own feelings are being overtaken by Tom’s feelings at times. It’s terrible for her, but also sound exactly like what would happen as Tom gradually takes over. It’s all building toward the confrontation in Chamber of Secrets, where Tom will attempt to erase her.
Ginny wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. She was suddenly feeling a lot better. — Ugh. Poor Ginny.
I love seeing the James and Sirius together with Remus again during the full moon. Granted, Remus is a bit subdued from the Wolfsbane potion. They aren’t running through the forest with wild abandon. But they are together. I understand how Remus feels that he can’t quite believe it’s happening. He rarely seems to allow himself to accept how much his friends are willing to do for him. But it’s happening nevertheless.
I’m wondering whether there’s any future for Peter in your universe, aside from being this presence that looms over everyone from afar. Clearly Harry and Remus miss him very much, while James is going to struggle to get over the betrayal. All that said, I can still feel his presence in the narrative, so I’m hoping there’s a future for him outside of Azkaban.
Then we get to the really neat world-building. Most authors who explore House Elves to any extent have to grapple with the question of why creatures with such unique powers would willingly submit to servitude. I like your explanation better than most. There is a symbiotic relationship, or at least there was in the beginning. Wizards have manipulated that relationship to their own advantage.
I have to pause and say, it would be very cool to read something about forest elves. Maybe not in this story, but I think it’s something you could have fun with!
And then we get to the payoff. It is possible for a house elf to have done all the unexplained things that have happened around Neville. As an Auror, James is not fast, but he’s reliable. It feels like he’s starting to narrow in on the answer.
Like I said at the top, very cool chapter! Looking forward to more.
Thanks for the swap!
Hugs,
-Dan
Hi Chiara.
Here for our review swap. :) Another great chapter.
I enjoyed the line of absurdity, early in this chapter, where Sirius says, "Maybe what we should do is go and knock at all the Pureblood households and see if anyone has a house-elf named Dobby." I love it when a line of straight-faced absurdity pops up unexpectedly within a more serious conversation.
I really like your expansion of the interactions with Diary Tom with both Ginny and the group of Harry-Ron-Hermione-Neville. You have developed it more than it was in the canon CoS, giving us a lot more of Ginny's thoughts and reactions, which is important because this situation was emotionally very troubling for her. So this is an improvement over how her thoughts were described in canon CoS (which is, of course, all from Harry's point of view).
Exciting chapter as the four friends cautiously venture into the dangerous unknown of the mysterious diary, the mysterious person whose messages to "Tom" are showing up in their own diaries, and finally the mysterious Tom hinself. Their fear is very evident as they slowly probe farther and farther. "Agitated, nervous, uncertain, pale, I don't like this, tense looks...good words to convey their fear and dread.
I noted that Ron was the one who voiced that they should go back to the dorms and not follow up any more tonight, but Neville was the bold one who plowed ahead anyway until he got sucked into the diary, much to everyone's horror. (In canon, Neville would not have been the bold one.) At this point, everyone is in agreement to run back to the safety of the dorms. They realize that they are way in over their heads. Very well written scene. The reader really feels the suspense and danger.
The final scene, where Neville returns just before the other three will have to confess their folly to Professor McGonagall, is also strongly emotional. At first the reader thinks that Neville is just staggered by the experience of going into and out of the book, but it''s not just that. It's what he saw and heard while he was in there. And I see it's the same old lie -- that Hagrid is the culprit.
Excellent chapter. Nice job!
Your AU version of events is interesting - I enjoyed the James/Sirius dialogue particularly, and the group reaction to the diary provided a lot more flavor than the original, even though Neville didn't seem to question Hagrid's guilt any more than Harry did at first.
Hi, Chiara!
Saturday fun day is here! Let’s do some reading and reviewing!
Honestly, given the notoriously short attention span of Hogwarts students, it’s crazy that people remember his winding path well enough to be suspicious of him. He’s gone from being the new student from America to being the long-ago kidnapped child of James and Lily Potter, miraculously returned home. From being the unlikely friend of Neville Longbottom to being mortal enemies. Somehow, though, they’ve connected the dots between him and Peter well enough to get this story going in their heads. From that departure point, the whole narrative is perfectly sensible. Ron and Hermione being, well, Ron and Hermione. She’s worried. He’s mostly oblivious until the right facet of the story catches his attention.
Harry gasped and his hand went automatically to clasp Hermione's arm. Ron must've done the same, because she suddenly exclaimed, "Harry! Ron! Honestly! You're cutting off my circulation!” — that part was adorable. No matter how much she annoys them, Ron and Harry can’t help themselves being protective of Hermione. I like how Samantha’s role has evolved alongside the Harry/Neville dynamic. Since the band broke up, she’s become sort of a go-between.
James still wasn't sure he'd made a sensible decision. — Oh, for Pete’s sake, James! This is as close to a sensible decision as you’ve made since the last story ended! Have you noticed that I spend a lot of time talking to James as though he can hear me? A bit crazy of me, no?
Remus and his pal / maybe-love-interest Leander are almost as awkward and adorable as the Hogwarts kids. There’s two ways to take a statement like, “got in the habit of having breakfast together.”
Also, I love the back-and-forth between Remus and James. It feels like two old friends leveraging inside jokes to rebuild their damaged friendship and it works.
Leander is a complicated character and I really curious where you’re planning to take things with him. It’s plain he has a complex history with both Remus and James. I could see the dynamic going several different ways, all interesting.
”I owe you an apology. I've been unfair to you.” Gee, James, you think???
Just a thought, but maybe we should get every last adult in this story into therapy with Ludwig. Probably a few of the kids, too. I think the idea has a lot of potential. Let’s workshop that…
Remus has such a Hermione-like take on the house elves. Also some practical knowledge that should prove useful to James. Oh, and Leander also happens to be an expert on magical creatures. What a multi-faceted guy…
Since Neville isn’t a flier, I wondered whether you’d do anything with the scene where Lockhart screws up Harry’s arm. But there he is in all his inept glory, ready to “treat” Neville after he falls. I am curious who is responsible for messing with the stairs. Could be Ginny, I suppose, under Voldemort’s control. At the same time, that’s a bit risky. Hopefully we’ll see soon…
Snape’s decision to make Harry take Neville to the Hospital Wing left me wondering what, if anything, he’s playing at. Maybe Dumbledore’s directed him to try to heal the schism between the two. Maybe Snape just thought it was a mean thing to do, so he enjoyed it. Hard to say whether there’s an ulterior motive here…
Let’s hope this is the barest start of Harry and Neville getting over their differences. I’m sure it will take much longer, but it would be nice to see the band back together. They’re going to need all hands on deck to save Ginny from the Chamber of Secrets!
Awesome chapter, as always! Thank you for offering the swap!
Hugs,
-Dan
The opening of this chapter is so atmospheric! I love the dramatic weather, and the way the thestrals look pulling the carriages in the weather. Very cool descriptions there.
Okay, Neville is blushing an awful lot here. Does he possibly have a crush on Draco? Because I would be here for a Neville/Draco ship as they get older :eyes:
Draco’s whining in Herbology is making me laugh. I love how much of a diva he is. I also love how sweet Neville is with Draco. He is one of the only people who know who Draco is behind the front that Draco puts up for everyone else. I hope their friendship survives.
AHHHH I LOVE THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN DRACO AND NEVILLE! It’s so honest and sweet and I love how they both like each other, and how Neville doesn’t shy away from telling Draco the things that bother him about Draco. And seeing this confident Neville, who is good at potions is so nice. I hope Draco listens to him.
So I love the kids comparing notes and figuring things out at the end of the chapter. Ron is being a prat, and he deserves the kick Harry gives him. But Harry’s right, he should write to James. I’m worried at the end when Neville is insisting that they investigate on their own. Bring in the adults Neville!!!
Thank you so much for swapping with me—I enjoyed the chapters :D
Yours,
Noelle
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