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Hey Dan!
I'm here to leave you a review for my fanfic favorite challenge and for the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review Battle - June 2019 - Team Red! Thank you for allowing your story to be fanfic'd!
So don't ask me how I've not read Detox. I know it's one of your older and more iconic stories, but somehow I've missed it. Shame on me. I'm a terrible friend. But here I am to resolve that egregious error.
One thing that I really admire about your writing is how deeply you delve into character building. Of course, a plot if important, but I find that if a character isn't compelling, it's hard to invest in even the most interesting plot. Here, you build Draco as very tortured by his past and frankly, after everything he's been through, it's easy to understand why he might be. It's easy to view him as a villain when you compare him to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but I think a lot of people lose sight of the fact that he was a child forced into a horrific situation. You manage to capture that while still holding him accountable for the awful things he's done.
I thought you also really captured the haze of drunkenness very well. The scene was exceptionally cringey and difficult to read, but really sets the story off in the right direction. Draco is messed up and pretty much at rock bottom. If he continues in this direction, he will not survive.
I'm glad you also didn't paint the wizarding world as all peachy and healed up immediately after the war. I definitely think there would be hostility towards someone like Draco, who though he was young, absolutley did some horrific things. I think it would be hard for the masses to see him free and I do think he'd even be treated as a criminal who dodged justice.
Astoria is really exactly who Draco needs in this moment. She is unflinchingly kind to him, even when he's covered in spatters of vomit and probably smells horrendous. That's not an easy task. But she helps him up, feeds him, and even speaks to him like a human. It's amazing how that small action reminds him that there is a world around him.
I think the letter of accountability to his mother was a smart move. When he wakes up, he'll need someone to encourage him in the right direction. It's hard to face one's demons, but with the proper support system, Draco certainly has a shot at it.
Great first chapter! I'll certainly be back sooner than later to read the rest.
~Kaitlin
Author's Response:Hi, Kaitlin! Thanks for stopping by.
I have this thing about JKR and Draco Malfoy. If was so simple until Half-Blood Prince. He was this caricatured, overdone, somewhat buffoonish antagonist. No real depth to the charater. Easy to dislike and dismiss. And then JKR took pulled this disposable villain off of the rubbish heap of throwaway narrative elements and actually did something interesting with him. And I was stuck. Because he became too intriguing to ignore. First I wrote Marked, then I wrote Detox. I blame Jami for a lot of this, but JKR also shoulders a share of the blame.
The funny thing is that I've never felt like I put a whole lot of work into building the character of Draco. Astoria? Sure. Narcissa? Somewhat. But Draco? Nah, I feel like most of this character construction was already there. Just needed to take what we were given in the last two books and extend the concepts to their logical end points. He is all of the things you're describing. He's like Harry, in a Mirror Darkly. The boy who was given everything, never suffered for his father's (mis)deeds, never wanted for love or affection, knew from as far back as he could remember that he was a wizard, had a ready-made circle of friends (and sycophants)... Draco was Harry's perfect inverse until fate and the Dark Lord threw them into an oddly similar predicament. And in both cases, it was a mother's love that ultimately saved them.
So the haze of drunkenness... I know things. I drink and I know things. Enough said.
The wizarding world is, to paraphrase Ving Rhames, pretty flipping far from OK. So many open wounds that only time will heal. I imagine that Draco and the other pureblood families who aligned with Voldemort were openly despised after the war.
Ah, Astoria. My sweet liittle summer child. Enjoy her now, because she has to start growing up too fast...
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. This story was a labor of love, after the life I gave Draco and Astoria in Conspiracy of Blood.
Thanks!
-Dan
A very impressive chapter. The talk between McGonagall let us think about Draco's future. As we read the spot, we feel for his struggle and his hope for the future.
What you described about Astoria is completely your imagination and original. I really respect your creativity. Her angst lies among Pure-Blood society's old tradition which has made her anger or frustrated.
They had a moment bliss in the corner of Trophy Room. I guess the scene added an exciting essence in your story.
K
Hi, Dan. I came back to your story.
A great start for Draco's new ordeal. I am glad he found his hope along with Astoria. Your Astoria is very new to me. She was described as a perfectly angel to Draco. As Harry had a reason to fight for, you gave Draco a reason to do better. True happiness gives the power to pull out of the bad condition.
The most impressive part is how you wrote Draco's anguish.He knew he had been nothing more than being the target to be thrown people's gestures of contempt or loathsome words.　And Astoria made his mind change, for the first time after the war. He became ambitious and had an aim to live again with her mental support.
It may be too early to say brighter future opened the door to Draco. The world is not so easy for the losers. I expect there will come more angsty scenes in the next chapters.
K
*Transferred from HPFF*
REVIEW TAG!
It’s been a really long time since I read this story, and I’ve missed it :( I really need to get better at regularly reviewing stories, because I know how much I love feedback and it sort of makes me a horrible author for not doing the same. But, anyway! I am here!
Draco’s worry about being recognised and his struggle to get readmitted to Hogwarts made me think of something. It must be so difficult for people who were on the “losing” side of a war. A lot of the time, these people were not directly involved in the conflict, but are still negatively associated with it. I love this aspect of the story, how it makes me think about the repercussions and aftermath of big calamities. The struggles and bigger themes are very applicable to daily life, and that’s a real pleasure to read.
I remember you mentioning in my last review that this wasn’t going to be a “Draco getting better” story, and with Draco’s symptoms of PTSD, I think I have a better understanding of where you might be taking this character. I love how you’re portraying him as more complex, blurring the lines between “good” and “evil” as they are, making him far more human. It’s obvious that he hasn’t given up in all his beliefs from before the war, be they good or bad, and I’m really looking forward to his ensuing struggle with those beliefs being challenged by others and himself. I think the biggest drawcard for me about this story is that I really want to know where he ends up at the end. What is he going to be like?
The extreme reaction of Minerva McGonagall really has me as surprised as Draco. They really don’t like him, do they? I can understand limiting his interaction with the student body in order to facilitate the recovery of the students, for which he is partially responsible, but McGonagall’s reaction… threw me. At first, I was like, “what? No! This isn’t the McGonagall I know and love” but then I was thought that she’d also lost people for which she cared, and after all, she is human. She’s allowed to grieve and be angry.
For some reason, I had an insane fit of giggling at the mental image of Isadore’s crazy cat lady aunt.
Oh, my goodness! I love the way you write Slughorn! He’s a little self-absorbed and very materialistic, and I’m just fangirling over the way you show these characteristics in his speech and mannerisms. So awesome!Ooh! Clandestine meetings between Astoria and Draco! I’m sort of excited and anticipating awkward teenage communication, but also at the same time dreading the possible second-hand embarrassment. Especially now that we know that Astoria fancies Draco… And Draco is also quite the awkward turtle. Lots of chances for second-hand embarrassment to look forward to!
*Transferred from HPFF*
REVIEW TAG!
I read the first chapter of this story quite a while ago, so my review is a little late because I went back to reacquaint myself with Draco.
I actually like Draco a lot more in this chapter than I did in the first. I don't know if that's because more of his personality is revealed, but it feels as if there's been a lot of character growth between chapters one and two. It was as if Astoria really kick-started his life, and it feels like he's become a lot more aware of what he is in a very short amount of time. He's not exactly "getting better" and the scene in the restaurant really illustrated that he has a long road ahead of him to get what he wants.
It's quite interesting that Draco still wants a standing in society and respect from his peers. I would think that considering his current headspace, society and what others think of him would be the last thing on his mind, but in a sense, it makes sense. It's the way he's been brought up, and he feels if he achieves those things again, his life may begin to take on some semblance of normality. It does feel as if the kind of respect that he wants is different to the one his family had previously. Even this early in the story, it feels as if he wants his family name to be remembered for its own merit rather than its blood purity. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into this, but I think it shows that Draco is quite mature in those terms already.
What I find so intriguing about this story so far is the turmoil Wizarding society is in. Right now it feels as if it's beginning to lean towards a very extreme hatred for purebloods, rather than acceptance of people regardless of their blood status. I think that's quite realistic portrayal of the situation. The society as a whole suffered a great trauma, and like the individuals that make it up, it's going to take some time to heal.
Your portrayal of the Greengrasses is also so fascinating. They are blood purists, but their views are more restrained and mainstream, I think. They actually make me think that if the Weasleys weren't poor, and Arthur wasn't obsessed with Muggle technology, their views on blood status could be very similar to those of the Greengrasses. I just love how they hate the pureblood families that supported Voldemort, not because of the idealisms that they advocated through him, but because it besmirches the good name of old pureblood families as a whole. I always forget that the Wizarding society of Britain is just so small. They function more like a small town, where everyone knows everyone else, and families that have been around for generations actually means something. I just love how the Greengrasses are a window into life on the other side of the glass, so to speak. I don't really know how Astoria is going to be as a character as yet, but I definitely hope to see some more of that tension in the old families.
I just really adored this chapter for the world building that you did, as well as further character development of Draco. It has me very interested to see where Draco, as well as the people that surround him in general will all go over the course of this story.
*Transferred from HPFF*
REVIEW TAG!
I don't usually read stories like this, but I was in an adventurous mood, and your writing is always so excellent, that I thought I might give this a go. I love me a good Draco-gets-better story, so I couldn't resist!
I must say that I'm not even a little bit disappointed that I read this. I will forever be envious of your mad descriptive skillz. You manage to paint the scene and the characters without using unnecessary words, which is totally awesome. There seems to be some direction to this as well, and it's great that it's so evident in the first chapter.
I really enjoy your characterisation of Draco. Whilst it's not how I imagined him after the War, it's still very believable and rings true of what we know about him. It's going to be a long and painful journey for him, and I'm glad that I can tag along for the ride!
Obviously, you don't need to be told how good a chapter this was. First chapters always give me grief, so I stand in awe of your superior first chapter skills. Looking forward to seeing what happens next!
Here's the FINAL review tranfer from HPFF. *sigh* This is such a great story.
Hello, hello!
I made it to the last chapter. I'm so sad right now :(
Loved this. Loved it, loved it. The parallels are absolutely brilliant. First off, we have the tie in from chapter one of PS - Draco's thoughts on their sort of people reminded me of Vernon Dursley's thoughts about the Potters. Then it extends to the "wrong sort of people" and we see that Lucius has not changed his ways. Although, given his condition, he may now be at a point where he flat out doesn't remember the Second Wizarding War and is pushing his old-school Pure Blood prejudices on his grandson.
As a side note, you've brilliantly characterized the relationship between Scorpius and Lucius without him even making an appearance in the chapter - pure genius. Lucius obviously dotes on Scorpius and they are clearly really close, as is evidenced by his disappointment that his grandfather is too sick to accompany him to his first trip on the Hogwarts Express.
My favorite parallel is the insecurity of the two boys (Albus and Scorpius) at being sorted. Harry handled it much, much better. Draco had to do some backpedalling, but came out fairly unscathed.
I love your characterization of Scorpius. He's been sheltered and has grown up in an adult world, with little exposure to other kids. Hogwarts is going to be a shock, to say the least. It seems appropriate that he isn't as confident or arrogant as his father was at that age, but he still retains the reserve and a bit of his cunning nature.
I find it interesting that Astoria still holds a grudge against Ron for the arrest attempt at Greengrass Manor - is this yet another parallel because Ron is forever going to hold a grudge against Malfoy for Hermione's torture at Malfoy Manor? Hmmm... very clever indeed, Dan.
The only thing that struck me as really odd in this chapter is when Draco suggested that Rose was cute. I know that he's only doing it to see if anything takes hold in an attempt to irritate Ron, but I'm having a hard time imagining that he would even entertain the idea of his son and Rose being a couple - especially given his and Astoria's distaste for Ron. It worked really well for the story and was a great way to segue into the next phase of Draco and Astoria's life.
Weasley's daughter seems a bit... delicate to me.
I see what you did there - very clever. Although I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of that story (**hides behind couch to avoid being hit**). I know it's headcanon for most people. If you want the full version of my explanation, I'll send it to you in a PM, but for right now, I'll just say that part of my reasoning has to do with an "occupational hazard" for me.
But I can say that this story is now my headcanon for Draco/Astoria. It was awesome, entertaining at every turn and really made me understand Draco, Astoria, Narcissa and Purebloods at another level. While most writers are either brilliant or entertaining, you manage to capture both of those with each and every chapter. Thanks for sharing your gift.
On to Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood
♥ Beth
Wow. I can’t believe I *almost* finished transferring over all my reviews and then stopped short of the last two chapters. Actually, I can totally believe it. As far as reviewing goes, that’s pretty much my M.O. Hopefully 2017 will bring new reviewing habits (and new reviews, too!). Here we go!
Wow! The way you ended the last chapter, I didn't think that there was any way these two (or the rest of the Greengrasses) were going to get out of this one. You left the arrival of the aurors until the very, very end - with yet another fantastic fight scene. I love the way that Draco's focus never waivers. "Keep Astoria Safe." has been his mantra for the past three chapters. As soon as he sees his life clearly, he knows that it is worth less than her safety.
Some very important things happened in this chapter to solidify their feelings for each other. First off, they both grew up exponentially. They were both willing to die for each other, but Astoria realized that her death would also mean the end for Draco and so she found the strength to fight Gamp. I love how you were able to convey her insistent injuries throughout this chapter. It would've been easy to brush off the fact that she'd been hit with the cruciatus just a few moments before, but I could really feel her pain with every move she made.
Ron gets his comeuppance (I think that is the first time I've ever used that word!) from the earlier chapter where he humiliated Draco. He is called out by both Harry and Robards - and put in his place. I can't imagine that Draco didn't get a modicum of satisfaction from all of that. Although Ron always was more of a hothead, I can't exactly fault him. His actions are probably motivated by how Hermione was treated at Malfoy manor. If memory serves, that was merely a year before. Ron isn't likely to forgive that.
Harry is, as always the voice of reason in all this. It's really important that he was posing as Blaise because if not, it might've been difficult for Draco to prove which side we was on in all of this - the ending could've been very, very different.
I just melted with the tender moment between Draco and Astoria where we get to see their true emotions for each other. They both take the time to apologize and express their deepest feelings.
Horatio is a bit redeemed in this hospital scene - I like that he doesn't give Draco a completely clean slate, rather a small opening for him to prove himself. That is all Draco needs for the moment.
The scene with Draco and Astoria in the hospital bed was beautiful and perfect. I think it was important for him to break down in front of her and have her comfort him. It gives balance to their relationship where they truly know they can be there for each other in the long run. This has been mirrored throughout the story with both Lucius and Narcissa and the Greengrasses. It adds another layer to their relationship - and maturity.
The proposal was sweet and unexpected, but perfect just the same. These two have had so many obstacles along their way, it makes sense that, one the road is at least a little bit clear, they would jump right in.
This chapter was just perfect!
Beth
Well hello there! Here’s another transferred review for you.
Hi Dan,
I'm here (finally) to review this next chapter. And it was a fantastic chapter, at that!
I love the way that you've brought us right into Draco's emotions. Not just in this chapter, but since the first sentence of the first chapter, where everything was blurry and confusing and he was drunk in the bar. This is the antithesis. Everything is finally clear for Draco. You've beautifully paralleled his clarity through your description of the scene in front of him. He is focused on keeping Astoria safe and he clearly has his goal in mind. With that, he clearly sees all the details of the outside of the manor house. Brilliant.
Maybe this gets answered in the next chapter, but did Flint die? I know that Sectumsempra causes intense, severe bleeding and I didn't think anyone could live for very long without the countercurse. Hmmm...
Another battle scene. Oooo! This one is just as good if not better than the last one. There were more people in the room and more comings and goings so that could have come off as confusing. But yet again, your skill at balancing description with action was spot on. I did read this one through several times, but that was for sheer enjoyment because it was so well done, and not because I was trying to pick up details that I'd missed.
In addition to the great description, there is another layer that you add to your dueling scenes. While a good author will make sure the scene is well thought out with action and reactions from both parts, you also include the mental element that comes from within the character. I'm not just talking about what the character is thinking at the time - that is easy. As a tennis player (okay, it’s been a while...), a large part of the game is how your opponent views your skill. Even if you are not as good as they are, if they think you can beat them, you can win the match. This is done subtly, by positioning yourself at certain points on the court in relation to them and by small acts of body language. You are the first author I've read that has translated this into a duel. It’s no small feat, but it adds so much realism and depth to the story. Like tennis, it is subtle but an enormous part of an actual duel. If Draco had given off an air of fear, Avery would've sensed it immediately and gone in for the kill, without hesitation.
And of course the love story continues to play out between them. I love you. He just has to say it because they are both in mortal peril and if he doesn't do it now, it might be too late and those words in that moment just added so, so much depth to the scene. Aaahh. Good job with the feels on that one.
This was great. Superb.
Thanks for writing this!
Beth
And another review from the past makes its way to HPFT.
Hello, hello!
I knew it. I knew you wouldn't let Narcissa's beautiful plan play out. Very nice with the plot twists, here. I seriously did not see how they were going to get out of this one. Draco is smooth and Narcissa always maintains a cool head, but there are only two of them and all of a sudden all these other bad dudes show up. Thank goodness Lucius is at least within enough of his mind to know to fight and which way to point his wand, even if he thinks he is in the Department of Mysteries.
I loved the term "flintlock" - brilliant. Your descriptions of Nott's injuries and the battle that ensues were fantastic. I usually find that I have to go back and re-read battle scenes to make sure I know who was hexing who(m?), or if someone had fallen to the side, or what injury had been sustained, but this scene was evenly paced and easy to follow. Definitely not lacking in action, however.
And I think the most important point of this chapter is perhaps the most subtle (and brilliantly done, by the way). Draco has finally learned to control his anger. It has plagued him since the very beginning, and he has had small moments of control (mostly that involved Astoria), but here he has every reason to lose it, but he doesn't. His family is under threat in their own home, he has lost Astoria (or so he thinks), he job is requiring him to relive his worst memories, and he just learned of his father's illness. Yup. Old Draco's life is in turmoil to say the least. BUT, he manages to keep it together, and assess the rather dangerous situation in front of him.
You did mention to me that Narcissa steals your scenes, and that is completely alright with me. She is awesome. And she did it again!!! Holy fireball, batman! It seems that some ancient Black relative found a way to contain and control fiendfyre? Maybe that wasn't your intent, but the descriptions were similar to me!
My two favorite parts were the humorous bits you added in:
"Hi, there, Malfoy, Mrs. Malfoy. How are you?"
Ahh, Goyle, the clueless prat until the very end, huh? You almost can't fault him for his actions because he just doesn't have the ability to know any better.
"He left that thing to you?"
Narcissa lifted her eyebrows noncommittally in response.
"He couldn't very well leave it to your Aunt Bellatrix. She would have burned down the entire island."
Oh, can you imagine that object in the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange? I quiver at the thought.
Daphne is so clueless and self-absorbed I almost don't feel sorry for her at having married a power-hungry murderer. I keep trying to find one redeeming quality in her, maybe because she's Astoria's sister, but I think the only thing that I can come up with is that she is too focused on her own poor lot that she can't be evil.
Ugh! Another cliffhanger, Dan? I suppose that's appropriate given that we're heading toward the climax of this story. You've done a fantastic job with the sense of urgency here. I'm holding my breath throughout the entire chapter with the hopes of letting it out at the end - and then bam I MUST read on because it just got worse for all of them!
Until next chapter,
Beth
So… not only am I thoroughly enjoying rereading your fabulous story. I’m also flinching regularly at all of the typos I left in my original reviews. I’m sure I haven’t caught all of them...
Hello Dan!
Yikes - this chapter was a doozie! I can't even get over all of the events that occurred in such a short span of time. I'm dizzy from all of this action - but it seems to be just the beginning.
What a fabulous portrayal of a broken heart. Poor, poor Astoria, reduced to physical pain and basically a sickened stupor. She really feels that she has lost it all. There is hope, however. Her mother may be an ally in all of this - she seems to be able to manipulate Horatio when the need dictates. It reminds me of a line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding "The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants to." We also see a little bit of this playing out between Narcissa and Lucius - but I'll get to them later.
The little comment about Emery Montague and his - er... situation made me laugh out loud. I love the way you slip in little bits of humor for the reader - even in a dramatic chapter like this one.
Draco's emotions during the scene at the Ministry were also beautifully described. He abhors dark curses after living through their effects. I also think Draco abhors part of himself because he once was seduced by the power that accompanied following dark wizards. Standing from the other side, it physically and emotionally sickens him. He might think of this as weakness, but I feel this will become one of his greatest strengths. I don't know if you did this intentionally, but Madame Blishwick reminds me a LOT of Delores Umbridge. Both were fools to think that the ends justify the means and both were blinded by their desire to achieve power and fame. In both women, nothing else mattered but success in their set goals.
The scene with Lucius and Narcissa was powerful, revealing and all around awesome. So the truth comes out that Lucius is not well, mentally. This horrid fact forces Draco to grow up in a matter of minutes. He goes from being (somewhat of a) petulant child (more like a brooding young adult) to the realization that your parents are mortal. Right in the middle of his tirade about how Lucius put the Malfoy family in a tricky spot in terms of moving on in society, Draco is suddenly faced with the fact that his father may not be around for much longer. Lucius suddenly appears very weak. It is a difficult thing to accept that our parents are mortal - because it forces us to face our own mortality. Great job with the emotions playing out here.
But I've saved my favorite part for the last. Narcissa is brilliant. She is clever, ambitious, self-preserving, dutiful, proper, proud, loving, cautious and clear minded. And Awesome. Let's not forget awesome. I've never been a fan of hers, mostly because she found herself on the wrong side of the war, but you've really brought her to light in this scene and she was a joy to read. She was able to assess the situation quickly and cleverly come up with a plan that would keep her family safe and help her son to get what he wants. I also really loved her interaction with Lucius. She never made her husband feel like he was deranged or weak, but she was able to talk to him in a kind manner and still help Draco at the same time. I LOVE the plan that they came up with - it is perfect. However, I feel like you aren't exactly going to let us see that one through, are you Dan?
And - of course you dropped a bomb on us at the end. How is Draco going to get out of this mess now? Ugh! I think it is safe to say to expect some more reviews fairly quickly - I don't know if I'll be able to wait to read the last few chapters!
~Beth
Look at this! I found another review to transfer over! :D
Hi Dan!
Wow. There was a lot to this one. I think it may take me while to get through it all and do it justice.
Before I continue - I must say "bravo." I mean, really, really excellent writing. This was fantastic with the way you capture both Draco and Astoria's current states. For the past several chapters, you've been building to this - and it paid off in spades. They both have been falling for each other throughout the entire story, but they haven't been on the same page. Draco saw Astoria almost as an unreachable ideal. She was perfection and everything that he could never have. He dared to dream that she could possibly be attainable and he might just be happy again if he has her.
On the flip side, Astoria views Draco as her "way out" of being under the rule of her parents. She doesn't want the same life her parents were destined for - or her sister for that matter. As a side note, I actually feel sorry for Daphne. Although she is a bridezilla and completely inconsiderate of others, I don't know if her transgressions are severe enough to warrant a lifetime of Jeremy Gamp. (You know I haven't read "Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood" yet, so I don't know if she actually ends up with Gamp as a life-partner, OR if she becomes a character worthy of that sentence.)
Both of them need a bit of adjustment to their current view of each other - and their relationship. I really like how you've portrayed Astoria as a typical teenager in the past few chapters. She is threatened by Pansy - someone who is insignificant in Draco's eyes, but you've beautifully captured the true angst of a teenage girl. It is much more realistic and it brings another layer to the story.
I have to comment on the last scene. She was still playing the petulant child - angry with her parents for not breaking down the door to comfort her during her sister's wedding - of all things. But in the end, Astoria finally decided to grow up a little bit. Realizing that incinerating all of Draco's letters would mean that she was giving up on the one thing that she truly holds dear is a big step for her.
"Slothenly." I love it. That is a great word!
I cannot go any further without expressing the heebie jeebies that I felt during the entire scene with Astoria and Draco/Emery. I know that she was able to overcome the fact that he didn't look like her true love, but I couldn't. I don't know if that was your intent, but... Ewww.
Again, this was a wonderfully crafted, fantastic chapter. You left the reader in suspense and I even teared up a few times along the way.
I'm sorry this sounds so formal, but I wanted to get everything down and I didn't want it to be a rambling review. I hope you realize how much I really liked this!
~Beth
Another review moved over to our new place. And I re-read the beginning of this and chuckled just as much as I did the first time. Haha!
Hello again!
Ah, the trials of a teenager in love. You've done a fabulous job describing all of Astoria's insecurities. They are very realistic and gut-wrenching. Compounded by the fact that their romance is forbidden, now she has to figure out what he wants! It seems that Isadore doesn't quite have as much experience as she purports.
Poor Astoria, she is so confused, she is even worrying about Pansy now! It is so clear to everyone else that Draco absolutely worships Astoria. Why is it that she can't see it?
All in all, I'm actually enjoying seeing Astoria act like a regular teenager. Up to this point, she and Draco have had an atypical adolescent relationship. They've been attacked by dark wizards, waylaid by prejudiced parents and sidetracked by Draco trying to put his life in order. This chapter is a nice break from all of that.
I'm actually surprised that Draco didn't realize the plant was part of the test. He has spent so much time in the presence of wizards where everyone had an ulterior motive and every small maneuver had other implications.
I love the descriptions of Draco brewing the potion. I felt like I was really there with him! He is a very talented potioneer. I like that Madam Blishwick can get the best of Draco. He doesn't know what to make of her.
I also really like that Draco's work will eventually be helping those who were affected by dark curses. It almost brings him around full circle. He can help people that were once on the Death Eater's torture list. However, her reason for choosing him is very awkward for him, indeed. Part of his job will be to recall the absolute worst moments of his life.
Okay, so I just had a thought. Let's say that a certain Mr. (more evil than anyone alive) Gamp finds out that Draco has "limited authorization to use Unforgivable Curses..." He may have much darker intentions for Draco's role in their plot.
Uh-oh. This just went from silly teenager to way, way darker. As always, you've taken the reader on a crazy ride.
Thanks again!
~Beth
So this review was from mid 2014. It boggles my mind that we’ve been doing this for so long. I can’t believe it!
To start off, we have studious and reflective Draco. This is a whole new side to him. I think he may be finally growing up a bit. He always knew that he liked Astoria and took actions to protect her and write to her, but now he is finally acknowledging to himself that she is the main reason for this turnaround. It's about time, Draco! The rest of us saw this in Chapter 1! He not only reflects on the events that led him to this place, but he also is thinking about the future and building up the Malfoy name. I don't think he will go so far as to acknowledge that McGonagall gave him the opportunity as well, but we can't hope for everything now, can we? He still has a bit of stubbornness when it comes to Muggle Studies, eh?
I really like the way you've characterized Lucius here. Even though he has been a fairly minor character, who is suffering from some sort of mental illness, he plays out really well. Lucius was almost the top dawg during Voldemort's reign. He has fallen far and the only place he can hold on to any sort of power is within his own family. He will hold on to that with a vice grip.
I really like the exchange with McGonagall and Draco. They are both so perfectly characterized. She is actually enjoying watching his reaction to her and he is just along for the ride - although he likes to think that he has the upper hand.
This job sounds very promising. I'm excited for Draco!
On to the good stuff! Wow! I am impressed. What I really, really liked is the way that you led up to the meeting by setting the scene with Astoria. She is nervous, anxious and really, really excited.
I love the scene in the Room of Requirement. Although I am surprised that Draco would want to return there after his friend had been killed in that room about a year before. You paced the scene very nicely. They are a couple getting to know each other better. I can feel that they relish the time they can spend together because they know it is precious. At the end of it, they are a pair of teenagers with hormones and that comes out a bit as well. Draco is chivalrous. You are actually making me feel some respect for him. How could you do this to me, Dan??
Woah. Then Astoria takes it deep and heavy with the talk of the war. However, I think it was important for them to understand each other on a deeper level. Astoria isn't prying - she wants to know everything about him and understand him better.
And just when it is starting to get good... we have to deal with Isadore. She seems suspiciously more accepting of Draco. I remember her repugnance of him in earlier chapters. What is a best friend for, if not really bad advice.
Oh. My. Merlin. "Little Wizard." I laughed out loud. Poor Astoria is so desperate to do the right thing for Draco that she is even willing to listen to Isadore's advice!
Oh, dear. Her parents really are pushing this marriage thing, aren't they? Maybe it's me, but it seems like they are pushing a little too hard. Why are they so hard-set on their sixteen (almost seventeen) year old daughter to find a match? Do they know that she has been seeing Draco? Or is it something more?
Much to consider. Thanks for the great chapter!
Hi Dan! I'm back on the transferring reviews wagon. I hope this brightens your day.
As usual, the small details that you choose to add to a scene help to define what the character is feeling. Starting this chapter off with Draco's internal diatribe about the firewhiskey sets the tone for how unhappy he is to actually be in this situation. And it obviously lets us know that he is drinking - again. Although, it would seem that he is exhibiting some control.
The hints about the "new partner" being Lucius are pretty clear - I am wondering if it is too obviously Lucius and is, in fact, someone far worse. Hmmm. You're keeping me guessing on this one.
I am also curious about the "man who is carrying messages" between Gamp and the new partner. I don't know why that stuck out at me in the story, but it did.
Draco's anger resurfaces here, but he seems to regain control rather quickly - far better than he did in Hogsmeade. I think you've done a fabulous job with slowly changing Draco's anger. He still maintains his same basic personality traits, but he is growing and wants to become a better person. Astoria has a lot to do with that. I also felt a little bit like Draco was trying to convince himself that he had to be a part of this group, for Zambini's sake if nothing else.
Admittedly, I haven't yet read "Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood," but I wanted to finish Detox first. I haven't felt that I have missed anything regarding any of the characters, but you hinted that Gamp might be a tad more threatening than he appears in this story. Just a drop. However, I was already freaked out by the crazy laughing and the way he seems just a bit off. People, even the sons of death eaters, don't know how to react to straight up crazy. Perhaps Draco feels a bit like he needs to there to protect his friends from Gamp.
Yet again, you've successfully accomplished a dichotomy between the two scenes with opposing sentiments. The image of Astoria getting sick in the Gringotts cart is comical (I giggled - although I'm sure it wasn't funny to her). And this entire scene had a much lighter, slightly humorous feel to it. Of course, I loved it.
So... a little heart-to-heart with the future mother-in-law, eh? It was really great to see these two women interact. I think it was really important, as well. Astoria, while willing to go against her own family, might be a little intimidated to pursue Draco if his mother also didn't want the match, being that they are so close. As for Narcissa, she probably views Astoria as the woman that brought Draco back to the land of the living. Before he met her, he was drunk, wallowing in self-pity, and on a track of imminent destruction.
I also liked the little parts where you let us know that Astoria's feelings for Draco go beyond the emotional attachment. Since they can't actually be together physically, these moments are important.
Until next time!
Beth
The Crumple-Horned Snorkack, mythical creature, does exist, but only when no one is looking. And so I have crept from my elusive hideout to review this story.
Poor Draco. That sounds like the worst day ever - what a dreadful situation he's in. I know it's only three months after the war and all these terrible things happening, but I felt badly for him being kicked out and having glass thrown at him. If it would help, I would recommend all my favourite kinds of mythical trees to eat in order to make him feel better, or my best suggestion: go into hiding in a thick forest. That's what I do.
The exchange with the money makes me wonder if Astoria is kind of poor but good at hiding it. I also liked the line when Draco asks about his change but it's more out of habit than anything, it's something Lucius does that Draco doesn't particularly like. That alone says a lot about him. Habits are hard to break. I know this because it's a habit of mine to let the Lovegoods glimpse me when they go searching for Snorkacks, but then I never stick around for them to be able to prove it.
The last section of this was just wonderful, how Draco really wants to change, not just because he met a girl but because he wants to be a better person whom people can respect. I love that he goes to Narcissa for help. (And I was a little amused that he wrote it out in a letter, but it did seem in character for him. Only Malfoy...)
This was truly a wonderful start to your story and I love it. And now I must return to my hidden habitat of mysticism, for I am late for tea with Bigfoot.
Hello!
I’m really enjoying reading our exchanges. It’s a nice walk down memory lane. Also a nice reminder for me of how great a writer you are!
Back to the chapter at hand: props to you for an accurate depiction of an over-indulged bride and a disgruntled bridal party. My favorite line: Astoria was certain that she looked like a hippogriff wrapped in a peach chiffon tent.
I've been there and I can feel her pain. Ugh, peach chiffon. Nice touch with the absolute worst color and worst fabric choices.
The internal tug-of-war playing inside of Astoria weaves through the entire chapter. She is falling in love with Draco and yet, still feels an obligation to her family. She can't fathom the idea of an arranged marriage, but sees how it worked for her parents, whom she still respects.
Astoria is constantly keeping her seventeenth birthday in the forefront of her thoughts. It seems so close, but I have this eerie feeling that much will happen before she reaches it. You seem determined to put this couple through the wringer, and I just know it won't be so easy to bide their time.
Then we have a typical mother daughter interaction. Do I sense that there is something else bothering Mrs. Greengrass? She seems very determined to get Astoria married off fairly quickly.
The scene wraps up with Astoria acting the typical sixteen year old girl. A small temper tantrum and a bit of self-pity at the unfairness of the world thrust upon her. This little bit splashes a dose of reality to the story because, underneath the dramatic love story, they are two teenagers who just want to spend time together.
The chapter changes to a much darker tone when Draco is with Blaise. Inside I am screaming! No Draco, don't have a drink, you've worked so hard to get where you are! I must admit I am a bit worried that he is making excuses to have a few.
The change in Draco is evident here. He feels empowered since he stood up to Lucius. Perhaps this was needed in his journey. He must detox from his poisonous family.
Ooo. He must walk a dangerous line on this one. In order to save Astoria from Mr. Smelly Troll, he must pay a very high price - a trade that could end up costing him everything. If Astoria (or her family) catch wind of his new associations, it could mean the end of them. Love the drama and intrigue!
I can't leave without mentioning this wonderful, romantic quality that has grown steadily for the last few chapters. This story could have taken place a few hundred years earlier. Forbidden love. "Two households, both alike in dignity..." This air of their ever increasing affections for each other and love from afar is pulling me further into their story. They are risking everything they have been taught, and their family and friends - and they haven't even had a proper kiss yet!
This entire chapter carried the essence of a romantic novel from the 1800s. From the first scene with the baroque style bridesmaids dress to the letter written in secret and ending with the men plotting to take over the world, without getting their hands dirty, of course.
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to read on!
~Beth
Hi Dan,
Moving along with the reviews, here. I just noticed the date on this original review and realized it was from two and a half years ago. I’m totally blown away that it has really been that long since we started this whole thing. Wow. Anyway, onto the review!!
Well, this was a gut-wrencher - right up to the very end. I suspected from the title of the chapter that Draco would, at some point, succumb to the pressures and take a drink, but I actually thought that we would make it through without that happening.
So Isadore is getting on my nerves a little bit. She doesn't hide the fact that she isn't a Draco fan, but I didn't like that she immediately assumed that Astoria was acting improper with Draco. Perhaps she feels like she is losing her best friend a little or she is still harboring ill-will toward the Malofoys because of their involvement with the war.
I loved the scene in McGonagall's office. Astoria, while managing to be truthful with her father, still acted the Slytherin and twisted the situation around to try to convince him that her actions were similar to his during the war. That was great! The voice you gave McGonagall was spot-on! I could see her standing before them with the overly tight hair bun and stern look on her face. The only part of the whole chapter that seemed a tiny bit off was Snape. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he seemed a bit too philosophical from what I remember his character to be. Telling Astoria that other people's opinions don't matter if she believes Draco isn't evil seemed a little bit off from his character. But, maybe he doesn't have too much else to worry about now that he is dead...
Draco's emotions were so real and permeating in this chapter. They flowed through every paragraph. You could feel the hope within him as he cherishes Astoria's letter and dares to make plans for their future. It is short lived by the news his father gives him and Draco's mood turns to self-loathing and hopelessness consumes him.
I also really liked how Draco is angry at his father for being weak and ill. This is a common emotion, but it is often skirted or poorly constructed in fictional stories and I think you did a great job by describing Draco's reactions. When we first realize that our parents are indeed mortal, it is a tough pill to swallow. Even parents like Lucius, who was never a positive role model for Draco. Lucius, at minimum always acted confident, and the obvious physical degradation, combined with his mental demise is just too much for Draco. Instead of dealing with the issue, he chooses to be angry at Lucius.
I'm going to make a guess that Lucius is mad - like legitimately insane. The weight loss, the rhythmic movements and the delusions of meetings with people who aren't around point to a man on the brink. This makes him doubly dangerous.
So, Dan. Now that you've got me invested in this story, I'm a little upset at this chapter. Draco needs Astoria. They must find a way to see each other. She was right about one thing. If no one believes in him, then he most certainly will fail.
Thanks for making this story so much fun to read and review!
~Beth
Dan,
Working my way through getting all these reviews posted here!
Yay! We finally get a first date! Not exactly the way either of them would have planned it, but it was sweet nonetheless. I actually enjoyed this version much better. Because they weren't in Hogsmeade with other students and potential Malfoy-haters around, they had the time and space to be themselves and learn a little about each other.
I think the best part of this chapter is how you managed to sneak in little moments of Astoria and Draco learning how to navigate each other. This seems to be really difficult for most authors. The tendency is to either be blatant about the awkwardness of the first few meetings or to ignore it all together. You've managed to find the balance and it adds a realistic touch to the story. Great job!
Astoria's Slytherin qualities come shining through in this chapter more than they had in any of the previous ones. She is cunning and always aware of how her actions will be perceived by others.
Draco, on the other hand, seems to be acting the opposite of a Slytherin. He bares his soul to Astoria and reveals some of his darkest moments. The retelling of that horrible night even squeezed my heart. And I thought Draco's description of the meaning of his dark mark was exactly the way I always imagined he felt about it. To him, it was a duty he had to perform to keep his family safe.
Hermione's actions didn't surprise me in the least. She is more about being accurate and right in all situations. While she is loyal to Ron, she is not jaded and I think she may be the one person from the other side that sees the complications of the war and how it is not just black and white.
Through the entire chapter, there is this underlying connection between Draco and Astoria. It isn't out in the open, but they both seem to be willing to put themselves in harm’s way for each other. It is not openly mentioned, but they both act selflessly to protect the other. I love it! This is such a great story and I can't wait to read more!
Thanks so much. I was dying to review this chapter and so excited that no one else had jumped in before me.
~Beth
Hi Dan!
Here’s another transfer from HPFF.
Ok, so you win the gold star for the most exciting visit to Hogsmeade. Ever. You kept me on the edge of my seat for the whole chapter. I was completely expecting a nice little day where they had a butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks and then walked by the Shrieking Shack and nervously held hands, unsure of exactly what to say to each other but learning a little about how much they really had in common, blah, blah, blah. You totally turned it around on me and blew me away (literally blew away Draco a few times and I think Astoria once at the end too - haha). So kudos on the story development - the plot thickens. Who are these strange wizards and witch? I thought they might be the Carrows and another bloke, but I am not quite sure if they are canon. Either way, this JUST GOT INTERESTING!
So, a bit more is revealed about Astoria's character in the first part of this chapter. I really like how you have portrayed her as a young woman who has grown up in a house of purebloods. There were expectations for behavior and preserving the family honor is a high priority. I like this depictions because I feel like most authors tend to depict purebloods as evil, when it really is much more complicated than that.
And I have to say a great big AWW at the cute little Harry and Ginny scene. I know it was done to reveal a little about Astoria, but I loved that little moment.
Now on to Draco's anger. This was also nicely done. He has a temper and, although he is trying to work on it - he was definitely pushed to his breaking point. I even was feeling the tension. I just knew that he wouldn't take well to being "rescued" by Hermione - no matter the circumstances. A little more of his bravery was showing through as well, in his protection of Astoria.
I am going to make a guess that Draco apparated the two of them somewhere else, to avoid getting killed. (I hope you don't mind guesses.)
As far as their choices go, I think Astoria might feel like she is a bit in over her head here. She was a little unsure of Draco from the get-go and now his associations have put her in mortal peril. She might feel the need to back off for a bit.
Thanks again for this great chapter - nice writing!
Beth
Hi Dan,
You've been (re)leaving me such wonderful reviews, I thought it was high time I left one for you!
First off, I have to discuss your descriptions. They are absolutely beautiful and amazing. I especially love they way you described Hogwarts with the parts that have been rebuilt and the parts that were still being worked on. I felt like I was there, seeing it right in front of me. You do a fantastic job of *showing* the story instead of simply telling it.
You mentioned that it was a slow chapter, but I don't exactly agree. Quite a lot happened. First off, we have Draco's return to Hogwarts. I particularly liked the part where he collapses in the snow. Perhaps, I'm over thinking it, but I felt like this was another step in his "Detox" process. Almost like he needs to have these breakdowns along the way to his recovery - be it from the physical addiction of the alcohol or, in this case, "detoxing" himself from his dirty past.
Also, we meet Isodore (love the name!) and can see that her friendship with Astoria is so important to both girls, but they are also both dealing with the fallout from the war. That is a lovely touch, how you manage to portray that there were truly victims from both sides and that war is never a simple as good versus bad.
Also in this chapter, we see that reality smacks Draco hard in the face. McGonagall's reaction was harsh - it even caught me by surprise. I think Dumbledore would have been a bit more forgiving, but he was the true, kind educator to the very end, wasn't he?
I really enjoyed the appearance of Ginny, Hermione and Luna. You stayed true to each of their characters. It is so like Luna to consider unwanted beef stew as a gift and a favor that needed to be returned! Oh, and we get to learn a little about Narcissa - I gasped at the realization that she was sending food to the prisoners. I had pictured her as a person who focused solely on her son and husband, to the exclusion of all else. I am intrigued (almost as much as Draco was) to learn more about her.
Through the entire chapter, you have also been true to Draco's character. Through all the humiliation and discomfort, he still remains arrogant and a little hot-tempered. Although, I do see a bit of courage poking through every now and again. I suppose he will need some of that in the future.
Of course, I couldn't help but let out a little squee when I saw that you left us with a tiny bit of hope. I can't wait for the Hogsmeade trip!
Thanks for the great read!
Beth
Hiya Dan!
I'm also trying to port over my reviews - this story is first and it brings back such memories of our exchanges. <3
Another excellent chapter! We get to see a little bit of where both Draco and Astoria are coming from, and that sets the story up nicely for a rocky road ahead. Astoria seems she will be conflicted between loyalty to her family (her father, specifically) and wanting to be her own person. She is growing up and seems to feel the conflict between fulfilling her family's expectations and making her own way in the world.
Draco, on the other hand, just wants to break free. Free from his past, free from his associations and free from his family's reputation (his father at least). It is a little unsure where Lucius will stand in this whole situation, as he hasn't made an appearance yet. Will he view Draco's new path in life as a slight to their family or a reinvention.
I liked that Draco is making a true effort to control his anger and actions. It shows that he has real intentions to proceed with his plan - despite the conversation with his mother at the beginning of the chapter.
Your description is so effortless, it makes the story easy to read and isn't overdone, yet enhances the reader's experience. Thanks for writing this fabulous story!
Beth
This was absolutely fantastic. Writing the dark characters is usually done in two versions - completely going against their canon qualities or amplifying them to the extreme. You've created a superb balance of making Draco both believable and sympathetic. At the same time, you've weaved elements of a possible love interest. I've always wanted to know how Draco and Astoria got together!
As far as Astoria goes, we don't know much about her personality from the books, but I love that you've made her down to earth and unflappable. (Possibly just what Draco needs right now?) I also love the little touches - like where it seemed she was reading his mind about the three D's of apparation and added the fourth D.
I noticed that you took my advice for the following line:
"For reasons that Draco couldn't begin to comprehend, he needed her to understand. Because maybe if she can understand then so can I."
And changed the last sentence to italics. It looks great!
Thanks for sharing your gift with the rest of the world. You really have a great talent!
Beth
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