Reviews For When I was Young


Name: Ameripuff (Signed) · Date: 28 Feb 2021 09:02 PM · For: When I was Young

Chelts, 

 

I've never heard of a contrapuntal poem before, but this structure is brilliant for your purposes, and you've really done an amazing job with executing it.  The way in which you explore the bi perspective here is so powerful.  When each 'side' is read I perceived two completely different perspectives (one attracted to men and the other women) like they were two people.  It took me a bit to figure out how to read it completely - but once I got there, I found it fascinating to put this puzzle together.  You must have spent a great deal of time building it - but from my point of view, the payoff is huge.  

 

The use of this structure is so much more effective to convey the combination of thoughts than a conventional line-by-line approach to the topic.  The idea that attraction for both sexes lies solidly in the same structure is conveyed through the 'left side' / 'right side' lines, and yet both are part of a single structure - a single poem - a single person.  If good poetry evokes emotion and enlightenment, then this is exceptionally good poetry.  Bravo.

 

-Drew

 

 



Name: magemadi (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2021 04:50 AM · For: When I was Young

Hi Chelts!

I have to admit, I appreciate your explanation of how to read a contrapuntal poem in your story description, because otherwise I definitely would have had to google it -- shows my knowledge of poetry :sweat_smile: This is a really beautiful piece, and you clearly know your way around a contrapuntal poem because this reads so well in those different steps and you definitely get something different out of each “version” of reading it. It speaks to young love and how, when we’re younger, we fall in love so easily and so readily by something (or someone) beautiful, and are so awed by them. A lovely little poem, Chelts, and congrats on being an Inkys finalist! <3

~Madi
Fairy foxy review event



Name: Renacera (Signed) · Date: 31 Jan 2021 09:00 PM · For: When I was Young

Whoa.

Chelts, this is awesome. I can't believe I've only just read this.

I took a poetry class as part of my creative writing major in college, but I was never any good at it. Which makes me all the more impressed by people who can write the type of poetry that gives me that oh moment. And this is one of those poems.

It took me a bit to figure out the sequence of the lines on the third read (I had to highlight to see which went first because my vision is terrible), but when I did get it...oof. That was definitely the oh moment. I love what you were able to achieve in the form of this poem. The multiple readings and the different interpretations from each of them were so awesome. I definitely got more from each read than the last.

Really fantastic job. And my bisexual heart is thrilled to have this poem to look back on. Thank you, m'dear. <3

xoxo,
Emily


*for the Fairyland review event*



Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 13 Mar 2020 07:20 PM · For: When I was Young
Oh, wow. This was so soft and musical, and it tugged at my heartstrings. I can’t explain why, but this poem made me wish for unspecified things -- it hit me really deeply, and felt so incredibly personal. It resonated with me a great deal, and I’m really, really glad that you wrote such a lovely piece!

The way you wove the lines together at the end was so amazing and beautiful, and I wanted to weep. I particularly treasure how partway through the poem, it switches from beginning on the left side to the right side, and how that affects the overall feeling of the poem. It almost feels balanced, like the two loves are equal. Love love love!

Congratulations on your nomination!

Love,
Eva


Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 02 Mar 2020 06:15 AM · For: When I was Young

CMDC round 3

Hi! I was very amazed by this poem. I haven't noticed the poem was about transgender until I checked the summary. I missed the explanation how to read this poem in order, either. First, I completely thought, the left lines were written from a man's perspective, the right ones were written from a woman's perspective. I failed in finding the centre of this poem, the author's intention from the start.

Then I read the poem again after knowing your intention. I felt it was like a song by him and by her in return. So beautiful and so imaginative. I just remember the song lyric while reading this, 'You are music I a dancer, you are the night, I am the day'.  The contrast how they feel for each other is artistic and the readers can feel even how the wind shakes the curl of her hair, how the sun made his skin tanned. The lines merge in the latter of the poem,  I was even thrilled at the splendid tactic you created. 

 

K



Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 02 Mar 2020 01:13 AM · For: When I was Young

Hey Chelts!


First thank you for introducing me to this format of poetry (and explaining it.) The construction is fascinating in how to read it, which makes it even more impressive in the writing of it. I’m just amazed by how each side stands independently. I could see the author’s attraction for both sides. For the boy, I love how you mixed strength with gentility, two concepts that may sometimes seemed a bit opposite but if you are in possession of the former, must strive for the latter or face possible consequences  


For the girl, the author still, obviously, appreciates the beauty but also the fire within the girl. I can practically see this girl glowing not just with the sunlight on her curly hair but also with her magnetism toward the author.


What is most inspiring of this poem is how you managed to  put it together and it still flows and is even more powerful, bringing it to the next level of depth. Thank you for taking the chance and posting it for us to read.


 


Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 01 Mar 2020 10:23 AM · For: When I was Young

Hi Chelts!

 

I've actually never heard of contrapuntal poems before so I'm really glad that you included how to read them in your author's note.  This was so interesting and clever!  I'm really amazed by the fact that you've essentially managed to write three poems in one here and each of them was beautiful and intelligent and lovely.  

 

What an original and creative way to explore someone who's questioning their identity, too!  I loved the way that reading the left hand side first introduces us to one side of the narrator's identity, while the right hand side offers another, and then finally joining them together in the third reading of the poem brings both aspects into the narrator's character.  It was such a creative way to show the ways that someone might feel when questioning, almost torn at first between two different sides of themselves, and then the final reading bringing everything together represented a reconciliation of those sides, and an acceptance of themselves.  

 

The language that you used in this was beautiful as well.  There are really so few words in this poem, but with your word choice and the style that you've chosen, they each have multiple layers of meaning.  I think my favourite aspect was the way that the reasons that the narrator was attracted to the boy and the girl seemed to contrast each other at first - the strength and calmness versus the fire and fragility - but that when the poem is read altogether, those qualities actually complement each other rather than contradicting.  It was a really clever way to bring both sides of the poem together and says a lot about how thoughtfully you've written this!

 

Sian :)



Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 29 Feb 2020 04:59 AM · For: When I was Young

Hi Chelts! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D

 

First of all I want to thank you for introducing me to a new form of poetry that I wasn’t aware of. I appreciated the story note that explained how to read it. 

 

I loved the layout on the page and how you could put together three poems out of this one, depending on how you read it. And since the theme of the poem is Questioning Identity, it was a neat way to approach the topic—that the whole way you want to read the poem could be a question.

 

I’m impressed by how well you constructed this poem. All poetry is about choosing the perfect words to have the most impact—but in this style of poem you have to be even more careful, because every word has to make sense read three different was. It’s complicated—but then so are people. I actually think its a great poetry form to use when exploring the different parts of a person.

 

I really liked how, when reading each side of the poem, it was complete—but also it felt like there could be something more. Not like anything was missing from either part—but that they wanted to be united. And then when they all came together to make the whole picture—it was like each side had been waiting for that moment.

 

Nice work!

 

Yours,

Noelle



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 28 Feb 2020 08:57 PM · For: When I was Young

Hi Chelts! Here for CMDC Round 3!


I am frankly blown away by contrapuntal poetry. It demonstrates great creativity and planning and focus. You’ve done such a great job.


I like how, when first reading the left side and then the right, independently of one another, in so few words we get these excellent images of the boy and the girl, and while we don’t know much about them at all, it seems they are each a study in contradictions and those contradictions are part of what draws the narrator to them. The boy is strong and masculine, but calm and gentle. The girl is fiery and fragile. And then when the whole poem is read as one, they complement each other: he strong where she is fragile, but she fiery where he is calm. And he with angles where she has curves. It’s just such lovely symmetry, and a wonderful way of expressing this feeling of attraction to two completely different people, finding the beauty regardless of gender. They are different, but the feeling is the same.


It’s a really delicately written poem and I’ve really enjoyed reading it!

 

Melanie



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 27 Feb 2020 11:22 PM · For: When I was Young

Heya Chelts! I'm here for the CMDC Event (Round Three) -- but I needed to stop by and leave some love on this anyway sooooo...

 

Left-Read Poem: The narrator's appreciation for the boy's beauty is clear, but what I adore the most are the reasons why the narrator sees beauty in the him. The concept of having very apparent strength and have such a tranquility is something very appealing to me -- like, it feels as though it should be impossible to do something so serene as plucking a flower when the "plucker" seems as though they would easily obliterate it if they tried. And the word choice you used, especially speaking of the narrator's intoxication just from being in the prescence of the boy and how it compeltely RUINS them -- helpless to the seeming perfection of this person (or, at least, how he seems perfect to the narrator). It's all just perfect. 

 

Right-Read Poem: Now there are a LOT of the same elements in this part of the poem to compliment the first part. The narrator is obsessed by this girl, whose beauty is drawn from her strength and her delicacy in the narrator's eyes. And the narrator is again completely consumed by this person -- helplessly enamored. It follows the Left-Read Poem SO fluidly -- it was a really great choice. And, once again, the word choice, especially being lost in the beauty and overwhelming the senses -- creates really powerful imagery. You simply handled these SO well. 

 

The Whole Kit-and-Caboodle: Now THIS is where the the genius of the contrapuntal poem absolutely shines (which is where it should shine). The ability to make these two wonderful poems combine in such a way is amazing, in my opinion, and you absolutely NAILED it. Just the way that the lines changed meaning slightly (and let's be honest, I was floored at the creation of the line ...could so gently pull laughter from within like a flower from the earth -- just absolutely stunning), As the reader I'm just completely overwhelmed along with the narrator, my heart aching because I know both the boy and the girl have completely and utterly DESTROYED the narrator without meaning to. It moved my soul a little. 

 

You kicked this poem's butt. It's one of my faves.

 

-Rumpels



Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 27 Feb 2020 07:54 PM · For: When I was Young

Hey there! :) So glad to get a chance to stop by to read this, especially since I don't think I've ever read a poem by you before - and it's been a long time since I read anything of yours, actually :/ so. here I am! 

 

This is such a clever, clever poem. Contrapuntal poems are so, so hard to do because you have to essentially write three poems in one and it all has to work - but there have to be kinda three different senses and three different stories all tied up into the one thing - and oh my god but this works perfectly? Like, this is just exactly what a contrapuntal poem should be and how it should work and it's so so good - and even more impressive because it's so hard to do, yk? 

 

I love it as well. The subject matter - being attracted to two genders - is so emotional and so personal, especially for a lot of people on this site, and I love that you chose to write about it, especially with kinda contrasting them together separately - how the narrator feels about the boy and then the girl -and then them both together as either a triad or simply two people the narrators fancies, and it's the same attraction just for two different people, in different ways - but still, ultimately, the same thing. And it works so well and it's so sweet and I love the descriptions of both characters in this: how you highlight the way the boy's strength can be gentle even as he does something as kinda destructively cute like pulling a flower out of the ground; how the girl's hair shines and gleams and how her waist is curved and that's distracting - and boy do I feel all of that haha :P 

 

I really loved the imagery in this as well - how it wasn't too much, just a handful of images for each side of the poem, which all pull together to form a third set of images together. It's so good and so clever, and so beautiful: the way the images are so delicate and sort of fleeting, but enough to give the reader the glimpses of muscles and hair that the narrator sees and feels. And it gives the whole thing a kind of emotional undertone which I love to it - the sense of longing is so clear throughout it, which is so good and so sweet and it's a subtle thing, but it works so well. 

 

This is a really, really lovely poem! :) 

 

Laura xx



You must login (register) to review.