Reviews For Ripening Truths


Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 02 Nov 2021 09:08 PM · For: 10. If We Don't

I think the call-and-answer format of this poem really works with your message, like a reinforcement. On its face the poem seems simple, but it takes a lot of creativity and skill to be able to pull off the technical requirements for this poem (and all of the other poems in this collection, by the way -- it's so impressive!) It's beautiful how lines 2, 4, and 6 come together in the last line to fully reinforce the message -- it feels like it's saying, stick to it, no matter what!

 

<3 Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 02 Nov 2021 09:04 PM · For: 7. Year Six

Abby this is SO beautiful and just full of emotion. The way you've indented the lines in certain ways gives it a sort of meandering feel while still retaining a certain structure -- it's like thoughts, flowing here and there. And it looks kind of like a heartbeat? Thank you for sharing this. <3

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 28 Mar 2021 09:45 PM · For: 5. When it's our turn

Oof, what a harrowing subject, and even without a lengthy poem or a lot of description the panic of the scenario described in the last verse is evident by the girl falling and getting trampled in the panic. :(

 

I love the line "to live is really waiting to die" -- like, from a certain perspective, yeah, that's the human condition even aside from gun violence, we all have an expiration date -- but what that line here really makes you think about is that the prospect of death shouldn't be SO constantly imminent and salient, and it definitely shouldn't be from things that are completely preventable (I mean, could be gun violence or any other number of things in our society). So combining that line with what the rest of the poem describes, and the repetition of children having to choose to live and try to live, gives it this really haunting dystopian feel (and I mean, it is, it is dystopian, what we're dealing with, it's surreal).

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 21 Mar 2021 09:29 PM · For: 3. American Health

Wow, I think you just make stunning, effective use of the haiku form -- it's a wonderful challenge and opportunity, to convey something impactful, to create a vivid image, in such few lines and words. And usually like, haiku has strong ties to nature and spirituality and has this very ethereal, freeing vibe to it, that using it to portray these awful notions of inhumanity is ironic and jarring in a very good way. Each poem told a complete story in like... basically 10-12 words. And they were heavy and haunting and full of conviction. Like even... the afterbirth one had a cheeky, heavily ironic feel to it but it was still dark and sad. Also the way you titled each of them was very powerful! Some very ironic, like "mundane sinus infection" or "insulin's patent was sold for one dollar" (which is like... an amazing title for that poem consider what it's about). Or like the double meaning of "vampires" in number IV.

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 21 Mar 2021 09:18 PM · For: 2. Going Green

Omg omg, see this is what I mean about these challenging poetry forms. Like this very specific style here with a certain number of syllables and an internal rhyme scheme, I just love how you pulled it off, and I'm so impressed! Like... how??

 

And I enjoyed the tone you struck here -- an invigorating, triumphant tone, even while the clock ticks away and there's so much at stake, it's like a rallying cry!

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 21 Mar 2021 09:13 PM · For: 1. Sonnet IV

Hi Abby!!

 

I love reading poetry and sometimes I like writing it and sometimes I don't, and I'm honestly so in awe of anyone who entered Kaitlin's challenge because I mean... all these different poetry forms, and some of them seem quite challenging!

 

This one was so beautiful and certainly had that... sonnet-y... feeling? I particularly loved the way you used a physical journey/adventure, as if through a forest, as a metaphor for the intellectual journey, the truth-seeking, etc. It allowed you to still retain a lot of this vivid imagery while writing about a concept that would otherwise be much more abstract. And it gave the poem like, this daring, hopeful vibe. Like the elders want the narrators pursuits quashed, but it's not a melancholy poem -- the narrator just feel bold and vibrant and like any other adventurer in an epic tale -- only it's an adventure of the mind and not the physical world.

 

<3 Melanie



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2021 05:02 PM · For: 5. When it's our turn

Again, this concept baffles me more than a little.  A few years ago, I learnt (from some FFTers, actually) that in the US there are drills to practise what to do in the event of a school shooting, and it shook me to the core.  I can only imagine the fear that each of those drills engenders, and the fact that this is based on an autobiographical incident (thank goodness it was a false alarm) makes me want to send you lots of hugs.

 

I think what really struck me most about this poem is the detached tone throughout.  You still manage to capture the fear that the event brings, especially at the end, when the girl falls and is being trampled on as people rush to find safety, but throughout this there's a matter-of-fact tone that really emphasises the stark reality of these incidents.  It feels like they've become an accepted, maybe even expected, aspect of life for children in schools, while the people who have the power to make a difference to that just ignore the issue.  While it's not the sort of emotion I'd usually associate with these events, it worked really well to highlight the horror of how calmly someone can react to or talk about this sort of thing, because it isn't unheard of.

 

The idea of children trying to live is just horrrible.  Obviously there are rare, tragic occasions where illness affects the young, but survival isn't something any child should have to worry about.  I think that refrain really illustrated the way that school shootings and learning to deal with them as children shifts people's perspectives in a way that should never have to happen.

 

This was fascinating.  I'm loving this collection — your passion for making things better has come through brilliantly in each poem.

 

Siân :)



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2021 04:53 PM · For: 4. Essential Workers

Hello!  Again, I'm probably going to miss the nuances of some of this poem (and others in the collection) not coming at this from an American perspective, but while I don't know what the actual comment was I can imagine fairly easily and I think this poem is a great response to it.

 

I'm not sure that I'd be able to write a villanelle, especially with the potentially restrictive nature of the repeating lines, but I think you did a great job with this.  In fact, the form actually lent a lot of power and emphasis to the poem's message, which was really interesting.  The repeating lines worked well enough in the different stanzas that they didn't feel forced, and the repetition created this real sense of anger and frustration at the situation of workers in the US.

 

The rhyme scheme in this form isn't easy either, but you used it to your advantage brilliantly — I felt like you managed to cover a lot of the issues with a capitalist system that doesn't have any social welfare benefits laid down as standard for people, regardless of whether they're in work or not.  The idea (again) that you might not be able to afford healthcare, or that there aren't proper ways to protest unfair working practices without losing wages... the sense of anger here feels very justified to me.  I also loved the power and force of the message, with this sense of defiance, taking how workers are seen and treated and owning it in a way, not letting people get away with it.

 

Siân :)



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2021 04:32 PM · For: 3. American Health

Whew, this was powerful.

 

I don't feel particularly well-placed to write about the US healthcare system, and I think some of the nuances in this probably passed me by because I don't have a thorough understanding of how your insurance works, but I certainly know enough to appreciate the power these poems had in highlighting the tragedies that the system has caused.

 

It was so interesting to see each of these events depicted in haikus, when you have so few syllables to play with.  I think the shortness of each poem really highlighted the horror of each story — they felt very stark and matter-of-fact.  Almost as if they echoed the space that was probably given to these people, the care that the system afforded them.  At the same time, recording their stories in these poems gives them a far greater importance than was placed on their lives at the time they needed medical care, and I think it does a wonderful job of highlighting the injustices of the system.

 

Honestly, this system does feel very strange to me but these poems made me very glad for the NHS, as imperfect as it may be.  The idea that people might overdose because they can't afford to visit the doctor, or that a mum has to pay to hold her child, not to mention the deeply ingrained racism and misogyny illustrated elsewhere... it's horrible, but I think you managed to capture that in a sensitive way that supported your final haiku, as if the others had been evidence for the argument.  This was a really effective and evocative poem.

 

Siân :)



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2021 04:24 PM · For: 2. Going Green

Hello!

 

I've never actually heard of this form of poetry before, but you inspired me to go and research it and I really like your choice of it for this poem and subject matter.  I think the form works really well to place emphasis on the words that you really want to stand out here, but I also love the history behind the form — the way that it reminds us we have a long heritage and tradition to preserve, and we can only do that if we take care of the planet so it can continue to sustain life.

 

I was really interested with the way you managed to include statistics and figures in this poem, too — it's not the sort of thing that you'd usually find in poetry, but I think it worked really well to reinforce your message.  This poem is definitely a call-to-arms, so to speak, and I think the simpler (non-metaphorical) language is much more effective for that purpose, allowing your message to reach more people.  I loved the note of hope that this ended on too!

 

Siân :)



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2021 04:02 PM · For: 1. Sonnet IV

Hey Abby!  I'm very rusty reviewing, so sorry in advance for the rambling, but I've been reading a lot of poetry lately and I couldn't resist stopping by here when the summary caught my eye.

 

The descriptions and imagery in this poem were lovely.  I really loved the way that you used nature here — it jumped out vibrantly from the page.  It wasn't all positive, but I think the metaphor of the journey through the forest worked really well to tell the story of the speaker trying to forge their own path forward and find a way to fight for the things they believe in.  The natural imagery added to the sense of the difficulties and rewards that will come from this, and gave the poem a real sense of adventure and excitement.

 

The use of the sonnet form is so interesting, too.  Since it's usually associated with love, I really liked the way that the form impacted on the poem's message here — with the speaker's love for justice, and also a love for themselves, coming through really strongly.  I thought it was really interesting to read it from that perspective, of the speaker accepting themselves regardless of what other people think, and doing what they know is right.

 

The exclamation at the end of the sonnet felt so jubilant and defiant.  I could tell the speaker's encountered people who have tried to stop them from being themselves and standing up for what they believed in, but they've resisted that and stayed true to themselves.  It was a lovely way to round out the poem, taking the reader on a journey as the speaker finds their voice, in the same way they start by saying they're going on a journey to discover their path.

 

Siân :)



Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 21 Feb 2021 03:17 PM · For: 1. Sonnet IV

Abby your depictions of nature in this as so lush and vivid! I love how you describe the fight for justice as walking down on a winding path through a forest. Of course, I didn't interpret it this way until the end, but upon further reflection it makes sense. A forest can close in on you from all sides, and the path to equality or justice is never a straight and easy one to walk on. This idea that the speaker is "forging a trail," though by speaking out and using their voice was aptly put. And this idea of this landscape being "dreamy," and those of another generation wishing the speaker would stay in this forest, maybe on another path, stirs up a ferocity in the speaker that we feel within those last lines. 

 

This feels like a very YOU poem. I adored it. 

 

<3 Courtney 

 

*team ice otter*



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2021 02:45 AM · For: 7. Year Six

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

The title of this poem makes me think that the speaker is entering into the sixth year after the death of his/her mother., but the speaker realizes that, while life goes on, it is never going to be the same as before.  There will always be a hole in one's heart after a loved one is gone.

 

I think that this poem works better on the printed page than it would do if only spoken because the arrangement of the words on the page, the visual impact,is part of the artistry.  Lacking that, the poem would become a series of eloquent sentences, but the form would be diminished.

 

Your writing  is again admirable.  The sentences are plain, accessible, with good word choices, just the single right word instead of wordy circumlocutions.  The sentences are not repetitive.  There are several distinct thoughts in these seven stanzas, each one developed.  

 

It's not so much about grief as it is about the discovery of the nature of recovery.  Very nicely done.

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2021 02:06 AM · For: 6. Seeking Refuge

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

In your chapter notes, you mention allusion to war and extreme violence, but the mood, or maybe the language, of the poem is surprisingly calm, given the topic of each verse.  

 

You have ten minutes to collect everything, but the words 'frantic' or 'desperately grabbing' aren't there.  Maybe the mother is not frantic; she has anticipated this moment, perhaps has some necessities already selected and packed.  The getaway bag is by the door.

 

The sea stretches endlessly.  Do they fear shipwreck, or does hope drive out fear? Their refuge will be safer than the place they are leaving.

 

The asylum is stark.  The officials are business-like, unsmiling. Do they say what you want to hear?  Offer any hope?  Are you just standing there, not knowing what will happen next?

 

The verse 'Unaccompanied' is more ominous, suggesting that violent, even deadly, things can happen to unaccompanied girls.

 

And the last verse implies that even if the refugees settle in a new place (not just an endless stay in a refugee camp), there will always be a wrenching memory of the old home, the place from which they were forced to flee, the place to which they might never return.  In that situation, can the heart really ever know peace?

 

I am reminded of motion pictures in which there is a big battle scene, but the soundtrack is not the noise of the battle, it's just some slow music.  Vivid in my mind, but I can't remember what movie that was.

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes

 



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2021 01:36 AM · For: 5. When it's our turn

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

I read your poems when they were first posted, but now I am reading them again for the purpose of wriing reviews of them.

 

I am struck by your first line "To live is really waiting to die." Maybe that should be obvious to everyone.  No one expects to be immortal on this earth.  But people who don't live in a war zone (declared or undeclared) probably don't think about that fact too much, not until they start getting up there in years.

 

But today, as I read your poem again, this being the third day of the Lenten season, our thoughts are forcibly turned to the inevitability of death.  Perhaps from old age, or disease, or sliding on the ice and going over the edge of the bridge into the river, or of carbon monoxide poisoning from the propane heater you used when the power was out during the blizzard, or even homicidal violence.

 

In a well-functioning society, children don't have to think about these things.  They don't drive cars or make home heating decisions or have many heart attacks, and for them old age is infinitely far away.  I don't know if they read newspapers or watch the national news.

 

But school shootings bring it all down to their level.  The vague idea becomes undeniably real and close at hand.  Metal detectors, locked doors, shooter drills.  Along with CPR and the Heimlich maneuver, now they need to learn how to avoid a shooter. My gosh.



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2021 12:23 AM · For: 4. Essential Workers

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

You did a very good job fitting your sentiments into the form of a villanelle.  I don't specifically recall what that member of the previous administration said about the American worker, but I can guess.  (It's probably on the internet somewhere.)

 

Writing a villanelle can be tricky because we have to use the repeating lines over and over while making them fit logically into the thought of each stanza, not just plunked into position because their place in the poem is coming up again.  "We are human capital stock" works very well as a repeating line because it applies to so many aspects of workers' rights, as you explore in this poem.

 

I had to smile, imagining your self-imposed challenge of coming up with six words that ended with the sound of '-urk'.  I looked up 'burke' in the dictionary; that was a new one for me.  Then I tried to think about what some other of your possibilities might have been, and I smiled to think that you had declined to say that anyone had gone berserk or had a quirk.  I think that 'twerk' is also a word, or maybe just slang, but you must forgive me for becoming so silly when your poem is so serious. 

 

Arranging sentences with good syntax in lines with few syllables is always a challenge.  I see that your villanelle has about 8 or 9 syllables, on the average, in each line.  When I write a villanelle, I go for longer lines, 7 iambic feet (14 beats), which makes the syntax much less challenging; maybe that's the lazy man's way out. 

 

I am enjoying all the poems in this collection.  When it comes to socail justice, there is so much to say!

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes.



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 19 Feb 2021 11:53 PM · For: 3. American Health

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

I think that your choice of the haiku form was very apt for the subject of this set of verses.  It doesn't take many syllables to state the stark event that each stanza records.  And almost all the stanzas are about situations in which the patient just doesn't have enough money to afford standard medical care.

 

Stanza VII, about Dr. Sims, is not specifically about money -- medical insurance didn't exist in those days -- but it reminds of the racism that plagues medical care today, even for people of color who have insurance through their employment.

 

You mention that the poems don't all have the same arrangement of the 5-syllable and 7-syllable lines.  One line even has only 4 syllables.  As you say, that's perfectly okay.  And the titles add a lot to the meaning of the poems, just giving the scene in which the three-line problem exists.  Without the titles, it would be harder to know what the situation was.

 

A creative and hard-hitting use of the haiku form.  Very well done.

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 19 Feb 2021 11:04 PM · For: 2. Going Green

Hi, kuusi palaa,

 

Thank you so much for pointing out the rhyme scheme in this poetry form.  Otherwise I would have sensed that some rhyming was going on but would not have been able to put my finger on what the system was.

 

I notice that each of your stanzas has its own focus.  The first stanza states the problem and emphasizes that we already know what we ought to do.  The second stanza provides disturbing evidence and addresses our lawmakers specifically.  And the third stanza is a clarion call for strong and immediate action by the people themselves.  Thus I would say that this poem is well organized; each thought has its place in the message.

 

Question about stanza 2.  Are lines 2-4 of this stanza meant to say "Here's a stunning fact: seventy-one percent of all global carbon emissions are produced by only one hundred companies"?  After studying those lines for a bit, that's how I read it.

 

I enjoyed your using a classic form of Wesh poetry to make this thoroughly modern call for action.  Do you suppose that it would be particularly moving for the Welsh, or would it have to be in the Welsh language to do that?

 

thank you very much for writing.

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes

 

 



Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 19 Feb 2021 10:35 PM · For: 1. Sonnet IV

Hi, kuusi palaa.

 

It's so nice to see you writing poetry in so many different forms for the Ultimate poetry collection.

 

I like this sonnet because it has a clear message , repeated in many words and phrases -- adventure, forge a fresh trail, searching for veracities, seeking, finding answers, choice, justice, and so on.  The first six lines mesh these sentiments with images of nature, providing a nurturing and supportive foundation for the strong statements of the final three lines.

 

Lines 8-11 strike me because they describe "elders" in a negative way, oppressive and closed to the search for truth.  I hope that the speaker of this poem is not putting all elders into the same basket, although his/her elders may be as he/she describes.  Being a gray-haired lady myself who definitely fits the description of elders, I am increasingly aware of the failing of ageism; its manifestations are all around us, though perhaps more visible to the old, as racism is more visible to people of color.  Every generatiion still has something vital to offer.

 

I liked your poem -- good visuals, lots of spirit, well chosen words.

 

Thank you for writing!

 

Vicki

Snow Foxes



Name: Pixileanin (Signed) · Date: 02 Aug 2020 01:38 PM · For: 8. A collocation

Love, love love the line, "But I know my worth, so I must continye to take up space".  I'm so happy you used this line as the summary for these poems. I don't think you could have picked a better one.  Free verse is often difficult to say much about, style-wise, because it's such an "anything goes" thing.  But really, the poet must make their own structure with what they are trying to say.  Your stanza separations are great, hammering the emphasis at just the right places. Great job on portraying a powerful moment!

 

Pix



Author's Response:

Hey Pix! Thank you again for a lovely review! 

When this story originally broke, I read a Guardian article on about how the term "effing b***h" was considered a collocation, and so I implanted another collocation: take up space, as a way to counter that derogatory statement said by a US Rep. Taking up space, especially when it comes to standing for human rights, is a necessity and a driving point for my life as well as for this colleciton of poems, so that's why I chose the line that you pointed out as my collection's summary. :) 

Thanks again for a lovely review!

(For the Battleship HC Opener)



Name: Pixileanin (Signed) · Date: 02 Aug 2020 01:30 PM · For: 4. Essential Workers

I was a little hesitant at first about this poetic form, but now that I've read a few poems in this style, I'm really starting to love it.  

The repeating lines you chose work so beautifully at the end of this poem. I wonder, did you craft the lines backwards, from the end where they are supposed to come together, and then work them into the poem?  I didn't do that with mine, but they ended up fitting together at the end just the same. I think there's a bit of magic with this form.

One thing I found difficult about this style was that we were stuck with the same two rhymes throughout.  I so wanted to break that mold, but I saw what it did when the poem was finished. It ties everything together, like one thing cannot exist without the other things.  Kind of like the subject you chose for this poem.  I can feel the frustration and rage and injustice seeping out of every stanza here.  Great job with this style!

 

Pix



Author's Response:

Thank you so much, Pix! :)

A villanelle is an interesting poem, for sure. To answer your question, I did craft the lines backwards. I started wtih the phrase "human capital stock" and developed the two repeated lines so that they were both specific and broad enough to capture the essence of the poem: that policymakers and corporatists [aka the ruling class] would rather workers go back to work so they [the ruling class] can continue to make profits, nevermind that there is a pandemic happening! To the ruling class, workers are replacable (thus workers being referred to "stock"), so I am glad that you caught onto the frustration, rage, and injustice that I feel when I think about that too much. 

Thanks again! (For the Battleship HC Opener)



Name: Pixileanin (Signed) · Date: 02 Aug 2020 01:25 PM · For: 2. Going Green

Hey there, I'm checking out your poetry since I just finished mine. :)

I did this form a ways back... had no idea it even existed... found it on Google, yeah?  I love the rhyme scheme and the intentional rhythm of this style, but I don't love the name for it.  It's so hard to spell!!

You subject matter is great for this style. I especially like the emphasis on the words "know" and "aware" in the first stanza.  The rhyming of "Emissions" and "petitions" is particularly brilliant in the second stanza, and the run on with your idea through those lines reminds me of slam poetry. It's fun to read that bit out loud and get all huffy with it. It really works there!  Your last word, "arise" has great placement, and brings everything to full stop, while at the same time making a statement that your point doesn't end with the word, but is just the beginning, a call to action.  Lovely words, great rhythm.  Really enjoyed this!

 

Pix 



Author's Response:

Hey Pix! Thank you so much for this set of surprise reviews! :D

I found the Cywydd Llosgyrnog   poem form on the poetry website that Kaitlin listed in her challenge, and yes, it is totally hard to spell! I just use copy and paste... as for actually pronouncing it, search me! lol

Thanks for the nice comments on my rhyming--I was a little nervous writing this poem, especially since I thought to myself "I want to include statistics in this poem" and with the rhyme scheme... it was a real challenge! And yes, I wanted to end this poem with a call to action. It's early on in my poetry collection, and I wanted the reader to have a sense of purpose and responsibility, for that's how we're going to combat climate change!

(for the Battleship HC Opener)

 



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