Name: HufflepuffBookworm1990 (Signed) · Date: 31 Mar 2022 03:40 PM · For: The Bounty of Slytherin

Hey, here for our swap

 

This was interesting. Sci fi isn't really my thing but I liked this a lot. I love Harry's inner monologue about Lockhart and that he hates him just as much as Draco.

Draco slept with Umbridge? It's not a really surprise. I think he would probably sleep with her maybe.

I loved the conversation between Harry and Minerva it was so funny. I would think that Draco is a vampire.

 

 

Author's Response:

Delaney, 

Thanks so much for the review.  "Interesting" is a fun way to put it.  It's certainly different, which is - I suppose - what I was shooting for.  My disdain for Draco sort of boiled over in this story, so I made him the canon jerk.

-Drew

Name: HufflepuffBookworm1990 (Signed) · Date: 30 Mar 2022 11:57 PM · For: The Bounty of Slytherin

Hey, here for our swap

 

This was interesting. Sci fi isn't really my thing but I liked this a lot. I love Harry's inner monologue about Lockhart and that he hates him just as much as Draco.

Draco slept with Umbridge? It's not a really surprise. I think he would probably sleep with her maybe.

I loved the conversation between Harry and Minerva it was so funny. I would think that Draco is a vampire.

 

 

Author's Response:

Delaney, 

Thanks so much for the review.  "Interesting" is a fun way to put it.  It's certainly different, which is - I suppose - what I was shooting for.  My disdain for Draco sort of boiled over in this story, so I made him the canon jerk.

-Drew

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 17 Feb 2022 04:06 AM · For: The Bounty of Slytherin

Hi, Drew!

You think of this story as a rough draft, but I enjoyed it immensely, just as it is.  It makes me wonder if you were in the navy, back in the day.

Using the familiar HP characters as the actors in this story was a fine idea.  Since we know them, we are already one step ahead in understanding their characters, since I don't expect that you planned to change their basic personalities in any way.  Harry as CoRep on the BOS reminds me of Harry masterminding Dumbledore's Army as a fifteen-year-old.

As with your other stories that I have read, your style is pure storytelling, a style in which action speaks louder than lengthy side excursions into the character's thoughts, feelings, reminiscences, and convoluted ruminations.  We have a crisis followed by another crisis, guaranteed to hold our attention and keep us clicking "Next Chapter."  Unfortunately there are at present no next chapters, and I'm afraid I don't have a sense that Chapter 2 is coming up anytime soon.  Too bad.  Our loss.

I don't think you need to back off with the cursing.  There's not that much, really, and it's pretty mild, and entirely apropos for the situation that Harry finds himself in.

I had not heard the term 'Value Engineering' before, but I can easily see how you have transferred your experience with that sorry brand of corporate bush-wa to give your story some verisimilitue.  As they say, write what you know.

A great first chapter, very enjoyable to read, even though I don't know how it all turns out in the end.

Thank you for writing.

Vicki

(for the Review Drive)

Author's Response:

Vicki, 

You're incredibly observant.  Yes - I worked as a civilian for a US Navy organization and the language and immersion in that world was all over the place.  Most of it stuck in the back of my brain.

This was one of those stupid ideas that raced through my mind (like most of Incheon's dialogue) and I put it here, more as a prompt for future writing when I'm stuck than anything else.  My writing priority is on finishing edits to The Prophecy to make it work with The Seventh Gate and then maybe I'll come back to this...  It was fun to write after all.

Thanks for reviewing.

-Drew

Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 25 Apr 2021 05:15 PM · For: The Bounty of Slytherin

Drew, hi, hello, my friend! Ok so, my rekindled love of scifi (thanks to a quadrennial rewatch cycle of BSG, I seem to find myself on LOL) paired with your quality writing is really what brings me here to review this today. That, and I think this story totally deserves a Golden Chalice nom, because HOW AWESOME does this idea sound?!

 

I'm immediately drawn in by your description of the moon and of this space station that is just endlessly circling. And of course, your description of older Harry are nice. :) I love his inner musings also about Gilderoy. AND OH LORD. Draco and Umbridge hah. I mean. I recognize the HP kids are adults in this, but the image that immediately conjures is far more disturbing given how we see the canon characters haha. It will take some time to unsee those mental images hah. But if you were going for humor with that set up, consider it successful ;) 

 

The announcements blaring all throughout the ships speakers was interesting to me. I wondered why CoReps would have individual communicators if such announcements were made over loud speakers like that. But it seems only "emergency level," type ones do? And geez, that's gotta be nerve wracking for everyone else on board who isn't summoned to hear what the messages are all about. 

 

I love the details of zero gravity as you climb higher in the space station. Your descriptions of a reactor gone bad and everything associated with it...I can't pretend I understood everything about that not being an expert. But it's totally not necessary to be. That's your job lol. But anyway, I wanted to mention that because, in spite of not understanding particularly WHY this is bad, I could FEEL that it was. The "oh shit," moments through the characters actions and shouting out commands was done really well and really alerted me to just how bad this all really was. I think in the following scene with Gilderoy too, we really see the magnitude of why this engine going down is BAAD. And we get a sense of what this space mission is all about too, which was another question that was lingering in my mind. :)

 

I think the way you reveal the premise is done really well. You slowly reveal the larger premise of this story and do a great job introducing each of the characters who will later become relevant. I think given the reporting structure in this story, you do a great job of first establishing whom the individuals are in the greater scheme of the story, before revealing their names. I think it makes sense. 

 

I really enjoyed the inclusions of superstitions. I feel like you have a reason for "bananas are bad luck," because I feel like you always have a reason for everything you do as a writer. And I am curious :eyes:.

 

I will say that even without your author's note, I could deduce that "value engineering," was included sarcastically and the "spacing," meant as you intended it to mean. So yeah, I think that really speaks to additional strengths you have as a writer. It's definitely not easy to convey a particular meaning with unfamiliar jargon and be successful at it, but I definitely think you are. 

 

Anyway, I am most curious about where this is headed. I felt like you set this up well to start and I hope you decide to continue it! :)

 

<3 Courtney

Author's Response:

Courtney, 

Thank you so much for this review.  I don't know what the heck I was thinking when I put this on my page.  This was a stupid idea from the beginning but I did have fun writing it.  To date, the resounding *crickets* that I've gotten in feedback has sort of reinforced my intent on ignoring this and relegating it to the scrap pile with my (many) other bad ideas.

I grew up on the old (and I mean ancient) original BSG.  It was in my formative youth and like other things I watched when I was younger than 8, it lodged way down in my subconscous and also gave me that lifelong affinity for SciFi.  You'll have to let me know if the revamped BSG is worth it.  It probably will be for the theme song alone.  Do they still have the stupid robot that says 'be-de-be-de-be-dip?"  That has been living rent-free in my noodle for the past four decades along with the triforce-shaped fighters shooting out of the launch tubes.

Sorry for the digression.  Thank you so much for 'getting' both my humor and my attempts at description of these SciFi concepts.  As an engineer, I needed to literally calculate how big the station would have to be and how fast it would have to spin in order to generate 1 earth gravity while riding on the inner rim. (100 meter radius and 3 revolutions per second if you're wondering - which I know you aren't).   I'm sure you understand this disturbing need to have things be 'right' since I think you told me you work with a bunch of engineers. 

The superstitions are real in that those are Navy supersitions.  Departing on a Friday and no bananas or redheads on ships aren't something I invented.  I figured if they've stuck around since the 1600s, there's no reason they won't stick around for another couple of hundred years. Another item of bad luck is renaming the ship - which is where I was going in Chapter 2 back when I was still thinking about going further with this...

This is - at best - a draft of what this story could be, so I appreciate your feedback and recommendations.  It could definitely be improved, and I know where I would be going if Harry and the crew can get this B.O.S. out of space dock.  

 

-Drew