Reviews For The Wrinkles of the Road


Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 25 Dec 2018 01:43 AM · For: rose. --- a visit with victoire.

Hello, Branwen! After quite the interlude, during which time the Nifflers actually kidnapped me, if you can believe it, I am back with another rescued review!

 

Okay, so I'm nowhere near finished with Curiosity Is Not a Sin, but so far, I feel that The Wrinkles of the Road stands pretty well on its own. Fifth year, and starting your careers are just such different life stages, that they read as quite unrelated, despite existing in the same timeline. I'm definitely not feeling like I'm missing out having not finished Curiosity Is Not a Sin yet.

 

Seven chapters in, this is great! I like the pacing of the story - it just seems to be going along, and it doesn't feel rushed at all. It reads as very slice-of-life, which I'm enjoying.

 

I am a little confused at the moment about why Rose is feeling a little insecure in her relationship with Scorpius in the last couple of chapters? Nothing's struck me as a whipping red flag about their relationship, and their arguments seem pretty normal - like those people have after being together for a long time. Is this all just mostly in her head? She does strike me as a big of a worrier, so this is not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

 

A lovely story so far! I'm interested to see where Rose's relationship security will head over the next few chapters!

 

xx 800



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 15 Jun 2017 05:52 PM · For: rose. --- a very weasley saturday.

Branwen!  Hello <3

 

(So I have a confession to make now.  I actually read the first few chapters of this story a few years ago and then got distracted and never came back to it, so now you've posted it here I'm starting again with it.  I'm also hoping that my reviews are slightly more coherent than those I left you for CTF :P)

 

I really loved this as an opening chapter.  It picks up the thread of Curiosity Is Not a Sin really well, with enough of the characters we know well appearing in this chapter, but we also got to see the progression of the characters and get a taste of what they've been doing since the end of CINAS.

 

The description of the Burrow and the family Saturdays there was so wonderful <3 I think you captured it perfectly, the comfortable, relaxed sense that Rose gets when she's there and the fun chaos which is taking place around her.  Fred bewitching the snowballs to hit Molly in the head and her getting her own back on him in the background of the main story made me laugh, and it fit in so well with the whole atmosphere.

 

I liked finding out about Rose and Albus and the careers they have chosen.  I can't imagine your Rose in anything other than the DCB, actually, even though Scorpius is worried about her when she starts to tackle more dangerous creatures, because he knows how often people in the Bureau end up in St. Mungo's.  Each of the careers you've chosen for the characters seem to fit them really well (I think one thing that never fails to amaze me about your writing is how incredibly well you know your characters) and I liked the way you included the mentions of how Albus was frustrated to hear Rose talking about her training.  When you're first starting out in work and comparing yourself to others it can be really hard.

 

Rose ignoring her problems and the sorts of issues that are arising in her relationship with Scorpius is not going to end well.  It doesn't make the problems go away, Rose!  I get the feeling that that is going to be a sticking point for the two of them in this novel.

 

Scorpius and Rose are still adorable together, though.  I'm so glad that they managed to get over their own pride and stubbornness and realise that they're actually perfect together <3

 

I know that it's the sort of person that Rose is, but I sometimes feel like from the beginning of their relationship, Scorpius has been the one to make more compromises and make more of an effort to be part of Rose's life than she has?  He's already started to get to know her cousins, even though they haven't all made it easy for him, and he's at the Burrow with her, but she doesn't seem very willing to even consider meeting his grandparents - like Scorpius said, I know that they (Lucius especially) did awful things in the war, but that doesn't stop them from being his family.

 

(I loved the detail that Lucius used the Imperius Curse on Draco - I don't think I've ever seen that in a fic before and it was fascinating!)

 

I know Rose is reluctant, to say the least, to meet even Scorpius's grandmother, but I hope that she does agree to it, because it's going to mean so much to him.  Although I suspect it could be quite an awkward dinner :P It's a sign of how much she means to him that he's said that he won't talk to his family again if they have a problem with her blood status, too.  This was a lovely first chapter and I'm looking forward to coming back soon!

 

Sian :)



Name: sunshinedaisieswindmills (Signed) · Date: 11 Jun 2017 08:50 PM · For: scorpius. --- an inauspicious start.

Hi Branwen! I'm here for CTF, so I thought I'd check back in with Rose and Scorpius! I can't believe it's been TWO YEARS since the last time I left you a review here! I mean, I suppose it's been a crazy two years, but still. 

Despite the time lapse on my end, I was able to remember most everything that was happening pretty quickly, which I think speaks a lot to your writing. Your stories and characters are so memorable! 

I loved watching Scorpius and Albus interact, they have such an interesting dynamic. You can so tell that they've been best friends forever and that their lives are crazy intertwined. Albus totally had a point about that, by the way, Scorpius should use his friends' dangerous professions as an advantage in his own career. I mean, ethically, maybe not, but I'm sure it would help him get what he wants. 

I thought it was very interesting that the healers on the creature injury floor were so cold to the residents. I definitely wasn't expecting that. In context it makes sense, of course the healers would have to improvise if they weren't used to the creature attacking. I'm definitely interested in seeing how that plays out!

Here's hoping this is the flag story!!!



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:37 PM · For: Rose. --- A Coming Storm.

Wow, things were going all slow and calm throughout this story and then BAM! All of a sudden there's creatures crawling all over the place and injuring people.

I bet when Rose imagined herself fighting monsters she hadn't pictured this many all at once.

It sounds like it isn't safe to step outside of your house anymore at this point. I hope Rose stays safe and doesn't get herself seriously injured though.

I wonder how Scorpius is going to react to the news once Rose tells him (if she decides to tell him).



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:36 PM · For: scorpius. --- a frenetic day at st. mungo's.

I feel so bad for Scorpius though. He's so insecure about Rose, I just want to give him a big hug to make him feel better even though that's not usually how it works. It seems that Rose just can't seem to stop eavesdropping on people. At some point she ends up listening in on a conversation between two people that she knows.

Anyway, great chapter! I really enjoyed reading it!    



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:34 PM · For: rose. --- lunch with narcissa.

Finally the meeting with Narcissa arrived. I was so excited reading this chapter. Things are so awkward between Rose and Narcissa but the two of them are getting along so I don't think it's going to go that bad. I can definitely see why Rose is awkward though, she and Narcissa come from two very different worlds. It's almost as if they're trying to find a language to communicate in that both of them can understand.

I hope that as the two of them keep talking that Rose will relax more and Narcissa will become warmer towards Rose. She can obviously see that Scorpius and Rose care for each other, I think Narcissa just needs to become more familiar with Rose. I'm already picturing the two of them meeting up for tea more often in the future and becoming closer, it makes me really happy to picture it for some reason.    



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:32 PM · For: rose. --- training assignment.

I'm so excited to see how the meeting between Narcissa and Rose goes, it's been eating away at her for so long. At least now she can get it over with and it'll be one less thing giving her anxiety. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I wonder how you've characterized Narcissa in this story. I always thought she and Lucius became two very different people by the end of the series.

Narcissa seemed like she'd taken a more open-minded route, and Lucius seemed like he was in too deep to change. Obviously the meeting is going to be a little bit awkward but I hope that it goes well so that Rose isn't as scared of Narcissa anymore.

I'm getting excited just thinking about their meeting. Great chapter and happy holidays!



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:31 PM · For: scorpius. --- collision.

I like the healthy relationships that the characters in this story have. I like that Rose and Scorpius go to various family members to seek opinions to make sure that they aren't making the wrong decisions, I think that's really healthy. And you can see that they're all really close with each other because they're able to open up to one another about problems that are bothering them. It's not easy to let out your problems to people.

I'm so glad that Rose agreed to have lunch with Narcissa, I had a feeling she would, but I'm happy to see it in writing.

I also enjoy the characterization of your Draco, he still keeps the characteristics of the young Draco but more mature, wise, and warmer. Draco was also very cold when he was younger so it was really nice to see him be so warm with Scorpius and giving out advice. I never really dreamed that Draco Malfoy would one day grow up to form healthy relationships like he has.



Name: greisful (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 07:30 PM · For: scorpius. --- planning for the future.

Hey I remember reading this on HPFF and I thought I'd move the review that I left you over that onto here as well!

I've been meaning to catch up on this story for so long so the holidays seemed like the perfect time to drop some reviews on your story.

I like the friendship between Scorpius and Albus, and how Scorpius gets along with James. They got off to a bit of a rocky start in the previous story but I love how their friendship has grown since then.

I can't imagine how much anxiety one would get from meeting the family of their spouse, especially when it's a family as big as Rose Weasley's, but both Scorpius and Rose come from very different families, which would add to the stress. I'm glad that Scorpius went and talked to Albus about how his visit went, I think it definitely lessened some of the worries that he had about Rose's relatives hating him.

I hope that Rose does say yes to meeting Narcissa, she is very important to Scorpius, and he's definitely right, she would definitely be more well-behaved than Lucius. Narcissa would definitely be more accepting and open-minded when it came to Rose, she wasn't as into the pure blood ideology as the others I think.

Anyways, awesome chapter! 



Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 07:45 PM · For: rose. --- training assignment.

The wizarding world had focused too much of their energy on dark wizards following the Second Wizarding War, and they’d forgotten there were other dark things out there. Now they were paying the price.

 

 

For me this is entirely believable. In all honesty I do think after the war ended and everything was pretty much sorted out they had a period where the WW flourished. A sort of golden age if you will. Where everything would be peachy keen and Death Eaters were a thing of the past. I do think Harry and the others would be wary but some of the guard would be let down. I just don’t seem them taking magical creatures that seriously. Maybe because some of them did fight with them (or against) during the war, if only to protect their land, but still. I do think they would be a problem later on though because there’s always a sort of ‘evil’ lurking out there.

 

 

I can’t believe she thinks Lav. Brown is intimidating and scary. That’s actually pretty funny. How things can change! See, people can change! In both good and bad ways. I understand her misgivings and uneasiness about meeting Narcissa but she just needs to bite the bullet and let it go. Rose makes these little comments about the Malfoy bloodline so it’s obvious she loves Scorpius and sees herself spending years with him. She just has to do this one thing in order to seal the deal. I know it sounds awful but sometimes all it takes is that one push of effort and everything aligns perfectly. I’m not saying they need to get engaged or married tomorrow but this will bring them closer and hopefully quell the fighting.



Author's Response:

Yesssss I am so glad that this premise rang true to you! I feel like a lot of the next big evil next gen stories are really all about dark wizards, and while I love a lot of stories centered around that, don't get me wrong, I wanted to do something a little different.

 

I agree re: Narcissa. The fact that Narcissa openly supported mass murder (arguably to the point of genocide) is definitely reason for hesitation, but I think it's pretty clear that Narcissa might have changed significantly, particularly given how she helped Harry. To me, Narcissa is a quintessential Slytherin primary (sortinghatchats - IDK if you're familiar with it, but it's the best sorting system ever) - she's all about her personal loyalties, and everything else is just details. That doesn't make her a particularly good person in the grand scheme of things, but it does mean that she's not an idealogue the way other supporters of Voldemort were (IMO).

 

Thank you so, so much!



Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 07:29 PM · For: scorpius. --- collision.

Did she tell you to do something different? Because you should, you know.”

 

 

See it’s moments like this that I find Rose to be unappealing. If it was the other way around and Scorpius was telling her what to do she would be livid. I mean they’re both spoiled but she’s really such a brat. It’s lines like that that really let it shine.

 

There’s not one right job for most people - there are just jobs people do for a lot of different reasons that hopefully don’t make them miserable.

 

 

I wish Draco was my dad. Or my mom or anyone with authority that I would listen to in my family because he is a sensible man. I am really happy with the way you portray him as a father here. I like that there’s a sense of warmth here but he still seems to carry an edge and restraint within him. He is rather flexible, isn’t he, though? Hm. I love Draco.

 

 

Sorry I got distracted by my love for him. There are cartoon hearts floating around my head.

 

 

I’m happy to see Scorpius lean on his father for support. It’s great that he has Albus and a friend in James but they don’t really get it, you know? Albus might feel uncomfortable by his grandparents but he doesn’t know the real relationship that Scorpius has with them first hand. He also doesn’t know what goes behind closed doors 100%. No one does besides Scorpius. I’m sure he tells Albus and Rose everything but it’s not the same as living through it. That’s how it was for Draco too. It’s not like Scorpius had a hard life or anything but I’m saying he has a more intimate relationship with the Malfoy family seeing as he’s the son/grandson. I was thrilled by the fact that Draco didn’t tell him what to do but instead he kind of gave him that over all advice of ‘do what makes you happy.’ Screw Rose, if he wants to focus on magical creatures because it’ll make him feel better why not? She wouldn’t stop her life and dreams for him. She’s not flexible. Draco is completely and utterly right.

 

Wow. I never thought I would type those words.



Author's Response:

I'm so glad you like Draco! Yes, he's definitely very flexible; I think that a lot of characters in the series will break before they bend, but Draco will definitely bend before he breaks. He's a lot more level-headed in that way than many of the Gryffindors in series, who can tend to get caught up in the principle of the thing to such an extent that they forget practicality.

 

I'm also glad (in a slightly weird way, maybe??) that Rose is coming across as unreasonable here. I do think that she has a point, especially regarding Lucius, but I feel like she articulates it pretty poorly and in a way that's always going to leave Scorpius feeling a little confused and attacked. There aren't any easy answers, and ultimately, I think it kind of comes down to "you have to do you." I think that came across?? If so, I'm really happy that it did. :) :)

 

Thank you!



Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 07:13 PM · For: rose. --- a difficult decision.

I do think that things go your way a lot more than they go his, because he’s just a lot more easygoing than you.

 

 

 

That was my point entirely and here I thought I was being the unreasonable one. They’re in a mature adult relationship. She just has to suck it up and do this for him. The War was a long time ago. I get that they did horrible things but there has to be some give. At least show you can be the bigger person and show up. I’m not talking about letting it slide and being okay with the fact that Lucius was knee deep into the torture, murder, etc. I don’t expect her to be pals with them but it wouldn’t kill her to give them a chance.

 

 

Rose, if you do it just because you think you owe him, you’re just going to end up resenting him for it, even though he didn’t actually make you do anything.”

 

 

Uh. Lucy I hear you. I do. I understand the resenting thing. I hated when my boyfriend would want me to come to every damn family event. Why do I have to? It kind of festered inside of me for awhile but it was because I was very much like Rose. I was stubborn and I took more than I gave. Once I started to give in a little bit more and the playing field became even I realized it was okay. Now I miss his family but that’s not important. The point is she’s afraid. That’s what it is. I understand that. I really do. She doesn’t want to be offended and she herself doesn’t want to be offensive. I think anyway. Rose isn’t used to doing things she doesn’t want to or doesn’t have to do. Well, your understanding and agreeable boyfriend who loves you could resent you for this. I know she’s going to meet Narcissa and it’ll be fine, maybe a little bit awkward, but it’s like come on girl. What if they got married? Would she not interact with his family at all because she simply doesn’t want to?



Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 07:00 PM · For: scorpius. --- planning for the future.

Scorpius, no offense - well, a little offense, I guess - but your grandfather was kind of a death eater. A real one, not a baby one like your dad.”

 

 

 

I like that there are apparently levels to being a Death Eater.

 

 

Baby Death Eater

 

 

Real Death Eater

 

 

Is there no in-between?

 

 

“This matters to you, and I think your grandmother probably will behave herself.”

 

 

I think it’s a good thing he asked Rose. They’re still his family, right? I mean if Scorpius didn’t care about his grandparents it wouldn’t be an issue but he does. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have asked her so yeah they might have their faults but they still mean something to him. He knows it might not go down well but he has to believe that both sides love him enough to try. Trying means something. Maybe Lucius will be a cow to Rose but I doubt Narcissa will be. If anything she would be nice to Rose I think because she has ties to Harry Potter. If it wasn’t for Harry she wouldn’t have been able to have a life, watch her son marry or have Scorpius as a grandson.

 

 

I’m not surprised Scorpius is unsure which field to choose to work in. If I was in his position Rose and the rest of his family/friends would be my concern too. What if something happens and they can’t get to St. Mungo’s or there’s an emergency and Scorpius is the one that is there or the one that they ring? He would want to know how to deal with any of the situations to keep them all alive. Though I’m sure he’s concerned about the general population as well. It is a lot so I could feel his stress as I read through the entire chapter. He has a lot to consider. I just hope he makes the best choice for him.



Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 06:44 PM · For: rose. --- a very weasley saturday.

Even when she was just sitting alone by the window in her grandparents’ living room, watching Fred bewitch snowballs to pelt Molly in the back of the head no matter what direction she was looking in, there was a sense of togetherness that she could never seem to find anywhere else.

 

 

You’ve hit the Burrow on the head to a ‘T.’ It just sounds so cozy and homey I would love to spend every weekend there as well. Not with my family but with hers because mine drives me crazy.

 

 

it was her experience that when you avoided problems for long enough, they just went away.

 

 

And that is not how relationships work. Healthy ones anyway. I reckon there is a storm brewing here because if she does get injured Scorpius is going to have a field day over it. It’s like some people can’t date cops or firefighters or people in the army. Right? Because it’s so difficult. You spend so much of your time worrying if they’re alive or if they’re going to make it through the day. I’m sure she’s somewhat worried about her safety but Scorpius would be even moreso because his job is to heal people and watch them in pain when they can’t be healed or die. Imagine he’s working one day and Rose is levitated in or something and he can’t do anything about it. It just makes the relationship harder because she won’t talk about it. Three years my butt. Yeah, I said it. I could see them breaking up. I don’t think you’d do that but I wouldn’t be against it.

 

 

I know Rose is used to getting her way but girl come on. I understand his grandparents, well grandfather, does not have a redeeming qualities but a relationship is about give and take. All she does is take and she doesn’t give much back. Cut Scorpius some slack.

 

 

UH. I’m sorry. I think I’m hungry. I’m feeling particularly mean towards Rose right now. HAHA.



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 22 Mar 2017 02:03 PM · For: rose. --- lunch with narcissa.

Hey :) Just checking in for a review!

So, this is the highly-anticipated Rose-meets-Narcissa chapter and I cannot wait to see how it goes between them!

Having to fill in that "emergency contact" form no doubt brings to light the realities of the dangers that Rose faces at work. I think it's lovely in one way that she chose Scorpius as her next-of-kin, but ugh, what a responsibility on his shoulders! He now becomes the one to inform her parents if anything happens to Rose. Yikes :/

The "he's really great" comment made me giggle; it's the sort of mundane thing I say without thinking, and then regret saying for ages afterwards. I can so relate to that!

I'll move onto the Narcissa section now. I think you've summed her up beautifully and perfectly with Rose's thought: "she wasn't cold - she just wasn't really warm either." We know from canon that Narcissa isn't 100% Ice Maiden and she does have some softness in her somewhere. I really like that phrase to describe her.
I can just imagine how Narcissa wouldn't be inclined to budge an inch to make a Weasley comfortable in her presence and in this setting, though. I like the stilted and difficult conversations between Rose and Narcissa in this - I really got the sense of how difficult both women were finding the situation, even though Narcissa probably wouldn't want to let on. I get the hint that perhaps Scorpius's grandmother does want to drop her guard a little but a/ doesn't know how and b/ probably feels it's not etiquette to do so?

Cute that Rose slips in an "I love you" to Scorpius, without meaning to do so, and Narcissa hears her. Ahh <3

Loved this chapter, it was brilliant! I think Narcissa is portrayed beautifully and realistically. Excellent stuff :)

Brax X



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 22 Mar 2017 01:17 PM · For: rose. --- training assignment.

:) It's been a while since I wrote a review for this story, so I thought I'd start again where I left off.

Ooh, I have to begin with Lavender Brown. Well! I just love the idea that she intimidates her subordinates. Lavender was in Gryffindor; she just can't be the flimsy, namby-pamby character frequently portrayed. I adore the fact that although she's not been fully introduced here, you've hinted at her having some substance :) but she's also a bit of an enigma, isn't she? Is something happening between her and Van Dedworth? Intriguing.

The other thing that's piqued my interest in this chapter; why is there an increase in the number of attacks by dangerous creatures? Have populations grown unchecked due to some ecosystem imbalance? I'm quite curious to find out.

Oh James, you cocky sod! Full of swagger after defeating some forest trolls. I'm glad Rose has the strength of character to turn a blind eye to his annoying behaviour.

Finally - hmm. Can Scorpius REALLY be sure that Rose will like his grandmother? I'm so looking forward to reading how that interaction pans out!

Another fabulous chapter which is well-structured, easy to follow and very readable. I'm so sorry to not have reviewed sooner!

Brax X



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 26 Feb 2017 09:58 AM · For: scorpius. --- collision.

 

Hello! I’m dropping in for a review :)

 

 

 

First of all, I’ll just say it was an absolute pleasure to read and review this chapter, so thank you for the request. You mentioned that your main concerns were regarding the flow of the chapter and Draco Malfoy’s character, so I’ll discuss them in that order.

 

 

 

Flow-wise, I really, really don’t think you have an issue whatsoever :) In fact, the whole story so far has been really well-paced. It doesn’t rush by, nor does it labour; it carries the reader along at a very comfortable speed. I think correctly setting the pace of a piece of writing is such an underestimated skill, and, so far, you’ve hit it spot on here.

 

Scenes move well from one to the next, either following on in sequence, or, if there’s a time gap between them, there’s sufficient explanation given to avoid the reader becoming lost between paragraphs.

 

The balance between description and dialogue is again managed beautifully in this chapter, with no parts that stand out as being awkward or contrived.

 

 

 

Rose and Scorpius kick off the chapter, and we find that Rose has agreed to meet Narcissa Malfoy (well done Lucy on your persuasive skills! I think I’m going to like Lucy a lot in this, if she features in future chapters). I love the cute interactions between Scorpius and Rose, interspersed with dialogue regarding other things, such as their careers. It makes their relationship seem very natural and grounded.

 

 

 

Then, we move on to Scorpius at work, and there’s a rather nice cook/gardener analogy to explain why he’s good at Potions, but not at Herbology. I did laugh at the bit where Scorpius said “plants are a lot easier to work with when they’re dead.” Coupled with the fact that he enjoys working alone in the lab, I’m kind of hoping you’re going to send him to the pathology department when he gets round to choosing his Healing specialty ;) I think he may find his calling there.

 

 

 

The final sketch in this chapter begins with Scorpius seeking Draco’s advice. Immediately, this tells me that Scorpius has a good relationship with his father. Draco greets him with a hug. That’s not quite the teenage Draco that I’m familiar with, but he’s bound to have changed post-war and with adult/parenthood, so it’s an acceptable thing for him to do. In a way, it makes sense that Draco wouldn’t want to become a carbon copy of Lucius and may go out of his way to do things differently as an adult, compared to his parents. That happens with unfailing regularity in RL, after all.

 

That Draco has accepted Rose and Albus so readily is a bit of a surprise, but again, if we consider the timescale between his teenage years and in the future, when this is set, it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that a/ he will have moved on and grown up and b/ life occurrences will have shaped him in unpredictable ways. He is not going to be the same person that he was 20-30 years ago.

 

Some parts of the passages involving Draco make me go “Yes! Absolutely, definitely Malfoy!” How he reacts to Rose agreeing to meet his parents. How he would describe the Weasleys/Potters/Granger, and the paragraph beginning “That’s because you’re a Slytherin with some sense.” I think you have hit these Draco nails right on their heads.

 

The only slight reservation I have regarding your Draco (and I stress this is only my opinion, and it’s a very minor ‘but’), is that he comes across as more light-hearted and jovial than I would have expected his canon character to act. However, that said, people often behave very differently with their children compared to how they interact with strangers/friends/other family. What would reveal more about your Draco would be his interactions with strangers or acquaintances. Like I said, though, I’m being extremely nit-picking, and if I read this chapter without the aim of critiquing it, I don’t find it at all distracting, so I guess if you hadn’t asked for CC on that part, I wouldn’t have even have noticed it.

 

So, to summarise, I think you have done a good job in writing a believable Draco Malfoy.

 

 

 

One typo I noticed - “it wasn’t home the way his parents’ house way” - I think the second ‘way’ is probably supposed to say ‘was’ (hands up who hates autocorrect?).

 

 

 

All in all, this was brilliant, a very readable chapter. Loved it :) I hope this review was useful.

Brax X



Name: lovegood27 (Signed) · Date: 24 Feb 2017 06:47 PM · For: rose. --- a very weasley saturday.

Thought I'd drop by with a review. I'm really enjoying this story so far! :)

 

I genuinely have so much to say about this, but I'll try not to ramble on too much. So I think the beginning was written quite well. It makes you want to read more, and links well with the rest of the story. I like how we find out so much about Scorpius, Rose and her cousins all in one chapter. Personally, I like having the information :) I hope to see more of the Weasleys in the following chapters. Fred and Molly's relationship was interesting and definitely had me laughing!

 

Also, Rose and Scorpius! They were absolutely adorable, and fit each other so well! Scorose is quite a common ship, but not everyone can write it convincingly and I think you depicted it beautifully here. It does leave the reader wondering how they came to be together if Rose originally hated him, though. I don't often read stories after they've both graduated and are already dating.

 

Scorpius has a good personality. He's caring and sweet and obviously really loves Rose, but is also very loyal to his family, which I liked. I think it was nice of him to actually make the effort to meet Rose's family. If only Rose was as thoughtful...but Ron Weasley is her father so maybe she has an excuse ;)

 

So anyway, I think this is brilliant story so far. Your dialogue and characterisation are both great and I don't have much to comment on about that. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and finding out if they visit Scorpius' family :D

 

 



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 23 Feb 2017 05:00 AM · For: rose. --- a difficult decision.

Ooh!

It's a while since I visited to review chapters one and two, and I read this one after I'd left the responses, but I thought I'd re-acquaint myself with it today. I think it's better on the second read! There are little details in there that I'm sure I hadn't noticed first time around. Anyway, I'm not here to review how rubbish I am at picking up on things, ahem. I'll crack on, shall I?

 

This is another lovely, very readable chapter that flows beautifully, moving quite seamlessly between scenes and conversations. I just love the way you easily introduce new characters into your story without it seeming contrived, and how good you are at giving them dimension in so few words.

 

The thought of an acromantula invasion strikes me cold with dread. I don't think I'll be able to continue with this story if that's where you are taking it! Me + spiders = meltdown. Even fictional ones.


Cute scene with Al, James and Rose at the Potter flat :) I don't think I'd be able to choose between a cardboard diet and a rubber one either, so I'm glad for Rose's sake that Albus didn't do the cooking.

 

The Potter boys and their relationship details fascinated me. There aren't many next-gen fics where James isn't some kind of rampant womaniser, so I'm very glad you portrayed him differently here and didn't make his love life the focus of his personality; instead, emphasising other aspects of his character like his ability to cook (if that makes sense?).

 

I really like your Lucy, and I love love love the fact you've given her a decent career and a rather mysterious personality! I hope she continues to feature in this story and we learn more about her.


And Oh! How will Lucy have influenced Rose's decision? I wonder...

Fab chapter as always!


Brax X



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 11 Feb 2017 12:15 PM · For: scorpius. --- planning for the future.

I'm glad the senior Weasleys would welcome Scorpius back for another visit :).

Very sensible Potter parenting not to hand everything to their sons on a platter. The little details such as the threadbare sofa, the burnt chair, and the smell of bacon and eggs, has me picturing some kind of student hovel not dissimilar to the sort of digs I lived in *cough-cough*number of years ago. Nicely contrasted with Scorpius's bought flat, furnished with Malfoy manor belongings. I knew a few of those students too!
I did feel a little sorry for Scorpius again, regarding his pesky ancestors, and I thought that was a bit blunt of Albus and James to highlight the Malfoy alliance with Voldemort - I don't blame Scorpius for being a sensitive sausage about it. However, I can't wait to see how Rose will interact with Narcissa - and perhaps Lucius? - later.

Interesting and daunting dilemma for Scorpius regarding his career choices. I hope he's never in the position where he has to choose who to save :/

I loved how informative this chapter was, and how well the scenes were set. Great writing!

Brax X



Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2017 05:12 AM · For: rose. --- a very weasley saturday.

Hello, I'm here for a BvB review!

 

I have no idea why I didn't start reading this story earlier, as it's just my cup of tea and the whole of this first chapter is beautifully written. You have such a way with first sentences/paragraphs that really pulls the reader in and makes them pay attention.

The way your characters have been drawn in this chapter is just lovely. Of course, there is a lot of room for artistic licence with next generation characters, as (if we ignore the Cursed Child) we don't know much about them. However, I think what you've done really well here is to give your characters dimension so early on. I already have a soft spot for Albus, and I really like how he connects with his feminine side, knowing that problems have to be faced and won't go away on their own. It's a nice little touch to contrast that with Rose's ostrich approach.

Poor Scorpius! He cannot help his ancestors. It will be interesting to see how you depict the interaction between Rose and Narcissa when they finally meet, as I'm assuming they will.

I'm also quite keen to see if you bring Roxanne into this and whether there will be any conciliation there.

Loved this. When work stops getting in the way I will continue reading and reviewing.


Brax X



You must login (register) to review.