Darktooth's Vampire Emporium by @Rumpelstiltskin

narrated by @crowsb4bros

fic | podfic

rumpels is truly a queen of humour.

the entire Bram Stoker Be Rollin' in His Grave RN is a masterpiece in vampire fiction but Darktooth's Vampire Emporium is a gem - a series of spoofy infomercials about the products made specially for vampires by Karl Darktooth, a self-proclaimed inventor.

the sheer number of special vampire products that rumpels has managed to invent for this story is amazing, but the way she wrote these infomercials, the creativity behind thinking up how to sell them, the hashtags and pop culture movements, the invented vampires who use them and recommend them is simply amazing and wildly original.

paula's reading of the story was both hilarious and wonderful at the same time. she somehow manages to convey the hilarity of the story by being completely serious throughout it all. i'm not sure how she managed to get through the whole recording without starting to laugh...which makes me wonder if there exists a blooper reel.

since some of the infomercials are advertised by different people, paula also does different voices and accents (southern, canadian....) throughout the recording and i absolutely loved the way she does them. they're all so clear and different from each other, though by far my favourites were cindy bobindy, a vampire mum from louisiana and countess elizabeth bathory, mother of darkness. and despite this needing to sound like a commercial so by default, it has to be read fairly quickly, the way paula reads it is quite easy to listen to and understand without any problems.

and not just recording a hilarious podfic, paula makes it seem like something you truly would hear on the radio or tv and i think that's something quite difficult to accomplish when you're advertising vampire products. dead serious as well.

this old vampire would buy anything paula tried to sell her.

and her voice truly is very soothing and easy to listen to. so everyone should go have a listen to any of her podfics.