I’m writing this blog for a few reasons. Mostly because several members of this community are hurting. Folks who aren’t directly caught up in hurt are perhaps feeling uncertain and upset because they see their friends are mad, sad, angry, etc. and don’t know what to say or do. 

JKR's recent statements have brought out a lot of emotion and conflicted feelings among our members, including staff, and an on-site discussion about it left some members feeling alone, attacked, and/or uncertain about their place in the community. I don't believe that anyone who posted in the thread intended to be hurtful, but the perception and feelings people had afterwards are very real. As a staff group we’re reflecting on how to better foster community around these tough topics. 

That’s why I want to intervene and say the following because too many people are in pain right now for me to stay silent. 

• Trans identities are real. JKR made harmful comments about and towards the trans community which I find abhorrent on a personal level. As a site, HPFT rejects transphobia and is a place where LGBTQIA+ identities are real, valued, welcomed, and safe. 
• People can have an issue with how a disagreement is happening without disagreeing on the issue itself. For instance, +this news story (M) about a protester carrying a counter-protester away because they were injured is my exact point here. Some guy showed up at a BLM protest to counter-protest, got hurt, and was carried away by a BLM supporter Patrick Hutchinson. When people see their friends in an argument against many people, even where they may or may not agree with that friend, it is an instinct to help protect that person. All that says about the protector is they’re a good friend.
• Some of us are more knowledgeable, passionate, informed, and directly impacted by human rights issues. For some of us, we grew up in very oppressive  communities where we’re still unpacking, unlearning, and refilling our hearts and minds. We’re either left with direct exposure to hate or massive blindspots to it.  HPFT is a safe place for people who are marginalized but we’re also a place for people with open hearts and minds to grow their ways of thinking. In my experience we get there by all trying our best to pause and listen to others, even when we disagree with them, in order to discuss topics in a way that results in better mutual understanding. However, it’s not the job of marginalized people to do that heavy emotional labor to explain why some views or word choices or whatever are harmful. 

My main thought here is we need to get better at these conversations and healthy debate. 

We need to be brave and consider the scary prospect that we’ve been wrong in our approach (and that we can be better). I’ve faced this many times when confronted with new information. While the point of this site isn’t to push people through sociopolitical bootcamp, we need to be able to have these grownup discussions and recognize the intersectionality of everything and these human rights topics. 

What I’d like to suggest the next time there’s a thread where people get riled up is: 

• Don’t post while you’re upset (take a look at How to Respond to an Offensive Comment at Work (M) )
• If there is hate speech, slurs, or other disallowed content please flag down a staffer asap
• If it’s too much for you to explain to someone why their views are regressive, oppressive, etc., let someone else do it. 
• Use “I feel” statements if it’s getting too intense (e.g. “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the number of people picking apart my word choice after I’ve explained it. I need a while to collect my thoughts”) 

Lastly, I know some people lost friendships over the weekend. Some people are angry at others. If you have it in you, please try to untangle the argument you were having from the person. What I read on Twitter was a lot of people shouting that “Transphobia is wrong” and a lot of people shouting “Be nice to my friend.” To me, neither side was having the same conversation. 

We’ve been a site for just over four years now. Many of us have known each other for much longer than that. What tests our ability to weather change and move through life together is our willingness to come back together united around about love for writing and for one another. Let’s not lose that over a rough weekend. 

If you have ideas for how we can do things better as a site or how I can help do this better as a leader, let me know. I’m listening.