Quote

i want a fist around my throat
i wanna cry so hard, i choke

aesthetic by me

to no one's surprise (and also i've been pretty fucking loud about this) i really really fucking love halsey's new album. since i read their poetry collection (read my +rec here) i've also done numerous rereads of my favourite poems so when she announced if i can't have love, i want power i was ughh so excited for more content and fucking hell it's a masterpiece. i love how it flows conceptually, i love the movie that accompanies it, and lyrically it's just gloriously, darkly beautiful..................

and so fucking relatable. especially whispers.

like. one thing that i can appreciate is that halsey created this album while they were pregnant and a lot of it is inspired by how she perceived their own body and gender and fears and changes and scary stuff that comes from that, but it's also a continuation, an evolution of all of her music that came before. the music and the album and the lyrics feel exactly *right* at this moment and they come perfectly after manic. (which, also, yes, fucking relatable.)

and just generally my mentally fucked brain appreciates being seen.

i love all of the album, but my favourite songs + their lyrics ranked are:

1. whispers // this is the voice in your head that says, "you do not want this" / this is the ache that says, "you do not want him" / this is the glimmer of light that you're keepin' alive / when you tell yourself, "bet i could fuck him"
2. girl is a gun // i come loaded with the safety switched off / this girl is a gun and we've been havin' some fun
3. i am not a woman, i'm a god // i am not a woman, i'm a god / i am not a martyr, i'm a problem / i am not a legend, i'm a fraud
4. honey // she was sweet like honey / but all i can taste is the blood in my mouth
5. lilith // you know i get too caught up in a moment / i can't call it love if i show it / i just fuck things up if you noticed
6. easier than lying // my heart is massive, but it's empty / a permanent part of me, that innocent artery / is gaspin' for some real attention / some undivided hypertension + i sleep with one eye open and one eye closed / 'cause i'll hang myself if you give me rope
7. the lighthouse // so i showed him all my teeth and then i laughed out loud / 'cause i never wanted savin', i just wanted to be found
8. bells in santa fe // don't call me by my name / all of this is temporary / watch as i slip away for your sake

thoughts? favourite songs? lyrics?

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anyhow. i'm super hype about this album and i already have a feeling that at some point i'll write things inspired by it (also hello fucking hell 'i am not a martyr, i'm a problem' is a total lyanna stark (lives) thing it is known) when i actually....manage to write and i really fucking want to. life's been total chaos lately and i haven't had the time and it's been messy as fuck and well... i need a bit of an outlet for all the mindfuckery.