What Have I Gotten Myself Into?
I’m the girl who plays it safe. I dislike change and fear the unknown. I like for things be as much within MY control as possible...
Which is probably why I’m still working at the first place I got hired on at, right out of college, even though my boss is intolerable and I really do hate the work environment sometimes. But getting a new job, starting my career all over at a new place, is too much unknown territory for me to explore right now. I’m tied up in a car payment for the next 2 years, I have other obligations and bills that have to be paid, and I know for a fact that where I’m at now will cover everything… So why make a change that might lead to financial instability?
This also (partially) explains why I haven’t really stepped out my my comfort zone and taken any chances with any of the romantic interests that have come my way over the past 5 years now. Dating is unpredictable, after all. Why would I ever want to put my happiness and emotional vulnerability in the hands of someone else? I am perfectly independent and able to take care of myself. I have embraced my singleness, and I am genuinely happy on my own right now… So why take a risk on love if it could potentially end in ruin?
Don’t ask me why my mind works like this. I have such a bad habit of always jumping to the worst of conclusions, no matter how unrealistic or illogical they may seem.
I currently work 3 jobs (1 full-time, and 2 part-time) in addition to helping out with the site; which is honestly more like a hobby/escape for me, really. Y’all truly do help keep me sane when RL gets to be too crazy, lol!! But, like, I haven’t had a proper vacation since I went to Georgia back in March of 2008. (Not that this trip is going to be a Vacation, exactly. But it's getting me away from work. Away from home. Away from the Country, even! So I'd say that it counts as a type of Vaycay, in it's own way.)
You see, I’ve always been the one who works for everything that I have. My family wasn’t exactly poor, per-say, but we certainly knew from a young age what it meant to go without. Being the oldest, my parents were harder on me than they were the other kids, and it pushed me to be this driven individual that I am now... I am still the only one of my 6 other siblings who went to College and got any sort of degree. But that’s because I learned from the time that I was old enough to hold a job (which is now the age of 15 here in OH) that if I wanted something, I was going to have to work for it. Nearly everything I own, I’ve worked for. (My car, gaming systems, all of my furniture, my clothes/shoes, etc..) Nothing in my life has ever been handed to me... And I LIKE my independence. I enjoy being able to help myself, and not having to ask anyone for anything. Because you can’t control other people. You can’t tell them what to do, or how to act. You can try, but that doesn’t mean they’ll listen to you, lol!!
So why, oh WHY, in the world, did I ever volunteer myself to go on this Missions Trip to Honduras?!?!?
I’ve never traveled out of the country before - I barely ever even leave my own State! So I’ve certainly never gone on a missions trip before. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to help!! I am just NOT the person who usually signs up for these things. There are better, more qualified people out there; who are probably better suited and more able to handle the work that is involved in Missions than me. Or at least that’s what I’ve always told myself…
So what could possibly make things so different this time around???
I don’t have any kids of my own yet. And honestly, at this point, Idk if I ever will. After all, I am far too busy with my career to settle down and start a family right now… But that doesn’t mean that the desire for these things is not in my heart. So when the representative from One Child Matters came to speak at my church in March of this year, I made another crazy decision - I sponsored a little girl from Honduras!! Her name is Angie, she is now 6 years old (her Birthday is April 1st - the same day as Fred & George Weasley!!), she loves art, and she wants to be a teacher when she grows up!! She calls me her Godmother.
Never in my life have I ever thought that one tiny decision to put someone that I didn’t even know - some family in another country even - ahead of myself even, could impact me in such a HUGE and meaningful way… And when I found out that my church was planning a Missions Trip to the One Child Matters center that Angie attends in September, naturally I signed up to be a part of the team without even thinking, lol! I was just so excited at the very thought of getting to meet my little Angie face-to-face, and having the opportunity to see her hometown, and experience her culture, and meet all of her other friends at the OCM Center in Tegucigalpa, Honduras!!! Why wouldn't I go? She’s counting on me to be there, after all. And who knows when I’ll get this opportunity again - it could be a few years before they plan another trip like this.
But going on a Missions Trip... It is a LOT of work!!!! And I’ll admit, I was not prepared in the slightest for half of the things that have been asked of me so far.
So if I’ve seemed distant, or even more crazy than usual; it’s just because I’m juggling a ton of uncomfortable uncertainties at the moment. I am being pulled out of my comfort zone, and there are so many variables that are beyond my control at the moment, and I am just such a mess!! (And I shall continue to reserve the right to be a hot mess for the remainder of the summer, until all of these fundraising shenanigans are over with, lol!!) I will definitely be sure to keep you guys updated/in the loop as the summer goes on though, and the trip gets closer. And I’ll even be sure to post updates during/after the trip as well!! (Although the during part may actually depend on how much internet access we have available to us while in Honduras.)
- And now, for my 1st official Update: I have completed ALL of my official paperwork, background check is completed, and I am currently in the process of getting my first ever US Passport! Our biggest funding deadline is also coming up here within the next three days, and I am still $300 dollars away from the total needed goal… Our trip leader wants to book all of our plane tickets and hotel rooms this coming weekend, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everyone on the team reaches their $700 goals by this Wednesday. If anyone here wishes to partner with me on this journey, do feel free to find me on Social Media, where I have a few fundraising pages setup at!! (There are also pictures of my adorable sponsored child, Angie, posted on Twitter & Facebook as well!!)
I am super excited to share this adventure with all of my friends and family, as it’s probably the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life!! Thank you all so much for your amazing love and support. You guys have helped me see that the World isn’t such a scary place, and it deserves to be explored more. This community has really helped me grow and step outside of my comfort zone more and more over the past year, and I am so thankful to all of you for that. I shall carry you all with me on my travels.
~Deana
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