When Coming Out Doesn't Go So Well...

[ImaRavenclaw]

I feel like whenever I do this it's a disaster. Between punishment, being kicked out of the house, sending away a significant other, or flat-out ignoring their kid, I never have any idea what to do.

 

Sometimes I like the dramatic effect of harshness, but how harsh it too harsh? How harsh is not harsh enough when parents/guardians/siblings really hate even just the very thought?

 

What can I possibly do to make it original, and work for my stories?

[Wolfgirl]

One reaction I haven't seen much of in Fanfics regarding coming out and having the news received badly is to have the family/friends of the 'Outer' just kind of stare at them for a few minutes with this look of utter disgust before sort or, just, pretending it didn't happen and beginning to boycott anything that might even be remotely conceived as LGBT.

 

You know, like there's dramatics with being kicked out, screamed at, disowned and whatnot and it's done a lot. But there isn't so much of the "Pretend it's not real for long enough and maybe it will go away." I'd love to see a fic that incorporates the idea of the LBGT person coming out to their parents and having the parent look disgusted for several minutes in utter silence, only to then completely change the subject to something like Quidditch stats.

 

And then from there on out have them interrupt the 'outed' person whenever something that might even be remotely construed and LGBT is mentioned. Like, say Scorpius outs himself to Draco. Draco would look at him scathingly and from then on out ignore much of what was said by Scorp. Like, Scorp is trying to tell Draco about how Albus made this really great shot at Quidditcch practice and rather than getting into a Quidditch moves chat, Draco would change the subject for fear that Scorp was discussing Albus because he was crushing on him.

 

All mention of anyone of the same gender/whoever might be considered their 'crush' or their 'partner' would be brushed over, subject changed. I want to see utter denial of the idea that the outed character could ever be LGBT. I feel like this one isn't done very much in fiction, but happens more often than might be expected in RL. You know? Like, there are dramatics and cliches, but there is also a lot of just, utter denial that 'their child' could EVER be anything but 'normal'. Like, really play up the ignorance of the family and the heteronormativity that many people still subscribe to. Maybe even have the family be more about heteronormal activities for the outed person.

 

Like, have Draco take Scorp to all kinds of 'manly' things (I'm envisioning strip clubs with scantily clad ladies). There are some people who just don't handle the idea well and assume that it's a phase or that if they just try to fit the 'outed' back into their herteronomative bubble, everything will be fine and they won't be LGBT anymore.

 

I want to see a fic like that. With all the awkwardness and the angst that comes along with it.

 

Scorpius: *feeling squeamish while receiving a lap dance.*

Scorpius: *being interrupted every time he mentions any of his friends names for fear that he's crushing on them.*

Scorpius: *getting frustrated at always being interrupted.*

 

Really dig into the isolation that an LGBT person suffers when the people they care about can't accept or even being to understand who they are. For me, the big dramatic "get out of my house, you're now child/sibling of mine, I never want to see you again" seems to be the biggest fear that many people face when coming out. We, as human beings, tend to fear conflict. We fear the drama and the fireworks and utter abandonment (I feel like the angst here is never written effectively enough too).

 

When one makes a big announcement about something, a reaction is expected. What's worse than being given zero reaction at all and having the person you've told just pretend that it didn't even happen and couldn't possibly be true?

[ImaRavenclaw]

Ellie, thank you thank you thank you! If I write a fic like this I'm most definitely dedicating it to you for that idea! I have so many ideas for this.

[Margaret]

I think the main thing is to keep the personality of the parents/siblings and the relationship they have with the person coming out in mind. What would be too harsh to be realistic for one character might well not be harsh enough for another. Of course, it's going to depend on interpretation too, but it should be in line with how you portray the relationship throughout the rest of the story.

 

I really like Wolfgirl's suggestions. Another possibility for the right character is to start guilting the person. I could possibly see Narcissa doing this to Draco. Or even Lucius using Narcissa to do it. "It would break your mother's heart if you didn't make a prosperous match with the right pureblood girl. You don't want to do that to her, do you? Not after everything she and I have done for you."

 

I could also see Lucius trying to bribe Draco, say by offering him something expensive if he married the right woman.

 

Another possibility is the parent just being awkward about it or saying problematic things without intending to be offensive. Or trying to be funny by saying something like, "so you're my son's 'girlfriend', are you? Ha ha."

 

This is probably similar to the first one, but convincing the character to that they should marry a member of the opposite sex anyway could also be a possible reaction for pureblood supremacists. After all, they can't risk their numbers dropping in relation to Muggleborns, can they? So "just marry and have children anyway. You can always have a lover of your own sex on the side" could well be in character for people like the Malfoys and could be quite offensive because it implies both that they should hide the relationship with the person they love and also that having an affair is on a par with spending your life with the person you love.

[ImaRavenclaw]

I really agree with Ellie, too! Thank you for your tips.

[poppunkpadfoot]

really excellent suggestions from @Wolfgirl! wholeheartedly agree with everything said there.

i know you asked about a situation where loved ones "really hate even just the very thought" but i have some milder-but-still-bad reaction ideas too! (some of these have already been touched on but i'm just gonna run through them again)

• just straight up forgetting (a few weeks after i initially came out to my mom, she asked me (re: my former best friend) "who does she know that's gay?". i just kind of stared at her and was like "..........me" and she was like "huh what". it was hurtful.)
• over-the-top or forced enthusiasm that reveals itself to actually be discomfort and hesitation ("oh..... oh honey that's...... great!!! that's fine!!!!! that's totally fine!!!!! of course that's fine why wouldn't it be fine!!!! i have no problem with gay people, love whoever you want!!!!! are..... are you sure? yes? oh well that's.... well that's great.")
• just not being able to get their heads around it, asking invasive and presumptuous questions ("have you ever kissed a boy? then how do you know you don't like it?")
• (this is related to all of the above but) invalidation ("you just haven't met the right man yet / you're too young to know something like that / you only feel like this because ex-of-opposite-gender broke your heart and you're afraid of repeating the experience / how can you like men AND women?")
• making it all about themself ("i can't believe you kept this from me for so long, do you not trust me?" / "you can't drop something like this on me and expect me to just be completely fine with it right away, this is really hard to process for me, i can't believe you'd be so selfish") or making it all about themself by making it about someone else ("how will i tell the kids / your grandmother / your father" and pressuring the person not to come out to anyone else)

i might think of more and come back later ahaha